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biting the bullet

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by primarytype, May 3, 2012.

  1. I have rarely posted on here but have read many posts and am always impressed by the advice that so many regular posters give and the support they give in sharing their own experiences and knowledge. So I suppose what I am saying is I have silently taken advice on here which has helped me a great deal and helped in bringing me to the point I am at now.
    A short background - I moved authority to take up a post closer to home within management. It was a sideways move away from a school where I had been long term, which had a supportive and friendly staff, in a very difficult area and despite many issues was just a lovely environment to work in.
    From day one my new post was awful. Unknown to me I had apparently "swiped" the job away from a long standing staff member. A gradual campaign began and built to sustained bullying which impacted on both my working and family life. Constantly in tears at home, not sleeping and in general no longer being the happy, positive person I was. Eventually the Ht joined in with the bullying and supported without question the lies told about me. I cannot begin to tell you everything that was levelled against me but one example was being hauled across the coals for not meeting deadlines. Only one example could be given - and I had to point out on minutes from meetings that we were months away from the agreed deadline and that all the work I had done already was still with the HT awaiting comments. The union were great but it seemed there was very little they could do. I eventually resigned my post and as there were no jobs around remained at that school in a part time role. Looking back this was the right thing to do as until a new person took up my vacated post and experienced exactly the same bullying as I had no one believed it had really been happening. When this happened the HT verbally apologised to me. She then supported the new person in a way she had not with me. And guess what...the bullies started on the HT! She has now resigned - bullied out.
    My life within school is now great in the sense I have made lots of good friends who joined after me and I am sitting back watching the heat being turned on my accusers by a very strong and professional management team. However I do still feel bitter and my health is still not what it was. I am now in a position where the job I once loved has lost all it's sparkle.I am inwardly cynical and my rose tinted glasses have been knocked off!
    So....I am starting my own business from home. I will be resigning from the profession completely and embarking on something fresh and new. I have the full support of my family and quite frankly I feel excited and capable for the first time in years.
    The point of this massive rant is really to say thank you to all the wise people who advise on here as -unknown to you - you have been my friends through some really dark times and have given advice that I have used in order to reach a happier place.
    Should Gardening Leaves, Old Grey Wolf et al decide to start their own school however...I could certainly be persuaded back into teaching
    Thanks everyone
     
  2. I have rarely posted on here but have read many posts and am always impressed by the advice that so many regular posters give and the support they give in sharing their own experiences and knowledge. So I suppose what I am saying is I have silently taken advice on here which has helped me a great deal and helped in bringing me to the point I am at now.
    A short background - I moved authority to take up a post closer to home within management. It was a sideways move away from a school where I had been long term, which had a supportive and friendly staff, in a very difficult area and despite many issues was just a lovely environment to work in.
    From day one my new post was awful. Unknown to me I had apparently "swiped" the job away from a long standing staff member. A gradual campaign began and built to sustained bullying which impacted on both my working and family life. Constantly in tears at home, not sleeping and in general no longer being the happy, positive person I was. Eventually the Ht joined in with the bullying and supported without question the lies told about me. I cannot begin to tell you everything that was levelled against me but one example was being hauled across the coals for not meeting deadlines. Only one example could be given - and I had to point out on minutes from meetings that we were months away from the agreed deadline and that all the work I had done already was still with the HT awaiting comments. The union were great but it seemed there was very little they could do. I eventually resigned my post and as there were no jobs around remained at that school in a part time role. Looking back this was the right thing to do as until a new person took up my vacated post and experienced exactly the same bullying as I had no one believed it had really been happening. When this happened the HT verbally apologised to me. She then supported the new person in a way she had not with me. And guess what...the bullies started on the HT! She has now resigned - bullied out.
    My life within school is now great in the sense I have made lots of good friends who joined after me and I am sitting back watching the heat being turned on my accusers by a very strong and professional management team. However I do still feel bitter and my health is still not what it was. I am now in a position where the job I once loved has lost all it's sparkle.I am inwardly cynical and my rose tinted glasses have been knocked off!
    So....I am starting my own business from home. I will be resigning from the profession completely and embarking on something fresh and new. I have the full support of my family and quite frankly I feel excited and capable for the first time in years.
    The point of this massive rant is really to say thank you to all the wise people who advise on here as -unknown to you - you have been my friends through some really dark times and have given advice that I have used in order to reach a happier place.
    Should Gardening Leaves, Old Grey Wolf et al decide to start their own school however...I could certainly be persuaded back into teaching
    Thanks everyone
     
