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Bit of a Personal Question..............dating/relationship advice needed....

Discussion in 'Personal' started by elisa1, Aug 30, 2011.

  1. elisa1

    elisa1 New commenter

    Well, after my first few online dating disasters, I've finally met someone and so far so good, we are from similar backgrounds, similar educations, etc, and we have had 4 dates. Each time we have met up the hours have just flown by, we have sat in restaurants having met at 12pm for lunch and all of a sudden it 6pm and we have no idea where the time has gone!!!!
    Last Saturday I invited him back to my house and we had coffee and he left at about 11pm for home (he lives an hours drive away, although he works very near to where I live!)
    Anyway next weekend we are having a dvd/takeaway, wine evening and I've asked him to stay over so he can have a drink, now having been out of the dating game for so long i'm a bit stuck as to the bed situation!!! I have a large house, but don't want him to think I'm a slapper expecting him to share the same bed if he isn't comfortable with that!!!! However I am sure if I said share my bed he would be straight in there!!!!
    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help, do I say lets share the same bed but remain clothed and take things as they go, is on the 5th date acceptable to "sleep" with someone for the first time??? What about other Tessers, how many dates did you have before you slept with your partners??? help...........
     
  2. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I'd be inclined to plan him staying in a separate room, but allow for a change of plans if you both feel it is the right thing. If he's worth anything he'll understand and take 'no' for an answer if you say it.
    Sounds like a nice man! Hope all goes well for you.
     
  3. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I'm with Belle on this one.
     
  4. Does it really matter what others have done?
    If you like him and want to sleep with him then do so.
     
  5. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    that many?
     
  6. elisa1 you can compare what others did to see what is the 'norm' or acceptable. Or you can ask yourself are you comfortable talking about the where to sleep issue with him. If you are not perhaps the answer is that neither of you are ready.
     
  7. elisa1

    elisa1 New commenter

    he is a nice man, and I know if I put him in the spare room he will be fine with that!!! I also know if we share the same bed and just cuddle that will be fine!!! But I just don't know what the expectation is, we have a connection and spark, but just wanted to pick the brains of tessers.........
     
  8. elisa1

    elisa1 New commenter

    Its not that it matters what others have done, its just I don't want him thinking I'm a slapper and just valued others opinions xx
     
  9. SleighBelle

    SleighBelle Occasional commenter

    Try not to overthink it!
    Make up the spare bed for him then see how the evening pans out. It might end up that you have a bit of a kiss and a cuddle and that's it or you might end up in a clinch on the couch!
    There is no 'acceptable' amount of dates, it all depends on how you both feel. If it feels good, go with it.
     
  10. elisa1 I wasn't criticising you and I'm sure the other person wasn't. I understand that you can gauge what is acceptable. Most of all enjoy the evening and let us know how well it goes.
     
  11. Exactly!
     
  12. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    You will definitely have to report back on this. I think belle's advice is right and I hope you have a lovely evening wherever it ends. I've got butterflies for you - and I've been with the same man since 1972. (Come to think of it I don't think i waited for the fifth date[​IMG])
     
  13. elisa1: I wasn't having a go at you either, I just really don't think you need to even consider what other people do.
    People are different and what suits one person doesn't necessarily suit another. Go with what is best for you.
    Enjoy the evening!
     
  14. Elisa1 good luck! It's always the part of dating
    That worries me, but he sounds like a good guy,
    so just see how the evening goes!
     
  15. elisa1

    elisa1 New commenter

    No I know neither of you were having a go at me!!! Its the blunt Northerner in me immediately lept to the defensive!!! I appreciate your help so much!!! My main concern was would he think I was a slapper if I slept with him!!! LOL!!! x
     
  16. Would you think he was a slapper if he slept with you?

     
  17. He will not think you are a slapper. Men don't think that way.

    Makle up the spare room, get the condoms in, and then see how things go.

    Don't you think he is thinking the same thing? Does she expect me to sleep with her? Should I offer to sleep on the floor if she only has one room.

    Personally I think if things are going to happen you might not even make it up the stairs [​IMG]
    Good luck
     
  18. polly2

    polly2 New commenter

    Hi Elisa
    I tried to post this last night but TES went awol. It is no secret that I met my partner online. I am not ashamed to admit that he is my first serious relationship so whether this made my handling of the situation any different I do not know.
    My partner lived an hour away from me too and we went on eight dates before we even kissed! We went out and would be kicked out of places because the time just flew by. The eighth date was at a festival that was taking place in my home town. It was the first time I had let my partner know where I lived! He came late as usual with a huge bunch of flowers (this was a first) and I remember feeling something different in the air. We had a great day, and I invited him in for coffee at the end. He came in and was still sat here at 11pm. Finally he asked me if I was willing to make things more official. I as I recall laughed because I was so nervous and then he went in for the kill. We had a smooch and a cuddle and he went home. The following week we went out for a meal so I said that he could stay over so he could have a drink. He slept in the spare room and didn't question it. I then went to his the following week and he asked me to stay. We slept in the same bed that night because he had one bed and I felt guilty about him sleeping on the sofa but still we just slept! When we both felt ready for the relationship to progress, well things just naturally took their course.
    I guess my advice would be to make up the spare room and go with it. Don't over think it - you wil know what to do.
     
  19. If a guy likes you enough it will not matter whether you sleep with him on the first date or the 100th date! I have made the mistake several times of jumping in too quick and not seeing the person again....but also have slept with people on the first date and been with them for years!
    Do what you feel comfortable with. As you seem a little worried about the situation like others have said make up the spare room and suggest that. Or maybe just talk to the guy! He sounds nice and bringing it out in the open may help. I remember going on loads of dates with a guy who was really nice, but he never kissed me or went to hold my hand. Eventually I asked him whether he was interested in me or whether it was friendship and it turned out he was quite shy and didn't want to be too forward. Sadly it didn't work out, but at least it was out in the open, so talking is good!
     
  20. Elisa...stop worrying. I imagine things will take their course. You've spent time together happily and if you are sharing a sofa for the DVD I imagine cuddles may get heated and you won't even have to mention the sleeping arrangements! Go with the flow.
    I hope that is how it pans out. He is no innocent either I imagine. If he is a red-blooded male he has been thinking about the sleeping arrangements too, I expect. If he is awkward at the end of the evening, (or plays the perfect gentleman to impress you) give him the choice but I have a feeling you won't have that sort of formality.[​IMG]
     

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