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beginning to feel uncomfortable in the workplace.

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by linzi1984, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. i started a new role in november of last year as a teaching assistant in nursery. Our staff team in nursery consists of 1 teacher and 4 other teaching assistants as we are of a large scale. i am sharing a carpet with one particular member of staff who is making it downright obvious she does not like me. She will totally ignore me, chooses to shout to other members of staff to help her when i am standing right there, when i offer my help she replies coldly "no!" however chooses to ask others to help her, never passes on information to me she hears about school and even when i ask her she will not give me eye contact and tries her best not to answer me.
    I fully understand that in a workplace u cannot expect everyone to like u, i have spoken to the teacher who passed my concerns onto the head of year who's reply was "its just her" however this situation is not getting any better, today for instance i was in a room with 3 other members of staff when this particular member of staff walked in and told them all valuable information and i had to ask her to tell me as she was leaving, i am beginning to feel i am invisable and totally unworthy.
    I spoke to the teacher and suggested i invited all staff out for an end of year meal, only to find they were already going and i was not invited, this in itself was upsetting and has concreted my already worrying thoughts.
    Any suggestions on how best to deal with this upsetting and awkward situation would be of a great help, i feel like my head or head of year could be offering me more support, or at least talking to her about her lack of teamwork, am i wrong to be thinking this?
     
  2. i started a new role in november of last year as a teaching assistant in nursery. Our staff team in nursery consists of 1 teacher and 4 other teaching assistants as we are of a large scale. i am sharing a carpet with one particular member of staff who is making it downright obvious she does not like me. She will totally ignore me, chooses to shout to other members of staff to help her when i am standing right there, when i offer my help she replies coldly "no!" however chooses to ask others to help her, never passes on information to me she hears about school and even when i ask her she will not give me eye contact and tries her best not to answer me.
    I fully understand that in a workplace u cannot expect everyone to like u, i have spoken to the teacher who passed my concerns onto the head of year who's reply was "its just her" however this situation is not getting any better, today for instance i was in a room with 3 other members of staff when this particular member of staff walked in and told them all valuable information and i had to ask her to tell me as she was leaving, i am beginning to feel i am invisable and totally unworthy.
    I spoke to the teacher and suggested i invited all staff out for an end of year meal, only to find they were already going and i was not invited, this in itself was upsetting and has concreted my already worrying thoughts.
    Any suggestions on how best to deal with this upsetting and awkward situation would be of a great help, i feel like my head or head of year could be offering me more support, or at least talking to her about her lack of teamwork, am i wrong to be thinking this?
     
  3. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    This is the part that is most worrying. It suggests the issue is not just the one person, but that all are involved.

    I suggest you speak to the head of year about this incident as soon as you can. However much one person does or does not like you, to leave someone out in this way is just plain childish nastiness.
     
  4. Crowbob

    Crowbob Lead commenter

    What "incident"? You can't force people to socialise outside of work. Yes, it is petty but I am not sure going to the Head of Year will achieve anything.
     
  5. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    Organising a work outing and not inviting just one member of the team is a work issue, more than mere socialising out side work would be.

    The head of year, who apparently already knows things are difficult, ought to know just how things are. Might not achieve anything by itself, but at least they will be aware for the future.
     
  6. Crowbob

    Crowbob Lead commenter

    I think, maybe, logging it would be best but not reporting it. Whilst the concerns and feelings of rejection are genuine and heartfelt, it may not come across well.
     
  7. i think if the awkwardness had not already been there then i would not have been so upset to find that they had already organised something without me. Afterall i had sugested and invited all to what i thought would be a lovely get together to celebrate the end of a year, i understand that not everyone will not have the same personalities and that work is that and not a social gathering, however when im deliberatly being ignored, not having my opinions listened to and genuinly being made to feel like id rather quit then face it again in september then surely something can be done about the negative behaviour within the workplace?
     
  8. Crowbob

    Crowbob Lead commenter

    Sorry, I focused on that one event (the meal/event out). Being ignored etc. in work is plain wrong and should be logged and or reported. I completely understand the impact of isolation on your mental well-being. My mother almost had a breakdown when a bullying employer offered everyone in the room other than her an orange. I just think you need to be careful in how and when you raise these issues.
    The excellent news is that you have only a few days remaining, then you can try a fresh start next year. Enjoy you break.
     
  9. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    I feel sympathy for you - this is the world of women at work. Cauldren stirring women at the reason I barely dare set foot in the staff room, and the reason I know every time I leave a room I'll become the topic of conversation. It's hard-wired it seems.
     
