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Body image

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by princessdiaries, Jan 11, 2011.

  1. Hello, firstly I'm sorry as this will be a moan! I know there are many people with far worse problems than mine.
    Like a lot of people I'm sure, I don't have very high self esteem but recently I've been feeling a lot better and I'd even say I've been happy and looking forward to the future.
    However, the one thing I can't completely seem to get a grip on is my weight, I seem to have successfully tackled any other problem areas in terms of my beliefs about me as a teacher, a friend, a daughter, wife etc but although I've got a lot better I still see myself as being physically very unattractive.
    I know (although I really could do with losing a stone) I am not hugely overweight, I am typing this in a size 8 jumper *** (although I am <u>not</u> a 'real' size 8, I'm a 10/12 as this is a 'big' jumper - it was in the sale and they didn't have any 10s or 12s but I really liked it.) But I do have a really horrible body and it upsets me. My stomach is enormous and completely out of proportion to the rest of me, my legs are short and a lot wider at the thigh than from the knee down and my hips balloon out. But I have a small bum, my arms are small and my chest/collarbone area is quite bony. I just look 'wrong' and I look really unattractive when I take my clothes off. I woke up this morning to find that my dog had chewed the buttons from my black trousers so I had to buy some more after work and seeing myself in the Next changing room mirrors was a really unpleasant experience.
    I don't have any confidence for sex (sorry) as I just can't expect anybody else to find sexy and attractive what I myself find disgusting and my body really is horrible.
    Sorry to moan, I don't know what I'm expecting for answers but just wanted to offload!

  2. Chris4

    Chris4 New commenter

    I would just like to say, I think the Next changing room mirrors have a lot to answer for - I have also had very low moments in front of their harshly lit, see-yourself-from-all-angles mirrors. I don't know if that is any help at all, but I think they can make anyone look hideous, especially if you aren't too confident in the first place. I know you have more issues than that, but I just had to tell you that Next have a lot to answer for. I now rush in, grab something in vaguely the right size, and take it home to try on.
  3. No-one online is going to be able to make you feel more attractive, but all I can say is that I bet you're a lot more attractive than you think you are right now.

    NO-ONE'S body is attractive if you look at it in bits. You just have to skim and see your body as a whole, and stop being so frickin' demanding of it. Poor body. It's yours, it's serviceable and I bet there are hundreds of women out there who would rather have your body than theirs. If that makes sense.
    Stop it. Stop looking for flaws. Eat three meals a day and nothing in between and I swear you will lose some weight. Wear nice clothes. LIKE yourself, for God's sake.
  4. As for sex - blah-dee-blah. No-one needs confidence to have sex. Just do it, in the dark if you prefer. It releases happy hormones, and if nothing else, it'll make your partner affectionate towards you/give your relationship a healthy foundation.
  5. I would disagree with this statement. You do need some level of confidence in yourself to be able to relax and enjoy sex.
  6. I suppose it depends on how one views sex.
  7. WHen I was your age (probably) and at least - at least - two stone lighter, I thought I was fat. I wasted so many years of my life feeling fat, not wanting to really let go in the -ahem - bedroom department for fear of wobbling flesh, just not feeling nice. I am 50 now, and am better in my skin than I have been for a long time. It kills me to think that you might waste as many years as I did feeling fat, ugly, etc. Do you ever catch Gok Wan? I hate the way he slobbers over them, but he does show these women what their bodies look like compared to those of other ordinary women, who stand there in their smalls, celebrating their boobs, bums, curves, whatever.
    I really like him for that, I really like the way he empowers them to like what they have. I love Mr Gorgy for the fact that however much I weight he loves me.
    I don't think it sounds as if you need to lose weight at all. If you are a 10/12 it would really worry me if you were trying to lose weight, even if you were my height, and I bet you're not.
  8. When I was younger, I knew a lot of girls who had barelyany self esteem, but still had loads of sex. Usually with inappropriate men.

    But I don't know if that's the same as having confidence, within a relationship. No, it's not.

