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Best insult from a child

Discussion in 'Primary' started by freelance_teacher, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. freelance_teacher

    freelance_teacher New commenter

    I'm a very recent ex-teacher trying to make a living as a freelance writer.
    I'm writing a humorous article about the inventiveness of the insults that some of our children come up with. If only they could put the same imagination into their written work sometimes.
    If you're prepared to share them I will assume you're happy for me to use them anonymously in the article.
    For example, I once heard a colleague called a ' Yellow bum-wrap' .
    I have no idea what that meant or what a bum wrap is. I'm not sure the child did either.
  2. whitestag

    whitestag Senior commenter

    'I ******* hate Mr XXXX, he's a ******* ****** and he's getting on my ******* nerves today, I'm going to ******* kill him.'

    Year 5 kid. Bit of a Mr Angry but harmless.

    Who laughed when I responded by hiding behind the table saying, 'ooo I'm really scared, help, help!'

    That do?
    Mrs_Hamilton likes this.
  3. Urbanfaerie

    Urbanfaerie Occasional commenter

    If you don't let me go to play then...I won't buy you a Christmas present!!!
  4. Ds2d12

    Ds2d12 Occasional commenter

    There's so many...but I can't remember them at the moment :/.
    There was a very odd one the other day, but it's escaping my brain!
  5. Isobeleh

    Isobeleh New commenter

    There's a boy in my class who regularly calls me a specific colour of chicken every lunch time when I walk past him in the hall eating his lunch.
    For example: "You're a blue chicken." or "You're a white chicken."
    I don't know why he does it, but he's tiny and it's hilarious... still.
  6. abacus1982

    abacus1982 Established commenter

    Been told I'm "bang out of order" before. Apart from the usual insults for my supporting of a terrible football team that's about it.
  7. ld7675

    ld7675 New commenter

    "Calm down, Miss, calm down"
  8. Mrs_Hamilton

    Mrs_Hamilton Occasional commenter

    "Miss...how old are you? Because we were talking about how old you are. I think you're young."
    "Oh right."
    "Yeah, I think you're about 17...because you've got them teenage spots."

    (I was an NQT with acne, teaching year 5.)
  9. teacher4673

    teacher4673 New commenter

    I worked in a nursery once and a colleague of mine was called a "f***ing bum hole" by a three year old. It was pretty hilarious. She just laughed!
    Stillstayingjohnson likes this.
  10. teacher4673

    teacher4673 New commenter

    Also my year 6 class like to remind me that I don't live in a house.
    "In my house..."
    "Mrs X, you live in a flat"
    They constantly remind me of it! They get quite frustrated when I use the term house!
    Stillstayingjohnson likes this.
  11. freelance_teacher

    freelance_teacher New commenter

  12. southernteacher

    southernteacher New commenter

    A year 6 looking me up and down with disgust after a sex ed lesson and saying ' What you mean you've you done that?'
  13. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    Year 5 pupil: Mr Nomad, can I ask you a question?

    Me: Yes, of course.

    Year 5 pupil: Well, it is a bit, sort of personal.

    Me: As long as it isn't too personal.

    Year 5 pupil: We were all wondering... Why do you tell such crap jokes?
  14. carriecat10

    carriecat10 Established commenter Community helper

    "Miss, you've got a better moustache than my dad."
  15. lardylady

    lardylady Star commenter

    So would she be laughing about it if the child in question called her that when he/she was 10? 15? Behaviour like that needs nipping in the bud.
    Kartoshka likes this.
  16. Stillstayingjohnson

    Stillstayingjohnson Occasional commenter

    'Hello Mr. chinny chin chin' (whilst scratching an imaginary beard)
    I get this from just about all of the EYFS children because I'm bearded....
  17. Matthew187

    Matthew187 New commenter

    hmm, one of my grade 1 students telling a teacher to "slow down you fu**ing idiot" has got to be up there!
    also one of my grade 1s yelling at my chinese co-teacher to "speak English" this one more for context to be fair
  18. Stillstayingjohnson

    Stillstayingjohnson Occasional commenter

    Also, 'butt bag'

    A Y6 child at school called a lunch time supervisor this for interfering in his game. When I asked the child what on earth a 'butt bag' was, he said, 'it's obvious, are you stupid? It's a bag of butts...'

    Cue me avoiding hysterical laughter, before issuing a trip to the head (who i assured the child would not find his attitude funny).
  19. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    Year 1 child: Miss, how old were you on your last birthday?
    Me: Ooh, a lot older than you...
    Child: Were you 92?
    Me: Erm...no!
    Child turns to friend in triumph: See! I said she was 91!
  20. bobbycatrules

    bobbycatrules New commenter

    'You're a f*cking anal gland.' Still mkes me smile.

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