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Bereavement

Discussion in 'Personal' started by mswisdom, Jan 11, 2019.

  1. mswisdom

    mswisdom New commenter

    Hi everyone,

    Over Christmas I experienced bereavement and returned to work this week, however I not 100%. I feel numb and am constantly crying in the toilets. I haven't received any support from my school and was wondering do schools provide 'support' to their employees?
     
  2. Marshall

    Marshall Star commenter

    Have you told them? They should give you some support.
     
  3. mswisdom

    mswisdom New commenter

    I did. I emailed at the first instance: a week before we broke up for Christmas.
     
  4. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    Sorry to hear about your bereavement.

    Do the school know how you have been feeling since you returned in January?

    What support would you like the school to give you?
     
    nomad likes this.
  5. susanrk

    susanrk Occasional commenter

    I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I do bereavement support work for our local hospice but you're in very early days and need to grieve, rather than 'counselling' of any sort. It's hard if you're crying lots at school. Be gentle on yourself, give yourself some treats and try to be open with folk at school who you trust. We live in a country where folk don't talk about grief and therefore people think it's best not to ask in case they upset you! Don't take that personally. Have you thought what sort of support you'd like the school to provide?
     
  6. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    I'm one of those people who just don't talk about it. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for your loss? It's just something people say. It sounds insincere from my lips. I wish you weren't suffering but, unless you tell me what you need, I have no idea how to help.

    I guess there are plenty like me. This stems from me thinking bereavement is my business and I don't want to discuss it. So I assume everyone else is the same. Even though I know they're really not.

    So I'd recommend you unburden to one of your closest colleagues. Tell them if you need a hug or whatever it is. See if they can put the word out. It's a terrible time for you but also an awkward time for your colleagues. And, if your colleagues mostly resemble me, you may find it even more difficult. They're not being unkind deliberately. Sorry.
     
    lindenlea and Rott Weiler like this.
  7. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    I am not sure what support you feel your school should be giving you.

    Basically, your school can offer practical support (such as time off for a funeral if the bereavement is a close relation or if time off without pay is agreed when the bereavement is for someone who is not included in the school's Compassionate Leave agreement).

    Apart from the goodwill of the school, it is not set up to offer emotional support unless there is some arrangement whereby employees get a limited number of counselling sessions. This may be the case so you should ask.

    I can only suggest you contact the Education Support Partnership if your support needs are emotional.

    No matter what you’re going through, we’re always here for you, day or night, all the time. Call us. You'll feel better.
    Whatever you need, we’re here for you 24/7. Our trained counsellors will listen to you without judgement and will help you think through the problems you are facing to find a way forwards and feel better. No issue is too big or too small.

    UK-wide: 08000 562 561
    Txt: 07909 341229

    Our helpline is free and available to all teachers, lecturers and staff in education (primary, secondary, further or higher education) in England, Wales and Scotland. We’re here for you 24/7, 365 days a year.
     
    lindenlea and grumpydogwoman like this.
  8. mswisdom

    mswisdom New commenter

    Thank you. I think that is how most of my colleagues are feeling. Those I have spoken to have been supportive.
    I would like some time off to grieve but not sure if I will allowed and concerned if it will effect my attendance.
     
  9. sparklepig2002

    sparklepig2002 Star commenter

    Go and talk to your head. Be honest - tell him /her how you feel. My head would be completely compassionate and understanding. I had a week off when my mum was taken ill and died. It gave me the chance to organise the funeral etc etc.
     
    grumpydogwoman and Marshall like this.
  10. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    If you are feeling so bad you can't work properly (like crying in the toilets) go to your GP and get signed off, I know people who have done this. My LA offers a certain amount of free counselling which can be done over the phone. Another friend of mine took advantage of this.
     
    grumpydogwoman and Marshall like this.
  11. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    I think you should approach your school re compassionate leave or go and tell your GP how you're feeling. It sounds as though you need time to grieve rather than be in work at the moment.
    At a later stage your school might be able to refer you to bereavement counselling.
     
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  12. mswisdom

    mswisdom New commenter

    Thank you. I have requested an appointment with the Head.
     
    susanrk, InkyP and FrankWolley like this.
  13. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    I agree wholeheartedly with this.
     
    susanrk likes this.

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