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Can anyone help me level this piece of writing please - I'm stuck! :-(

Discussion in 'Primary' started by acceb, May 4, 2012.

  1. Hi all, I'm hoping someone will be able to help. This piece of writing is based on a traditional tale - Cinderella. The pupil was asked to plan and write an alternative version of Cinderella making it more modern. This is the end of unit piece of writing. Year 2.
    I am struggling with AF5 and AF2
    I will type is out as the pupil has written it.
    Thanks in advance.

    Once there lived a pretty girl called Holly and she lives with her ugly unkle cobie. Wen she was whatching telly an advert with Justin bebar. When ugly unkle cobie hered he said "you are not going unles I like him." Then wen he was going out to see LMfao and do lots of fumy dansing. When Holly's unkle lefst and Holly chide. When Holly sloped cRieng a magical fairy godmother came.
    Next the fairy godmother said " I will help you dont chie" she said "I will help you make a nise dress". I will make you a dress ans some nise shiney shoues and cane you get me a mouse and I will tern it into a butifull and of she went to the Ballarina Partie and she saw Justin Bebar. they dansed until mid Night and she ran oute!
    When she ran out. then Justin Biber said "dont run stay with me!" But she codent. Becasue the magic will were of. Then her sparkling Butiful Butterfly slippers turned into sloppy pumps and when she was bakc home there was a knok at the dore then here ugley unkle Cobie opend the dore and it was Justin Beber and ugle unkle Cobie sead what are you hear fore he said.
    Justin said " I am hear for tring shose on Laddeys". and he tride it on Holly and it fitted and they went on a honney moon and they got married and the lived happley ever after. the end.


     
  2. Hi all, I'm hoping someone will be able to help. This piece of writing is based on a traditional tale - Cinderella. The pupil was asked to plan and write an alternative version of Cinderella making it more modern. This is the end of unit piece of writing. Year 2.
    I am struggling with AF5 and AF2
    I will type is out as the pupil has written it.
    Thanks in advance.

    Once there lived a pretty girl called Holly and she lives with her ugly unkle cobie. Wen she was whatching telly an advert with Justin bebar. When ugly unkle cobie hered he said "you are not going unles I like him." Then wen he was going out to see LMfao and do lots of fumy dansing. When Holly's unkle lefst and Holly chide. When Holly sloped cRieng a magical fairy godmother came.
    Next the fairy godmother said " I will help you dont chie" she said "I will help you make a nise dress". I will make you a dress ans some nise shiney shoues and cane you get me a mouse and I will tern it into a butifull and of she went to the Ballarina Partie and she saw Justin Bebar. they dansed until mid Night and she ran oute!
    When she ran out. then Justin Biber said "dont run stay with me!" But she codent. Becasue the magic will were of. Then her sparkling Butiful Butterfly slippers turned into sloppy pumps and when she was bakc home there was a knok at the dore then here ugley unkle Cobie opend the dore and it was Justin Beber and ugle unkle Cobie sead what are you hear fore he said.
    Justin said " I am hear for tring shose on Laddeys". and he tride it on Holly and it fitted and they went on a honney moon and they got married and the lived happley ever after. the end.


     
  3. the spelling pulls it back into L2 for me---yet there is a lot going for it
    HFWords---
    Openers--
    paragraphs--
    speech marks
    punctuation--
    seems to be on task
    The mention of Beiber though would make me want to toss it straight in the bin, after id blown my nose on it!
     
  4. I'd say 2b but the fact that a lot of the sentences aren't grammatically correct almost pulls it back to a 2c. That said, there are a lot of sentence openers, descriptive language and connectives to extend.
     
  5. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    2b maybe, just cos it has lots going for it, I'd need to look properly at the APP grid to be sure between a c and a b. But I'd definitely be working on sentence structure with this child. The spelling is mostly phonetically correct, so doesn't bother me for a level 2.
     
  6. 2b
    But have to agree that I would use it as a snot rag because of the Bieber content[​IMG]
     
  7. Hi all, thank you very much for your responses. It's good to know I'm on the right track with my assessments. As I had inntitally given it a level 2b with elements across the whole level. This is my first year in year 2 after 3 years in year 5 and 6. If found it much easier levelling work higher up!

    Thanks again and enjoy the Bank Holiday :)
     
  8. Lol - in a class of 30 this was the 6th story to feature Beiber!!!!
    Mind you one of them did write about Gary Barlow because they know I like Take That lol
     
  9. pooped

    pooped New commenter

    Gary Barlow should definitely get a higher level!
     
  10. lardylegs

    lardylegs Occasional commenter

    It's clearly a 2-Beiber.
     
  11. CarrieV

    CarrieV Lead commenter

    Oh, writing for audience, isn't that level 5[​IMG]
     
  12. Vanadesse

    Vanadesse New commenter

    I'm doing my PGCE at the moment so I thought I'd have a go at levelling this before looking at what others said and was pleased to see that I decided on a 2b as well. I thought that it was the spelling that let her down as well, though you can see times where she has thought about her phonics (unkle, nise) even if she's spelt them wrong but other times it seems to have gone out the window (chie, sloped). My Year 2's are just as bad, having to constantly remind them to use their phonics!
     
  13. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    I'm surprised by how much weight people have given to the spelling.the spelling should carry less weright than sentence structure, you start and work along the grid giving most weight to the first AFs? I would give it a 2C to 2B because the tense isn't always correct, and the sentence structure isn't quite there and those have more weighting than spelling. That said it does have a lot of elements of 2B.
     
  14. This!
     
  15. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    Me too and it worries me that maybe I should be putting more emphasis on spelling.

    Most of the words in this piece, though incorrect, are spelled phonetically, which at level 2 is fine. Level 2 description (on the APP grids anyway) does say 'in most writing...' so the odd mistake or forgetfulness is forgiveable. Isn't it?
     
  16. Milgod

    Milgod Established commenter

    Coming from a Y6 point of view I am too. Not saying it is higher than a 2B, just interesting the number of times that spelling is mentioned.
     
  17. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    As Minnie said, at L2 - it's more about phonetically spelling. I would definitely not hold a child back who had written an excellent piece of writing with sentence structure, grammar, and all the other stuff if their spelling was a bit off.
     

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