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Boyfriend's drunk again...

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by choccyicecreamyum, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. Many years ago I was in your boyfriends position and yes I spent all the money on booze, fags, gambling etc. I told all the usial rubbish about having to work late, was on my way home. It was not until I hit real rock bottom and ended up in a Salvation Army hostel having lost everything including wife, son, job, house, was thousands in debt etc that I changed.This was a long process.
    Your boyfriend will never change until you stop supporting him and his behaviour by paying all the bills. I know you realise that you have to either leave or convince him to get the help he clearly needs. I assure you that he will not change if you continue to validate his behaviour by his having no consequences. At least he has not been violent (?). The only way is to challenge him when he is sober and, if he agrees, go with him to his appointments/treatment so you can be sure he is attending. If he denies there is a problem you MUST leave - can you return to your family in the short term?
    Sounds too much hassle - it was for my ex and who can blame her (or you if that is the course you choose). The one thing for certain is that this situation cannot be allowed to continue.
    Good luck and take care of yourself for a change
     
  2. Good advice choccyicecreamyum, and can only second that he will NOT change until he really wants/has too.
    Been there myself and my ex was given so many chances, I wasted a lot of my life waiting/wantng him to change but really it took me changing.
    Be careful and don't get caught paying out for his debts and check if your name is on any loans - mine forged my signature and I got left paying off a significant amount.
    If you can, talk to your closest family or friends and have somewhere to go. It can be difficult to start talking but you will be surprised with the support they can give.
    P.S. Start a new bank account if you have a joint one.


     
  3. If you want to spend years and years supporting in every way possible an alcoholic, then good luck to you. He'll never love you more than the booze and will lie, cheat and deceive you to get as much as he needs. He already does.
    Don't present him with the opportunity, the choice, to clean up his act. Protect your money and property, and kick him out. If he's that bothered he'll clean up to get back in with you. If you give him an ultimatum he will swear down that things will change to retain the status quo and keep you sweet, and then sink back into the gutter. Let him clean up first - if he wants to.
    If you pity him and feel good about yourself for helping him out when, then that's your life and your decision. Nobody will thank you for harbouring him, except maybe his mother.
    However nice he is when he's sober, however sweet he used to be before he was an alcoholic, it's the past - and the present. It can be the future for you for as long as his liver holds out.
     
  4. That last paragraph is rubbish! meant to write
    However nice he is when he's sober, however sweet he used to be before he was an alcoholic, it's the past. The present is "drunk again". It can be the future for you for as long as his liver holds out.

     

  5. I think you need to ask yourself 'Is this what I want for myself'
    You mention that you moved in with him. Is your name on the tenancy agreement with the landlord? If not, I would not pay next months rent and use it as a deposit on another place. STOP mugging yourself off.
    Like Lily mentioned he loves the liqour more than and will not appreciate all you are doing for him debt-wise.
    I honestly believe that if he hasn't struck you yet, he soon will (mark my words)
    Keep strong.


     

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