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Being honest & frank

Discussion in 'Personal' started by jomaimai, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. jomaimai

    jomaimai Established commenter

    I think I may have something to work out.

    Lately, I open my mouth too often:rolleyes: to say what I think.
    I guess that I got tired of not being me or perhaps, not sure, I am in a school that is a good place to be.:)
     
  2. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    That seems to be more productive than opening it to shovel in carbs.
     
  3. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    Doesn't it depend on whether what you are saying is hurtful to others? Especially if you know that it will be hurtful.

    Then again, there's little room for misunderstanding if you call a spade a spade. Us Yorkshire folk and my dad in particular, used to pride himself on being direct.

    Maybe you got tired of pussyfooting around though and decided that it was time to tell it like it is.
     
    ValentinoRossi and jomaimai like this.
  4. jomaimai

    jomaimai Established commenter

    Yeah you right!
     
  5. Nuuk

    Nuuk Occasional commenter

    I don't have a problem with people being blunt and honest as long as they don't have a hissy fit if I am blunt and honest in return. When I was first teaching, many years ago, the unwritten rule seemed to be that you could be blunt to those above you in the hierarchy but should be more tactful and supportive to those below you. How times change.
     
    Lara mfl 05 and cuteinpuce like this.
  6. scienceteachasghost

    scienceteachasghost Lead commenter

    Interesting post. As a child and in my youth, I was shy, reserved and often afraid to voice what I think! I have more than made up for this now and often speak my mind - even though it might offend!

    I think the skill that one needs if one 'calls a spade a spade' is to judge the types of people who can take bluntness (and may return it back!) and those who you have to 'fluff up' any negative directness with in what I would call the **** sandwich. (Praise, criticism, praise.)
     
    grumpydogwoman likes this.
  7. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I'm in two minds about speaking out. On the one hand, I think it's important to be honest and stay true to yourself, but on the other hand, I used to be in a relationship where my partner used the excuse of 'just being honest' to put me down about pretty much every aspect of my life and personality, which kind of tarnished the idea of honesty and turned it into something that to me, can be just an excuse for nastiness. But that's just me.
    I think scienceteachasghost is right in that you have to know when you can be blunt and when you need to tread more carefully. It's possible to be honest but tactful. I'll always speak my mind if asked, but I know there are ways of saying things so that you don't deliberately make others feel bad, and I know when it's just not worth it and time to just keep my opinions to myself.
     
    grumpydogwoman and foxtail3 like this.
  8. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    I am far more forthright now that I am older. I also don't care what anyone thinks of me - what I say or do.
     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  9. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    That's fine, unless your forthright approach is hurtful to someone surely. It's not so much a question of what someone thinks of you, but more whether you are considerate of them when you're being honest.
     
  10. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    I'm frank.....


    Well, on here, anyway! :D
     
  11. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    Some people are easily hurt / upset - you only have to look through the forums to witness this. Probably a fine line between ' telling someone the way it is ' in a genuinely supportive way and being deliberately cutting.A balance is acheivable. Still I seek no one's approbation and it is seriously liberating.
     
    foxtail3 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  12. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    I am always more frank with people 'above' me in the food-chain. They can take it, I imagine. My feedback ought to be important/useful to them and I won't be mealy-mouthed.

    With people more vulnerable or less confident or secure then I'm much more guarded.

    This goes back to @scienceteachasghost's point about judging your audience.
     
    jomaimai and foxtail3 like this.
  13. Lascarina

    Lascarina Star commenter

    Of course, on this website, you might find that, even if you are honest and frank, you are censured and sanctioned, such are the prevalent gagging orders.
     
  14. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Do you have any Yorkshire genetic heritage? Apparently some people think that allows you to speak as you find. My (Yorkshire) brother in law is a prime example, which might help to explain the failed marriage and two out of three estranged children.

    Seriously though, I used to have a colleague who sat in INSET days and staff meetings quietly keeping her counsel and listening to what everybody said until the last couple of minutes. Then she'd slip a masterfully concise verbal stiletto straight between the ribs of any puffed up member of SLT who was trying to BS their way to further advancement. She was a ninja master of the art and it was a pleasure to watch - I for one greatly missed her presence when she retired.
     
  15. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I'm from Yorkshire, as I said up thread and I do think Yorkshire folk are very often blunt. More years than I care to think about dahn saaf, has made me more likely to think before I speak, but not always.
     
  16. MrsArmitage

    MrsArmitage Occasional commenter

    I used to work with a woman who had a black belt in honesty and thought it was her greatest asset. She once sent a text message about me to my number by accident. It was nasty. Her response was 'it was nothing I wouldn't say to your face'. I don't think I have ever had another person make me feel so sh1t about myself.
     
  17. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    'Its not what you say but the way you say it' i remind my daughter.she has a big gob when telling folks their fortunes...especially while van man :)
     
  18. Motherofchikkins

    Motherofchikkins Star commenter

    I was 'adopted' in a musical sense by a Dundonian fiddle player, when I first started playing on the traditional music sessions. He was a non-nonsense, call-a-spade-a-spade, sort of guy. A lot of people didn't like this about him, but I did, as I always knew where I stood. He told me that my playing needed improving and that my left hand was c@rp (that' s toned down version of what he really said!) and he spent hours going over tunes with me.

    When he finally told me that I'd played 'OK" at a session I was thrilled!

    I like honesty :)
     
    marlin likes this.

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