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Can I start again?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by wyrdsister, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. Just before Christmas my husband declared that he he hasn't loved me for years and has been living a lie and can't go on any longer...
    I knew he had doubts but thought that we could work it out because our relationship is genuinely solid, respectful and natural. We have an 11 year old son who is devasted because all he has ever seen
    is a happy well adjusted mutually respectful relationship and a great
    team. He can't understand why his Dad is leaving the house to live
    elswhere. (I might say my husband is being very supportive and moving
    close by so he can be there for him and continuing to finance me through
    my PGCE)
    I just want to know that after 22 years in what has been a great relationship, how I can move on.
     
  2. YES you can and will!
    Respectful and natural are probably not the best/only basis for a marriage - you do need a bit of pash! Which is probably what your husband has felt.
    I say that as I too have been married 22 years and sometimes fear the pashion has gone awry.
    All(??) you need to do is help your husband move out, so your son can see there is nothing for him to worry about and then sit down and try to remember who YOU are. ot mum, wife, partner you but the real you. The PGCE should help!
    If he is going and there is no chance of him changing his mind the best you can do is stay friendly and refuse to become embittered by it all. Focus on your own good self. Your son will respect you both for it and you may even find it fun!
    Good luck xx
     
  3. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    What an awful thing to have happenend. I'm sending my best wishes to you. Of course you can start again but I''m surprised you're talking about moving on just now. I guess you've known for a long time that it was over but hoped he would stay to keep things on an even keel for you and your son. As part of "moving on " your PGCE will play a big part with the hope of a new job at the end of it and all that entails. Life is changing for you anyway. Living as a single parent with your son will be hard work without your husband there and I think it will be very important to look after your own health and fitness and I think that should be a real focus for you. I hope you can put your son's needs high on your priorities too with all the implications for mainataining good relations with your husband, however bitter you may feel. If, by moving on, you mean looking for a new partner, it seems very early days for you. Perhaps you didn't mean that.
     
  4. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    How horrible for you all. Yes, you can move on - if you want to. Take one day at a time - I think that counselling is a good idea, even for you on your own. If it were me I would want to know what had happened in the relationship - especially as it seems as if it was a real shock for you.
    I really hope that you can find some good in this situation. x
     
  5. Thanks for your replies. It is sometimes good hear from people with whom you are not connected. You all have confirmed in one way or another what I felt to be true. My son DOES come first and we are working very hard to make sure he is fully informed about what we are doing and that he is the most important thing for both us. I have gone out of my way to ensure that he is maitaining a good relationship with his Dad. I am being understanding about him moving out and though desperately upset and angry at the moment I am not bitter. It would be wrong to aportion blame. As to finding another man!!! - no I think that can wait a long time. Anyway, where would I fit one in with my PGCE :)
     

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