Can anyone advise me please as I feel like I'm going bonkers with this? Its a long story but I will condense it right down. Here goes..I have worked on supply for a few years, secondary science, physics specialism, always on long term jobs. Every school I go to are more than happy with my commitment & hard work. I just started my 2nd year at the school I am at now. They have said many times that I go 'above & beyond' what I need to do. A job vacancy came up in March this year which I was encourages to apply for so I did. There was 1 other applicant, who failed to turn up.I did my lesson which was not observed from the start, about 20 minutes in. The science trained observer thought it was good, the head did not like it. I was then asked if I minded postponing my interview till he could make it - I said OK as I'm not pushy or assertive.There was never any mention of my interview again. A few weeks later I had a text from my previous HOD asking me to go back there and teach A level physics, subject to an interview & lesson obs of course so I said Yes as I was feeling quite rubbish at that point! The eve before the interview I was pulled out of a dept meeting by an assistant head who offered me a 1 yr contract. I was thrilled as I really wanted to stay at the school. So I withdrew from the other interview. About 10 days later I was informed we can't give you a direct contract actually as its cheaper to remain with the agency. I felt a bit messed about but went along with it. At least I'd got another years work, even if no holiday pay or true job security for that year. Then in September this year another supply started in our dept and, not to put her down as I have no gripe with her, she is not some amazing teacher, in other words no better than myself. I then heard that after just 8 weeks she has been given a permanent contract with no need to apply for a job or do lesson obs etc. They don't know what they are getting at this point. The school will have had to pay the agency finder's fee and she is on Upper pay scale so is not cheap and they did not do that for me. I'm still being complimented that I go above and beyond by the way! I queried with the assistant head why they could not have employed me in the same way, and she said they can't do that. I'm confused. Now there are 2 jobs going in my dept, people are saying why should I have to apply? I was adamant that I wouldn't be applying. However I was told by the head that they want me to apply. I have said that I will, but cannot approach my previous HOD who I turned down the chance of a permanent job as it would be too much of an embarrassment to explain everything. They had 2 references for me from the very same people I would be asking this time, just a few months ago, but they are insisting I need to ask for references again. What I don't get is that if you can bend rules for one person who hasn't shown any commitment yet, why not for me? Would you just cut your losses and go to a different school? I don't know what to do as I feel I've got no dignity left because they've made me feel like I'm not good enough.