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Brother applying for the same job as me

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by mack_roy05611, Apr 4, 2018.

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  1. mack_roy05611

    mack_roy05611 New commenter

    Okay so I work at the same school as my sibling, and recently some middle leadership positions have become available - and we both want the same one.
    I haven't asked advice from my parents because I know they will tell me I should look for something else. But why should I? Am I so wrong to think I shouldn't chance my choices to suit him? But that is the way it has always been in my family. Everything is meant to be perfect for him and not for me.

    However, I am concerned that it will become very awkward and unbearable. Any advice on how to handle this if one gets the job?
     
  2. Taboo71

    Taboo71 New commenter

    I suppose it depends on how close you are to your brother and the competiveness there is between you both.

    I'd say go for it!

    The only outcome is the possible resentment you/he potentially will feel to each other if you/him are the successor. Or you will be genuinely happy for each other. Also bear in mind that you could also be succeeded by someone else!

    If your brother is appointed then congratulate him gracefully, however if you succeed then don't rub salt in the wound, be classy and appreciative (not too much as then we're back to 'rubbing salt in the wound.'!)
     
    Curae, sabrinakat and bonxie like this.
  3. hs9981

    hs9981 Lead commenter

    You must have loads of dirt on him. :D

    https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-family-life-and-parenting/family-counselling
     
    george1963 and lindenlea like this.
  4. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    It didn’t work for the Millibands.
     
  5. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    I think I wouldn't want to work at the same place as a sibling.
     
  6. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Well, it will be good for you to go through the application process if nothing else. I rather hope neither of you get it but the experience stands you in good stead for applying elsewhere.
     
  7. install

    install Star commenter

    There may trouble ahead whichever way this goes. If you are concerned - it may be possible that others around you are also anxious too about the impact of what seems to be a sibling rivalry. This may only lead to endless comparisons between you - and that will lead to potential arguments that go on and on.

    Sometimes you have to be happy in your own success - and not in being seemingly better than your sibling in the eyes of others. Perhaps there is a deeper issue here ?
     
  8. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    The decision is yours and yours alone. However,
    This suggests that there's some deeper issue you need to sort, in your own head and heart at least. The job has just made it harder to ignore.

    Good luck. I know that sibling relationship can be very difficult.
     
    drvs likes this.
  9. SundaeTrifle

    SundaeTrifle Occasional commenter

    Just go for it. Whenever there are promotion opportunities within an organisation there is always a mixture of goodwill and rivalry. And then lots of opinionating among staff when the result is announced. It's part of life that many of us have to handle at some time, winners and losers, and then we all move on.
     
  10. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    If your brother gets the job would he be line managing you or vice versa?
     
  11. hs9981

    hs9981 Lead commenter

    Capability :eek:

    Mum coming in to school to sort it all out. :D
     
  12. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    Which implies you have spoken to him about it. It would be a good idea to have another conversation and make a plan for all the eventualities.
    This sounds so childish, that I'm unsure you are ready for middle leadership.

    You already work in the same school, so presumably are able to be professional around each other. Just carry that on.
     
    drvs and nomad like this.
  13. Pomza

    Pomza Star commenter

    If you want the job, apply for it - but don't do it just to try and stop him getting it, make sure you're really serious about it.

    Pomza worked with his bro for several years (back before teaching) and at different times we both held differing levels of seniority 'over' each other. Had the occasional disagreement, but nothing too major. (I think he was a little surprised when I ran away to join the circus though...)

    Personally, I would be pleased to see my brother doing well would not resent it...
     
  14. lynneseptember

    lynneseptember Senior commenter

    This is a strange one. However, perhaps for the future you might consider working in a different school?
     
  15. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    Are you really ready for middle leadership? It doesn't sound it.
     
    sbkrobson, Piranha, Pomza and 3 others like this.
  16. hs9981

    hs9981 Lead commenter

    Most importantly, I’m sure at least 1-2 teachers from your school are reading this thread.

    Maybe your head.

    Maybe your mum
     
    mothorchid, bevdex, Piranha and 3 others like this.
  17. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    :D
     
    Curae likes this.
  18. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    I totally agree. In fact the sibling / friends recommendation is actively encouraged in my school and I once read that such recommendations are far better than just interviewing anyone ...as long as they satisfy the job spec. Both my friends and family have worked with me. Due to the nature I'd the job even seniority has little effect. ..we are all so busy. Def both go for it ...If there are future openings I am sure they will remember either of you ...might even create another role to keep everyone happy. Ihave witnessed this on more than one ocassion.
    Def nothing wrong asking parents about their take on this ...I still ask my mummy aged 80 plus and she is rarely wrong whether I like to admit it or not. In a Chinese family you are expected to ask elders for their much needed wisdom.
    Good luck
     
  19. Curae

    Curae Star commenter

    Mums the word ...mothers are rarely wrong ;)
     
  20. lynneseptember

    lynneseptember Senior commenter

    :D hs9981!
     
    nomad and grumpydogwoman like this.
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