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Being unsociable

Discussion in 'Personal' started by impulce, Nov 5, 2011.

  1. We had friends round last night, and then went to a local bonfire display with the same friends this evening and i've just been feeling grumpy, tired and unsociable the whole time. I often turn down social invites on a Friday night because I know I won't cope and will just be grumpy.
    We were invited back to theirs for a few drinks after fireworks and my OH went but I've had to make excuses and go home - I feel really rude but I just cannot face sitting around making small talk and am getting riled by just being around people.
    It's nothing personal to them as they are our friends, but I find myself going through phases like this sometimes when I just cannot stand to be around people (other than my OH whom I can sit with in comfortable quiet) where I have to converse!
    I am so much happier now im curled up on the sofa with the cat.
    Is anyone else like this? Am I miserable toad? Is it because we spend so much time in the week communicating with 30 energy-draining little people? Im only 25 but have always been reluctant with certain social events - I pretty much always turn down going anywhere at the weekend that will involve sleeping at someone elses house as I hate not being able to go to bed when I like and 'wasting' part of my weekend.
     
  2. We had friends round last night, and then went to a local bonfire display with the same friends this evening and i've just been feeling grumpy, tired and unsociable the whole time. I often turn down social invites on a Friday night because I know I won't cope and will just be grumpy.
    We were invited back to theirs for a few drinks after fireworks and my OH went but I've had to make excuses and go home - I feel really rude but I just cannot face sitting around making small talk and am getting riled by just being around people.
    It's nothing personal to them as they are our friends, but I find myself going through phases like this sometimes when I just cannot stand to be around people (other than my OH whom I can sit with in comfortable quiet) where I have to converse!
    I am so much happier now im curled up on the sofa with the cat.
    Is anyone else like this? Am I miserable toad? Is it because we spend so much time in the week communicating with 30 energy-draining little people? Im only 25 but have always been reluctant with certain social events - I pretty much always turn down going anywhere at the weekend that will involve sleeping at someone elses house as I hate not being able to go to bed when I like and 'wasting' part of my weekend.
     
  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Have you got your comfy slippers yet? Nothing wrong with putting your feet up after a busy week with 30 children. And I do understand the feeling of going to your own bed when you want to. Nothing quite like it.
    But I'm 41!!
     
  4. Oh, I get like that a lot- always have done. I need my own space and my own time away from people and activity. Sounds normal to me- or, if not, you're not alone in the abnormality :p
     
  5. I cant cope with hot feet - so no slippers - but jogging bottoms and baggy tshirt are on! lol
     
  6. Some folk are gregarious and some are not.
    That is normal.
    And you can change - in my 20s you couldn't keep me at home, nowadays you have to force me to socialise.
    I am happy on my sofa with a book or the TV. It doesn't mean I hate folk - I just don't want to spend a lot of time with them.
    I only spend my free time with a very select circle of people - who, all like me, cherish not having to socialise or do the done thing.
     
  7. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    Some of us are introverts. Nothing wrong with that. I am exhausted by all the people in my working life so I don't need company at weekends.
     
  8. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    You're not the only one. I could have written your post word for word!
     
  9. Im not always an introvert - when I am in the mood, or have organised a special event, I can be the life and soul - but other times I can feel myself being almost rude to people by my lack of conversation and I realise its because I just want to be on my own.
    I think actually, I tried to kid myself in my initial post. The two friends that we have spent most of our weekend with, can actually be a bit in your face - the man will just turn up when he fancies it, and did so earlier when OH and I were snuggled on the sofa and I was having a nap! And this has always driven me a bit mad. He can also be a bit arrogant and always knows better "Why are you doing that? Why didn't you just do this?" one of those types, which I usually ignore/banter with but when im tired he winds me up. His girlfriend is much nicer but tells you a million and one boring things that there isn't really a response for. Its very hard to have a two way conversation with her at the best of times.
    But still, even with my best friend in the world I find myself having this unwillingness to be sociable, so the point still stands!
     
  10. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    I am inclined to think that if you are an introvert, then teaching is so exhausting for you that you need extra extra time alone to compensate.
    I went to my daughter's bonfire party tonight and came home early because I did not want to talk to anyone.
     
  11. What is the point you mean?
    I am willing to bet, many of my generation only socialise when they feel like it.
    I have no idea how old you are, but there is nothing wrong with not wanting to party.
    As to your "friends" - they wouldn't be people I socialise with - I am very radical. I wasn't when I was younger, but I am now. If you bore me, or betray me, I won't respond.
    Unless I know I can wind you up - sometimes I can't resist.
     
  12. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    Uh ha1
    So you don't want to waste time with dull people!

     
  13. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    This thread is made for me. There is a serious threat that i may overload you all with my verbiage as to all the reasons i am not particularly sociable. I wasn't always this way. Teaching was one thing. That dented the whole energy drive. Then other problems have ensued and tbh you are all dead lucky to be reading my post seeing as I'm still up [​IMG]
    Honestly though, bed at 9pm mostly, d=read for an hour. I meant that typo cos sometimes I do 'dread' for an hour! Sometimes I manage to read for an hour.
     
  14. Its not just that I dont want to socialise with them because they can be irritating - It could be anybody including my best friend who is wonderful, and I can still be so anti-interaction!
    I would be in bed by 9pm too if I could get away with it, but OH tends to sit down on the sofa about then after doing bits and bobs so I tend to spend an hour with him before retiring to bed.
     
  15. I could love you to bits - I am not going to socialise just because anymore. I Just Can't Be A.rsed.
    I have one life. And I am spending the rest of it pleasing me. If I feel like a party, ok, if I would rather watch the 50,000 CIS repeat, I will.
    I do not care if you want to stay up later than I do. Do as you please. I am not sitting watching.


     
  16. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    I'd love to have the energy for other people after a week at it, but i don't. *See you in the hols. *
    I don't feel bad about this because many of my close friends are teachers too and they are even worse than me; what with young children etc.
    It took me a while to realise that taking up teaching meant a paralysis to my social life.
     
  17. You have described me down to a tee Impulce! I can be sociable when I want to be, but I have throughly enjoyed spending my evening at home on my own, not having to talk to anybody. I spent this afternoon catching up with one of my old uni housemates, whom I have not seen for 4 years or spoken to for 3. It was lovely, but when I go invited out to a bonfire by some of my family I declined, because I wanted to spend the evening on my own!
    I've always like my alone time, and will quite cheerfuly turn down invitations if I can't be bothered to deal with people I find trying or who sap my energy. I think it's something to do with being an only child, and with needing a bit of space after dealing with nearly 400 11 - 16 year olds plus various adults a week.
    Oh, and I'm only (nearly) 30!
    CQ, I think you may be my mentor!

     
  18. Impulce are you OK otherwise? I am usually sociable or at least socially tolerant. But if I start slipping into depression, which I never thought I was prone to until I was :) I don't get tearful and unhappy, I get ratty, intolerant and unsociable.
    Reading you, I recognise me. Is everything else OK? I understand that as your time becomes more valuable, the things you are prepered to waste it on get fewer. But spending time with people you used to be friends with, and visit with your husband, is stil important. If you don't want to do it, you should explore the reasons.
     

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