  3. Three cheers to you both. Bullies isolate you and try to make you feel deficient. It is highly effective psychological warfare, particularly when a mob gets involved. I'm reminded of the words of a David Bowie song- it is so natural, it is religiously unkind. It took me a while to tune into the power of this forum. People on here are genuine and have real experience- If you are being treated like this you need to know that your feelings are entirely natural. Don't be alone- you are not alone (David Bowie again! )
     
  4. Should there ever be anything I can do to support you in any way shape or form, I would be happy to be there for you. I am in awe when you describe how you still are affected by your experiences and yet are able to post with such strength and warmth. You have achieved so much. Many thanks again xxx
     
  5. Phew, I thought it was just me. I have absolutely no tolerance of children in public places and seeing children walking to and from school makes my heart race and feel physically sick, good thing we have no school nearby really. Hey ho just embarking on yet another round of therapy.
     
  6. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    Some time ago I also received immense kindness and support from people on this forum. I am not exaggerating when I say it probably kept me going in the darkest times. It was on here that I discovered my ill-treatment was not imagined, I did not deserve what was happening, and that I was not alone.

    Like Gardening Leaves says, I also appear coherent in print (I hope) but it now takes me ages to compose text where it formerly flowed with ease. At one point, I was only able to communicate effectively through this suddenly-laborious method, including with my GP! (The public fumbling for words when speaking to others is still, years after the bullying abuse, embarrassing.)

    It was on this forum that I discovered the kindness of strangers, and their willingness to share their experiences that have helped me to realise:
    1. I had received a workplace injury.
    2. The behaviour of bullies follows a predictable path.
    3. Protracted workplace abuse not only causes depression, but also other physical illnesses.
    4. The bullying of teachers is shamefully epidemic.

    My tormentor continued to exert his evil even when I was on sick absence, (to this day I still have a shuddering horror of hearing letters being pushed through my front door), and I am currently receiving counselling for P.T.S.D. Part of the city where I worked is now out of bounds as I cannot bear to travel along familiar commuting routes. My world and health have shrunk to a fraction of their former states. Concentration and memory take a dreadful hammering after sustained bullying, so I am in awe of Gardening Leaves who is now studying Law. I can barely study the Radio Times yet!

    My bullying HT recruited drones to help him perform his evil and to distance himself from his activities. Time has helped me to analyse bullies' actions, and now my contribution to this forum is to shout "Get out get out, there's a game afoot" when I detect familiar signs, as the early symptoms of bullying and stress are not immediately obvious to new targets.
    Good for you, Primarytype, starting your own business. Excellent news.
     
  7. Vampyria

    Vampyria New commenter

    I'm really sorry to hear about your experience but glad to hear you're managing to move forward. What you mentioned about the HT struck a chord with me in that it never ceases to amaze me how management effectively side with these bullies, very often without queston. In my own case, like many others, this only exascerbated things and obviously gave the perpretrators more power. I believe at a later stage they realised ( or maybe they knew all along ) they'd got it wrong but unlike you the last thing I got was an apology-instead everything was 'conveniently' put down to a 'not getting on' or a 'personality clash'! Absurd. Even though I was given a vague assurance that <u>next</u> time they'd listen to me it was at this point, too late-the irrevocable damage had already been done! I was effectively bullied out of that school without anyone hearing my side of things....I believe it suited them turning a blind eye to what really went on. When I finally got the courage to speak up about what had been happening, a member of SMT's first response was to enquire about who else knew about this (!!) and what my immediate plans were when I left-in other words he was trying to guage what my next moves were in terms of taking action against them! Incredible!
    I'm very glad to hear you benefitted from the good advice on here....how I've regretted not finding this site on time instead of relying on my union who were not very unhelpful at all! Had I done so I've very little doubt I'd dealt with things very differently.....
     
