I waited ten years before i got married. About four years into our relationship, i found that he had been emailing a woman (supposedly!) in America and chatting her up. He talked to her like a man chatting up a woman in a bar. She asked about his girlfriend and he said that i was pretty but nothing like her, then carried on chatting her up. No emotions were discussed. I left him. He knew that is what i would do. However, whilst parted from him, i realised that i couldn't fathom what my life would be without him. I love him very deeply. He swore he was just being stupid and sort of testing to see if he still had the ability to chat up a girl. I wasn't sure i believed this.. After a couple of weeks i went back to him, something i never thought i would do. We moved forward, everything was good, i trained and became a teacher. Next we got married and immediately i became pregnant with our first daughter. It was very stressful as i almost lost her several times, then finally had a very traumatic birth. Around a month later, my husband confessed that a woman had grabbed him and kissed him at a work do. He said he felt very flattered by her approach and that i hadn't noticed him in ages! I left again. My mother convinced me that it was just him feeling a bit jealous of our newborn and sent me back to him. With our daughter involved, i knew i had to at least try right?! I felt like an idiot and that he would do it again. Seven years later, i realised i was unexpectedly pregnant (not supposed to be able to fall pregnant) and we were over the moon. I noticed a woman kept commenting on things on his facebook account (he has me added as his wife). I ignored it, since he worked with around fifty women (and men) in his previous role. Then one day his phone beeped while i was making the bed and was stood next to it. The message showed up on the front of it as i looked across (i have never been the sort to check his phone etc and always happen upon things by accident, total honest truth and this sort of worries me, since he didn't care enough to be more careful or something?!). Flirting from the facebook woman, it was of a sexual nature. I was a month away from giving birth and chose to put it aside and speak to him about it later. I had our second beautiful daughter and almost bled to death on the table. He was with me the whole time, looking terrified and devastated. When everything was okay later, he kept reiterating that all he wanted was me (and crying). I had never seen him like this. Then another text when our child was ten months old. Again, of a sexual nature and i had to know. It was more innuendo than anything else, but still. So for the first time ever, i went on his ipad and there were a lot of messages to a completely different woman and these shared her feelings about her marriage and he said that he sometimes wished things had turned out differently. When i confronted him, he claimed it was all about lack of sex and me never initiating sex. I finally admitted to him why i have difficulty. In short, i feel like a ***** in most sexual scenarios as i had 'an experience' when i was eight. My mother never knew and she herself, was raised in a very religious household and passed on those ideas about sex being wrong etc. He has never, as far as i know, actively tried to meet any of these women and they live hundreds of miles away. Only an idiot would try to sort this out yet again though, right?!