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Been TTC so long can't even post on the TTC for ages thread!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by becky70, Jun 19, 2011.

  1. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Truly - most people on there have been ttc for 1-2 years (and yes, I know that's ages as I remember being at that stage). I've been ttc for four years now. The hope is draining out of me.
  2. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Truly - most people on there have been ttc for 1-2 years (and yes, I know that's ages as I remember being at that stage). I've been ttc for four years now. The hope is draining out of me.
  3. Becky
    I am so sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. I find I have waves of time when I can cope and when I can't. I had a colleague offering sympathy the other day - she also had a very hard and long TTC journey and was trying to empathetic, but I found myself thinking (and I know this was uncalled for as it was not how she meant it at all) that at least she had success in the end. I now seem very unlikely to have any success at all and found myself feeling jealous of the position she was in. I then felt guilty for being uncharitable and bitter!
    I've probably not been helpful at all, and perhaps I am now offering you what that colleague offered me - unhelpful empathy, but I didn't want to read and run.
    Where are you in terms of treatments at the moment? Can focusing on the future help at all?
  4. Hello Becky,
    I have no words of wisdom or motivational message to give you, and anyway, like Secret has said....you've probably heard them a hundred times already.
    But, I just wanted to acknowledge your post and tell you what a patient, brave and inspiring lady you are. Four years is just too, too long to wait for a dream and I really admire your determination.
    I truly hope that you get your wish to be a mummy, you so deserve it.
    Good luck and truckloads of babydust. x x x
  5. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to have been trying for so long in vain. I sincerely hope your dreams come true soon and you are blessed with a little one!

  6. notascientist!

