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Bereavement

Discussion in 'Personal' started by forestje, Nov 1, 2010.

  1. forestje

    forestje New commenter

    There have been a number of posts recently which have struck a chord with me.How many of you have lost a close relative or friend and would like somewhere to let out your feelings?
    I have just lost my father.My mother died 10 years ago so it suddenly struck me that I am an orphan.On another thread I have talked about how lucky I was to have such a close and loving upbringing.I miss both my parents tremendously and have often picked up the phone as usual on arriving back home after a holiday.
    Clearing out the family home was the worst thing I have ever had to do.It took ages as I kept coming across things that I wanted to examine or read.Now I have no one to tell me who the people were in a photo or what did they feel about different events in our lives.
    I am glad that I told both my parents how much I loved them and thanked them for a fantastic life. I consider myself very fortunate but miss them so much.





     
  2. forestje

    forestje New commenter

    There have been a number of posts recently which have struck a chord with me.How many of you have lost a close relative or friend and would like somewhere to let out your feelings?
    I have just lost my father.My mother died 10 years ago so it suddenly struck me that I am an orphan.On another thread I have talked about how lucky I was to have such a close and loving upbringing.I miss both my parents tremendously and have often picked up the phone as usual on arriving back home after a holiday.
    Clearing out the family home was the worst thing I have ever had to do.It took ages as I kept coming across things that I wanted to examine or read.Now I have no one to tell me who the people were in a photo or what did they feel about different events in our lives.
    I am glad that I told both my parents how much I loved them and thanked them for a fantastic life. I consider myself very fortunate but miss them so much.





     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  3. Phoenixchild

    Phoenixchild Occasional commenter

    ((((((forestje)))))))
    Sorry for your loss. My husband lost his dad earlier in the year and we had to clear the family home, it was very difficult.xx
     
  4. I've still got both my parents but lost my last surviving grandparent almost three years ago. I think her being the first grandparent I lost as an adult hit me really hard.
    Sending you my thoughts xx
     
  5. Hi there - join the club.
    I muddle along - some days are great, some are awful.
    The hardest thing is knowing I am nobody's child anymore, no matter how old I am. I sometimes want to cuddle up and be six again, have a bed time story and a mug of cocoa - things I have obviously not needed for over 35 years, but things I suddenly miss.
    We have only got rid of the basics at home - there are lots of things none of us can deal with yet, so they are still there.
    With time...
    You have my sympathy and my understanding xxx
     
  6. egyptgirl

    egyptgirl Senior commenter

    I'm sorry to hear that you've just lost your father. I lost my Dad years ago and I still miss him very much.
    It's a sad fact, isn't it? There are photos of my Dad fishing and sailing with other men I don't recognise. I'd love to be able to ask him about it but the truth is I'll never be able to.
    Thinking of you
    xxx
     
  7. henriette

    henriette New commenter

    It must be hard.
    My mother died 13 years ago and I still miss her dreadfully, as does my father who is now 80.
    I know that this will come to me eventually. I have always been "Daddy's girl" so I anticipate it will hit me hard, but there is no way to prepare for it is there?

     
  8. I'm still hurting. Every day. And I'm still angry.
     
  9. Unfortunately, no.
    I didn't know Mum was going to die, it was so sudden. But I did know Grandad was on borrowed time. And was still a mess when he did die.
    And all of it happened to me in such a short space of time and now my friend has just died and I wonder sometimes when I am supposed to catch breath.
    It is a great up and down, rollercoster, getting on with things, collapsing in a heap, manically coping, manically not coping, being ok, being not ok.
    And some days, you feel like screaming off the top of your head "WHY?"

     
  10. Yes - that sums it up. I am ANGRY.
     
  11. oh cq - i am so sorry
     
  12. Thanks.
    I am almost getting used to it. People dying every 5 minutes. What a funny year.
     
  13. Anyway, this thread isn't about me but about the OP xxx
     
  14. I've just spent 15 minutes writing a post, and am now in floods of tears remembering her.
    I love my gran and I miss her. She was as much of a parent to me as my real parents were.
     
  15. forestje

    forestje New commenter

    Actually I am hoping that many will share this with me.
    CQ, I sent an email to the mods asking if they could start a bereavement forum and Bev suggested starting a new thread.You were the one who prompted me to start this as you posted about your friend and it made me think about my losses, so thank you.
    This, I hope, is where anyone who has lost someone dear to them, can come and share their thoughts and feelings.
    I certainly feel it helps to share the pain and realise that others understand.

     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  16. I find this really hard sometimes. There are often times when I feel like nobody in the world understands (although I know that is not true) the pain I'm in.
     
  17. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    Is anger the best word to describe the feelings of someone who has been bereaved because old age and natural death? If it's asbestosis or a car crash or some other avoidable cause of premature, yes I can understand. But anger at natural death? One rails against it, resents it, hates it, but is that anger?
     
  18. Both deaths that I am angry about were not natural at all.
     
  19. I suppose we will all experience bereavement in different ways but yes, I would say a lot of what I feel is anger.
    It may not be rational, but that is what it feels like. Anger that someone I love is no longer around, anger that life just goes on normally when it ISNT normal anymore, anger at the sheer mortality of us all, anger at nature, anger at just about everything.
    Then I calm down and get more rational again.
     
  20. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    CQ, I hope I haven't caused offence.
     

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