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Bridesmaid for a best friend - on a school day

Discussion in 'Personal' started by sparkly_duck, Dec 17, 2011.

  1. Actually, I did follow his advice. I asked if it was okay by him if I asked for the day off - unpaid - so I could get there in time to support my friend (who is like a sister to me) on the morning of her wedding. He informed me that whilst he had no problems with it, the liklihood of it being agreed was nill and that I was better off just phoning in sick.
    Please do not call me unprofessional when you do not know me or the effort I put into my job. I'm unlucky enough to work in a school where requests like that are not granted - unless it is a close blood relative you have no hope of secudling a personal day, be it wedding or funeral - and I am not the first, and I will not be the last to do what I did. Maybe I shouldn't have followed my HoDs advice, and I am not recommending that the OP does, but I was giving my own experiences, like all the other posters had done so.
    Needless to say, I would have accepted being disciplined if I would have found out, but occasionally we have to put something other than teaching first, and as this was after I had put my job first when I really shouldn't have had, I think that the school and I are even. I am also looking for another job, because I do not want to work in the sort of school where I was put in the situation I was.
    Apologies OP for leading the thread somewhere else. I'm sure whatever you will do will be fine and enjoy being a bridesmaid.
  2. Oh, and for what it's worth and not that's it's any of your business, I wasn't actually feeling very well that day anyway! Usually I would have ignored it and worked through it. But in this case I decided that it was either take the Friday off, or end up taking the Monday off feeling even worse after rushing on the Friday after school to get to where I needed to be.
    *crawls back under duvet for safety*
    Again, OP, enjoy the day! I hope you work in a more sympathetic school than I do. And to answer your original question, I believe the normal procedure is a request in writing to the Head.
  3. When my children were bridesmaids at a family wedding at 11 am on a Saturday in term time, I asked for and was given a day's unpaid leave on the Friday: the wedding was not on the UK mainland and we had to get a flight on the Friday to be there in time. My head was very nice about it. If I had not been given the day, my OH would have gone to the wedding by himself.
  4. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    The effort you put into your job and how you happened to be feeling on the day are totally irrelevant. What your HOD advised you to do was unprofessional and unethical and you laid yourself open to charges of gross misconduct by following his advice. If your support on the morning was so important and you were unlikely to be granted unpaid leave your friend had the option of choosing a date in the school holidays.

    I'm glad you aren't recommending that the OP does what you did.
  5. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    You are asked to demonstrate a lack of focus and commitment to your job and lose £120 and your mate saves a few quid. Personally I would decline and suggest she makes it a weekend or whit.

  6. That's an easy one to take off the wedding invitation list. Bah Humbug!!
    (Unless you're a teacher, who can arrange a wedding in the school holiday, most people have to use their annual leave for their wedding day if they choose not to marry at the weekend, and their guests may have to use a day of annual leave to attend. Well worth it for a brilliant day [​IMG])
  7. What a square!
  8. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    What a professional.
  9. May2

    May2 Established commenter

    If there are people running schools that give no flexibility for personal unpaid time off, then they are asking for staff to be 'unprofessional' as you put it and take sick leave. When I joined my school (primary), staff had been expected to pay for their supply cover to attend their children's graduations. Fortunately things are a little better now as I managed to attend both my children's graduations after writing to the governors, and was paid for it. It was just a half day as I am part time but I remember putting my case that I hadn't had a day's sick leave in 6 years and so they agreed to it.
    I know there are people on here who don't agree that teacher's should have time off but things don't always conveniently fall in the holidays and people need a life out of school and have a variety of personal reasons that could mean they need the odd day off . All the teachers I have ever known do copious amounts of work in their own time so it should be possible to have a little flexibility when necessary.

    I do hope the OP gets her day off without too much hassle.
  10. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    It is all very well if you are honouring a lifetime commitment but half of them fail. In fact I bet the more trouble they put their guests to the lesser the chance of success.
  11. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    Or they could simply be professional and accept that there are some things that they cannot attend.
  12. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    why not?
    The council tax payer is on average considerably less affluent than a teacher.
  13. blazer

    blazer Star commenter

    Your school will (should) have a policy for leave of absence. Get hold of it and look as to what paid absence is allowed. I would think it unlikely that your category would be paid. However you can request unpaid leave of absence and I can't see any reason why this shouldn't be granted as they can use your pay to pay for your cover.
  14. anteater

    anteater New commenter

    A head who refuses to let someone have a day off for something like this (especially if it is unpaid leave), is shooting him/herself in the foot. A teacher's goodwill is priceless, and leads many of us to go above and beyond the call of duty in our jobs. So even if it is out of self-interest, rather than compassion, a head should have the sense to grant reasonable requests.
    I have only ever asked for such leave twice: once to attend the funeral of a dear friend (who was not a relative) and once to attend a court case where a member of my family could have been sent to prison. Each time the leave was granted without a problem. Had I not been allowed to go, I would have gone to work and not resorted to phoning in sick, but my resentment would have been huge.
  15. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    There is definitely a quid pro quo in teaching. It is the assumption of some teachers that paid leave is reasonable that bugs me. I pay into the system for the common good, to be expected to pay for the service twice (paid leave and supply) takes advantage.
    If people are asked what their priorities are, education is not at the top. Most people put transport, security and health well ahead. If the general public knew that teachers expected to be paid to attend a wedding then their enthusiasm for education spending would probably drop below overseas development and arts funding.
    Term time paid leave shoots the 'profession' in the foot, I personally would stop it all together. Profession is in quotes because I don't think profession applies to freeloaders.
  16. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    I assume you include absence for medical appointments in that, lurk_much?
  17. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    In the case of unpaid leave, I agree completely.
    Glad you were allowed the time, especially as it was something over which you had no control. The fact remains that you wouldn't have rung in sick though!

  18. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    No I don't.
    Health is a priority. I do think we should put more pressure on GP and hospital services to make it possible for the working population to attend out of hours though. It is a service, it should be flexible.
  19. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    We provide a service too.
    Perhaps we should provide weekend and evening services too?
  20. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    To be fair no one on the thread has suggested paid leave.
    In most other professions very little is paid, apart from your own illness. It's annual leave or unpaid in most cases. Teachers of course don't have the option of the former, but it doesn't always follow that outside teaching you can have a/l whenever you want it. WRT medical appointments, my company allows 14 hours over the year. I think that would be reasonable in teaching too.


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