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Bossy 6 year old

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by bluemat, Feb 6, 2019.

  1. bluemat

    bluemat New commenter

    My 6 year old is worrying me. She is a very bright child and has seemingly no issues at school. However at home it is a constant battle.

    There's a constant battle to do homework, to get dressed, to eat food.
    She's constantly telling me off, what I should and shouldn't do, how I should do it. Telling me what a terrible parent I am.
    She also still wets the bed at night and so wears pull up (as I just cant keep up with the washing otherwise).

    I listen to her, talk it over with her, give her (specific) choices, set her boundaries (don't do this or you will loose XYZ).

    She's spoilt granted. But I'm a bit worried there is more to it than that. She seems to be a bossy perfectionist.

    Opinions please?
  2. bonxie

    bonxie Lead commenter

    Sounds like you're doing all the appropriate things here.
    Perhaps she needs to be a bit less spoilt so that she starts to realise that her bad manners and disrespect are having consequences that she doesn't like. If she begins to link rude and uncooperative behaviour with the 'spoiling' being reduced then she might take more responsibility for her actions, even if it only because she wants her treats back!
  3. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    Imagine her as a teenager!
  4. bluemat

    bluemat New commenter

    I don't even know.. terrifying
  5. bluemat

    bluemat New commenter

    Agreed. It's worth a shot!!
  6. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    What you do now will help her in the future.
    bluemat likes this.
  7. studentcrisis

    studentcrisis New commenter

    Is there the potential for high functioning autism or similar? She may cope well at school with the routine and boundaries etc and then “blow up” at home - very common for HF autism. Especially if there are toileting issues as autism can come with levels of a lack of body awareness. Also telling you what to do could be her trying to control an unpredictable (to her) environment?
  8. hs9981

    hs9981 Established commenter

    Give her a smack.

    She can't be that bright if she's still wetting the bed! She is a 6 year old child. You are a parent and an adult.

    Take control!

    I would try giving her a smack before going down the 'autism' route o_O
  9. studentcrisis

    studentcrisis New commenter

    Gosh yes sounds like a wonderful idea, if a child wets the bed while asleep and unable to do anything about it (sounds so very deliberate!!) just employ physical violence and teach them it’s okay to express anger in that way. Actually just ignore the possible functions of all her behaviour, don’t bother trying to understand her or, really, parent her in any sense, just let loose and show her that the people who are meant to love and protect you will beat you when you upset them. Stellar idea.
  10. hs9981

    hs9981 Established commenter

    I was focusing more on the spoilt brat side, where they were saying the parent was a bad mother.

    Another poster the chimed in that the 6yr old was autistic. I think you need to go and find your 'safe space'.

    Sometimes giving a young child a smack is a good thing. I dont care what you think.
  11. snowflakesfalling

    snowflakesfalling Occasional commenter

    Sounds like a typical 6 year old and that you are doing as much as you can. Maybe lay off on the "spoiling" and bring in the concept of chores earning treats. You must stick to your guns on this though. Keep strong.

    Somebody once said to me to forget the term "attention seeking" and replace it with "attention needy" - it changes the way you view the behaviours.
  12. hs9981

    hs9981 Established commenter

    A short sharp smack, make them pack up all their favourite toys and donate them to charity (minus their favourite toy).

    I'm not a monster!

    They will feel good about it after a few days.

    Then buy them a unicycle.
    sabram86 likes this.
  13. SammyBear2016

    SammyBear2016 Occasional commenter

    Some children will be challenging for their parents but fine with other people. I would agree with what others have said and try to stop spoiling her. Have you tried a rewards chart? You can set the targets and the rewards but can also implement something for bad behaviour (it might be they atke a step away from the reward each time they are naughty making it harder to get something they want.

    Whatever you decide to do you must be consistent and see it through.

    With her wetting the bed, does she sleep through and not realise until after she has done it?
  14. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and presume this is a wind-up for comedic effect.
  15. hs9981

    hs9981 Established commenter

  16. grumbleweed

    grumbleweed Lead commenter

    These are also symptoms of anxiety so I'd consider if there is something worrying her. Do you spend time together? Are you on your own? Has there been a family event which has changed in her life? Does she have friends? Was there a time when things changed or got worse?
    Have you had a chat with school about your concerns, they may have seen something there, but it may manifest itself in a different way.

    As she's 6, have you seen a Dr re the bed wetting? It isn't uncommon, but it's a good idea to rule out anything medical.
  17. ViolaClef

    ViolaClef Lead commenter

    The Secret of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph - worth reading.
  18. EBC

    EBC Occasional commenter

    How are you getting on OP?
  19. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    I would suggest harsher discipline, although whether you smack or not is a personal choice,

    certainly less "taking things through" and more "telling her how it is" with one warning, followed by immediate consequence for behaviour you don't like.

    Legally that consequence can be a smack. Personally, I don't think that chimes with our current culture. I also don't think it is the most brutal of punishments. I am constantly amazed at people who react as if smacking is child abuse, then scream and shout at their children, which I consider worse! So its up to you, but I would suggest immediate removal from the room and isolation, or similar. Even if you don't have a problem with smacking right now, you could regret it in later years, or have it held against you, or feel bad yourself.
  20. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    She needs to learn to do as she is told, first time.

    This is awful, completely disrespectful and unacceptable. If this happens, she is told to apologise immediately. Pull her up on it every time. Don't let it go even once.

    This is irrelevant, and best response is no response at all. And is not related to intelligence. My son's friend wet the bed until 10, and had the top 11+ score in the country

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