  10. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    TBH I'd be inclined to keep your eyes out for another job. Honestly! This sort of behaviour really annoys me - how adults have got time to do this to each other I will never understand. You have my sympathies - enjoy your holiday, and a break from it all.
     
  11. Bit of a sweeping generalisation, possibly because you work in a predominantly female environment.
    My husband works in a largely male environment and let me tell you some of the back biting that goes on there would curl your toes.
    Personally I refuse to become involved in any cliques or bitching, so it can't be 'hardwired'.
     
  12. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    I've never had a problem with men in the workplace, in all my years of different jobs. I've found women difficult in almost every job, and groups of them can be utterly vile. Many women will even admit that.
     
  13. scienceteacha

    scienceteacha New commenter

    Four words. Apply for new jobs. You deserve better!
     
  14. I so agree!

    I have come to the following conclusion after being the victim of similar women:
    Some women can't bear other strong or clever women and when they can't compete intelligently they jealously revert to bitchy, intimidatory and bullying behaviour to get on top. Less clever or weaker women do not pose a competitive threat, so end up as friends of the bully and therefore also become enemies of the bullied.

    Be aware, the person who is dishing out the nastiness may not actually be the ring leader; again I have seen the nastiest piece of work who spread lies etc about a person and her coerced hench-women actually doing the bullying.

    I have never had trouble with working for/ with/ over men, but maybe because the male brain is wired to think he is superior to most other people, especially women, so does not need to compete with underhand methods to gain superiority. (just a theory, men!)
     
  15. internationalschools

    internationalschools New commenter

    This is truly disgusting behaviour from "professionals" who no doubt would clamp down on bullying among the pupils. If the event in question was a WORK night out, then it is totally unacceptable that you weren't invited. Do you think you could confront the ringleader? If not, I would go to the year head. If you leave, they will do this to someone else, and that person may be vulnerable e.g. an NQT. These nasty toads need to be stamped out! I'm not surprised you feel awful, just remember is not your problem, its theirs - you are a better teacher than them and it may be based on childish envy and feeling threatened by you!
     
  16. Rockchick2112

    Rockchick2112 New commenter

    This is blatant workplace bullying- if you do some online research on this issue, you will soon discover that not passing on important information and excluding someone from social events are favourite tactics of the workplace bully. A similar situation happened to me when I worked as a TA in a special school. The class teacher would make a point of informing other TAs of plans for the day and discussed with them how they might support particular children, but didn't include me in this. I was also left out of socialising after work; once, when I overheard the class teacher inviting other TAs to the pub after work she hastily told me that 'just a few' of them were going, making it clear that I wasn't welcome. Unfortunately, I was in a vulnerable position as I was only on a fixed-term contract- it was impossible to do anything about the bullying as the head of the school was also a bully who seemed to relish joining in the gossip. Her response to me wishing to be involved in planning with the class teacher was to claim (in a job reference) that I 'wasn't seeing opportunities.' In a job reference, as well as to my face, (as part of a barrage of criticism dished out in the comfort of her own office) she informed me that I was 'weak at relationships.' In reality, the culture of back-stabbing and gossip amongst a significant number of staff at the school made relationships particularly difficult. If you haven't already done so, please sign Grrmummy's petition against the bullying of adults in schools. When a culture of hostility is allowed to exist amongst school staff, it is also the children who end up suffering.
     
  17. FollyFairy

    FollyFairy Occasional commenter

    I agree! This is what happened to me in a previous job. One woman, who for some reason was jealous of me (I am no Angelina Jolie!) spread disgusting and vile rumours about me, which was believed by other teachers including the HT leading to me being suspended! This woman is bullying you - and is being totally unprofessional. Are you in a union? Might be worth just logging what is going on with the union. Certainly keep a diary of incidents. If you do not feel you are being supported by HOY or even teacher, than sadly, I would agree with others, you may have to look for another job - though you should not have to.
     
  18. Is there somebody good in personnel or human resources where you are working? Something similar was happening to me recently, I was starting to feel very isolated and annoyed with certain remarks but didn't want to rock the boat as I thought that could only make the situation worse. Anyway, I was so angry after one incident that I followed another colleagues advice and went to personnel. They were very helpful, agreed with me that certain things were not acceptable and since that point things have improved. I agree with some of the posters about women in the workplace, just remember if they are doing this to make themselves feel better then that says a lot about how they feel about themselves.
     

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