  8. I would just like to say well done Primary type. I am sorry to hear about the bullying/mobbing and admire you for making the decisions that you have made. I also wish you all the good luck and very best wishes in the future. I would also like to say a big thank you for all the posters on workplace dilemmas/health and wellbeing who have supported me and are still supporting me as I continue to fight the ongoing bullying,
     
  9. Gardening Leaves

    Gardening Leaves New commenter

    Glad things are improving, Rosievoice, but it's still quite early days for you, remember. It took me over a year to write my statement for the lawyer because my memory was so damaged. It's now 5 years on for me. My world has also shrunk considerably. For a long time I found it difficult to even get out the front door for fear of attack. Even now I avoid areas in which I fear I may bump into one of them. I'm not frightened of them, but frightened for myself because I fear there is a risk I would physically attack them. It's a huge burden to bear. I am a very gentle person by nature but there is now an aggressive werewolf inside waiting for the moon to rise. Still, whenever I go anywhere I undertake an informal risk assessment of how I am going to manage it. I panic and can't cope with anything unexpected. That's the reality of complex PTSD. That's why I've got an industrial injury disablement.
     
  10. I know exactly what you mean. They took my most private medical reports and analysed them to claim I was exaggerating my learning difficulties and mocked my problems in an open and disgusting way. It was the most distressing time of my life, left feeling vulnerable and suicidal. It took me years to be able to drive past that school or even think about it without being sick. Now I can go past the school and delight in being free of their twisted abuse and feeling at peace that I am better than them and I deserve better.
    It takes a long time to get over these things but reading this forum has helped me realise that the headteacher bullied me to build themselves up over their own insecurities and the SMT did it to brown nose to keep themselves in jobs. You know a school is failing (whatever Ofsted says) when there is a culture of blaming and kicking down on the people below. We were mere collateral damage from the daily workings of someone with a serious personality flaw.
     
  11. Just to say well done to the op (sorry I didn't note your user name) for moving on and very good luck in your new venture I really do wish you every success. Also to say thank you for this very powerful thread. Rosiesvoice and GL you have voiced things that I thought I was alone in feeling (the shrinking world, the fear of certain places, the fear of seeing my bully - even seeing the same car, or someone resembling them in the street sends me into a panic). I'm writing my statement at the moment after well over a year, it's taken weeks so far as I can't do very much at a time and sometimes I wonder if there's any point. I'm having some mindfulness therapy at the moment and learning to appreciate the very small things that can bring some pleasure.
     
  12. Gardening Leaves

    Gardening Leaves New commenter

    Well done for the progress you have made so far, yirg. Don't give up! There is plenty of point in continuing. The memory and concentration thing is a 'bog-standard' reaction to psychological trauma. It took me a whole year to write my statement for my lawyer in the first place. When I sat down at the computer I remembered nothing at all and had bits of memoried only in flashes. It's a protection mechanism. I bet you find that, when you are lying awake in bed, you can remember everything coherently? It's really annoying!!! A retired HT helped me by sitting and typing for me at the computer while I dictated bits of memory. Gradually we were able then to make it into a conherent whole and edit it.
    You have time. You have 3 years to issue a claim in a PI case; 6 years for harassment. Partly why mine has dragged on for so long is because I have taken my time and not let it dominate my life.
    Your memory and concentration will come back, but it will take time. I am finding that mine has recovered enough to be able to learn at college and, although it's hard, I don't seem to be finding the learning any more difficult than other people in the group. I am definitely nowhere near as sharp and incisive as I used to be but I hope that this will come back eventually, too.
     
  13. I am once again amazed by the strength of this forum as a support to others. When you are in the middle of something like this happening to you you feel like you are the only one who can't handle it. Everyone else would be better at dealing with it than you/they wouldn't let it affect them in this way/obviously it must be your fault.
    It is only in reading this that you realise you are not alone and maybe,just maybe it's not you that is in the wrong. It certainly gave me comfort and many other things which helped me reach a happier place. I don't for one minute claim to have had nearly the same horrors visited upon me as a lot of the posters on here but each and every comment and thread gives you some hope that there are normal, kind people out there. It's not even the sympathy that lots of people give each other here that helps...it's often the straight forward no nonsense advice that hits a chord. Even the bluntest posts can be comforting..in that that person has taken time out of there day to advise someone else. Although it is especially nice when it is given in empathetic tones.
    Finally...It still horrifies me that the people who post in such knowledgable, strong intelligent ways are still experiencing such personal devastation. I naively presumed that these posters were stronger than me as I couldn't read between the lines. Lots of posters have felt like real friends to me during some difficult times. So should any of you need any support at any time ...despite leaving teaching...I will happily be here for you in return. I don't have much wisdom but I do have a listening ear and a mighty big shoulder. I hope I don't sound too Pollyanna!!
    xxx
     

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