    You have a point, of course you do. Sex is so complicated, sometimes.
  9. To PFF.
  10. Princess - I guarantee you will reach the age of (insert whatever age you think is old) and be ****** off with yourself at this age. You will look at photos of yourself at your current age and think,

    'You silly girl.. You were gorgeous, and didn't enjoy it when you had it.'
  11. That was a bit rubbishly expressed, but I hope it makes some sense.
  12. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    Princess, fwiw, i think you look lovely (although of course i've only seen you with clothes on! lol), but I completely understand how you feel. It's hard when you see yourself as a certain way, and even though no-one else thinks you look that way, you can't snap out of your own image of yourself.
    I was quite overweight in my late teens and got down to a size 10/12 in my early 20s, and even then I thought I was huge, and now (as Coffeekid and i think Gorgy said) i look back and think 'what an idiot, you looked lovely'.
    I was very miserable after having my son and then i managed to lose the weight, and am starting to feel stressed as i'm pregnant again and worried abouit how i'll look. I feel guilty about eating sometimes and feel the constant pressure to be going to the gym. I wish I could relax a bit more about it all.
  13. bnm


    I know exactly what you mean. I spent all my younger life thinking I was fat. Now that I'm old(ish), happier in my skin and 2 stone heavier, I know I used to have a wonderful body.
    Shame we can't live our lives backwards.
  14. Thanks everyone, you're all very kind [​IMG]
    (I'm 29 and I am 5 foot 3 inches for those who wondered lol.)
    The thing is, I do look back at myself when I was between 8 and a half and 9 and a half stone, and I thought I was fat then and I realise I wasn't, but I also realise that the reason that I thought I was is down to the fact I've got such a funny shape with my stomach. It's not just that it sticks out, it's got this loose flap of skin hanging down from my tummy button that just won't shift. It gets smaller but it won't move and it's so, so unattrative.
    I know I'm making a mountain out of a molehill as no one has a perfect body and I'm sure if I could see a lot of people naked (!) I'd realise many others had problems with proportion but mine really does seem extreme, I even considered a tummy tuck (costing five thousand pounds) earlier this year but I just can't justify the expense when my child bearing days aren't over and also you do get a massive scar which is as unattractive as the overhang itself. But it isn't just my stomach, it's just the way my body looks generally, I can't do anything about having short stumpy legs either. But I just don't understand why all my weight gathers in certain areas, for instance I've got a smallish bum but my hips are balloon-like. If the weight was shared more evenly I'd just look better.
    Ah well if wishes were horses!
    I weigh just under 11 stone so I really should be about a stone lighter to be within a healthy BMI whatever that's worth. x

  15. My hairdresser has twins and is very conscious of her tummy. She showed it to me recently and to be honest I can;t describe it to you because it was so unremarkable I can't remember what it was like - but it is blighting her life. I wish I had a solution, but the solution is in our heads, not in our bodies. I wish we could accept ourselves as we are; we all know that the slimmest women have body-perception issues. Blokes don't seem to have the same, maybe because they can take their tops off in public more easily and there is the locker-room mentality. And if you want to see short stumpy legs you want to have a look at mine. I am 5' and I think God put them on upside-down.
  16. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Sadly you are stuck with your proportions - I know I am stuck with a fat stomach whatever my weight is - but you can lose weight if it will help you. Why not join the weight loss thread if you feel strong enough to have a go - if not just have a laugh at the rest of us
    Take a look around you. There are people happy with themselves of all shapes and sizes. Thousands of women with short legs and big hips manage to like themselves. You have obviously taken steps towards feeling happier and would like to make progress on this front as well. Do you make the best of yourself in nice clothes that flatter your shape? Do you take exercise to keep yourself toned, and treat yourself to nice skin care things, or just plain old Nivea to make your skin look and feel good. Who thinks they have a great body - not many people. Try to make the best of what you've got though - that's the place to start.

  17. anon468

    anon468 New commenter

    Sorry to hijack slightly, but... Dear CK - you are the font of all good sense. The wee voice of reason in the madhouse of TES. I think you have an amazing outlook on so many things.
    You may now officially throw up. [​IMG]
  18. I'm too busy weeping into my wine.

  19. Reading the OP really struck a chord, then reading all the responses struck a load more. I could identify with everything originally said, (except that I'm 46 and 5'5") and have felt that way all my life. Went through a couple of bad relationships that stripped me of the meagre self-confidence I had, was borderline anorexic for a while, blah blah blah. I'm now a size 10 but still hate the wobbly bits & the lack of boobs & the walloping great varicose vein running the length of my left leg, and have very seriously considered surgery to get rid of my bulldog chops. But now I'm kinda middle aged, everything seems to matter so much less. In a couple of months I'll be the age my mum was when she died... It made me realise that I'm lucky everything works, other people's opinions of me (if they even bother having any) don't matter, and that I'm actually a really nice person, so the hell with it. I bet you're gorgeous. Life is short so don't waste it worrying about what you look like. x
  20. I was talking to mr c the other night about how I envy his lack of self-consciousness about being naked. He is happy to walk around naked and I love to see him doing that with the freedom I have never had. Whether I am 4 stone lighter than i am right now i would never have the confidence to walk around naked like he does.

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