    notascientist! New commenter

    Becky, I know how you feel - we've been trying unsuccessfully for 3 1/2 years now ..... having almost given up we are now looking to finance (I'm too old for NHS in my area) an IVF cycle, have appointment at end of the month. However I also found myself looking at adoption sites yesterday (though have to rule out for now as they need you to have stopped treatments for 12 months before starting the adoption process..... I am nearing 40 now and need to think seriously about how long we can keep trying ( maybe adoption in a couple of years will be for us .....) Not too sure how supportive this is - but I do now how draining it all is - yet how I don't get so tearful every month either (is that a bad thing?) ...... Take care of yourself and OH
    NAS xxxx
    (apologies for lack of paragraphs - this computer doesn't seem to put them in!)
  7. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Thank you all. I'm OK - despite being up very late!
    Secret and NAS, I'm considering having another go at treatment but we have to pay now. Luckily, my school are keeping me on next year but wasn't sure about this until recently. I think we will do it and maybe we'll have better luck this time. I am surrounded by pregnancies and babies at the moment both in work and personal life - probably coming on here doesn't help!
    I'm sorry you feel you have little chance now, Secret, and can only hope that you have some plans for the future that you do feel positive about. I do still have some chance but I'm going to be 40 before too much longer so thinking if it doesn't happen soon then it probably won't.
    I have no idea whether to go for adoption or not if it doesn't work but guess the gap they insist on between finishing treatment and applying for adoption would give us time to think it through.
    Hugs to you all
    Becky x
  8. Hi Becky,
    Bug hugs to you. I had a mc last year and at the time was given information about my womb that potentially could increase my risks for any pregnancy. I am now 3 months pg and touch wood scans etc don't seem to show that the situation is as serious as first thought, though I'm still apprehensive. It took me 9 months to conceive again, and that seemed an eternity, every period brought tears and stress. A couple of months before I conceived I made a decision that if I didn't conceive within another year, I wanted to proceed down the adoption route. I know IVF is successful for some people but knowing the type of person I am, and how much I pinned my hopes on conceiving each month (even though I knew I shouldn't) and the crashing lows when I didn't, I just knew IVF would be more than I can handle.
    Can I ask if you have ever conceived before (and subsequently mc'd?)
    Of course everyone is different, but I know for me I just couldn't go through the whole TTC cycle for as long as you, I really do admire you and it probably shows that you've got oodles more patience than me, but even though you have to leave a gap between stopping TTC and applying for adoption I think I'd rather do that and know almost certainly that I'd eventually get my little family for sure.
    I really hope this doesn't come across as me telling you what to do or anything, it must be so heartbreaking and it's so unfair that things haven't happened the way they should for you. Just maybe it's helpful for you to have other people's take on the situation and what they (think they'd do) in your shoes.
    Take care and I wish you well in whatever path you take.
    Sarah xx
  9. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    No, Sarah, never been pregnant. Thank you for replying to my thread though - it is interesting to hear what others would do. I can't say I found IVF as bad as I thought it would be but I didn't get my hopes up too much.
    Lots of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, really hope all goes well this time.
    Becky x
  10. Someone said this to me today:
    "I know this woman who had 13 rounds of IVF before conceiving so you've just got to keep trying!"
    I know she was trying to be help and I feel like a cow for it...but I JUST WANTED TO SCREAM!
    Hugs Becky...and get more sleep!!!
  11. Also I wanted to add that I didn't find IVF half as awful as I'd imagined. Before all this I always felt so sorry for those going through fertility treatment, and thought IVF must be the worst thing ever. Two failed ICSI cycles later, although traumatic, it wasn't the worst thing ever and I have no regrets as at least I know that I tried.
  12. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    (((Belle))) I don't suppose some people realise how expensive IVF is! Or how emotionally draining - I really couldn't do 12 more!
    Will be going to bed soon, Belle, I promise!
  13. I was just thinking about you Becky - and wondering how you are getting on with your fertility journey. I was also feeling sorry for myself - I too will have been trying for 4 years in August (although I have had 2 MCs so I'm not sure if it counts as trying for 4 years continuously - although I count it like that!). I was looking on the pregnancy forum thinking there wasn't a thread I could reply to when I saw this one.
    It's so heart breaking and all I can offer is empathy and support. My period is late this month and I got my hopes up and did a test but negative. Now I just have to wait for it to start. I'm waiting to be referred to the hospital for more tests and hopefully treatment but they have to test my OH again because when he took one in three weeks ago they waited too long to test it so discarded the results.
    I've looked into adoption but I can't give up the idea of having our own child and therefore, whilst I understgand the comments of an earlier poster, I think it's difficult to truly accept that you have to give up on ever being pregnant or having a child that is your own unless you are in the situation.
    Becky - I don't know you but I offer you a massive hug and a shoulder to cry on. I'm glad that you have work for next year and can therefore consider paying for another round of IVF. I hope you can feel positive on some days and that we can one day celebrate hearing the amazing news that you have had your baby.
  14. jubileebabe

    jubileebabe New commenter

    I have nothing useful to say but I can empathise with how you are feeling.
    I remember when my cousin announced her first pregnancy. I was a little jealous but thought it won't be long before I am too and she is a little older than me which helped me feel not so bad. That baby is a teenager now and I have still never been pregnant.
    I feel as if I am meeting hurdle after hurdle. First I found out I have PCOS, then when I start feeling encouraged that Clomid might help, it is discovered that DH has morphology and motility issues. Then when the doctors said IVF with ICSI can overcome this, the IVF fails and we are told it is most likely because of the poor quality of my eggs. We decide to try IVF again anyway at the first opportunity (end of March) but again have met with problems. First, the clinic was closed for Easter when I was ready for the cycle, then it was discovered I have autoimmune hypothyroid so no chance of any treatment until that is stabilised. Now I'm just waiting to try again.
    Like you, I feel surrounded by babies and pregnancies at the moment. A couple of years ago I remember one of my friends saying how she and her partner have decided not to have kids just yet, they are happy to wait and she is not ready. Now she is delighting in her pregnancy and awaiting the birth of her baby in the summer holidays. Another friend had a baby last year and is now trying for her second. She sent me a message the other day saying "hey Jubilee, when do you think you'll be ready to start popping kids out?" Uhhmmm...I was ready 15 years ago since you ask :-(
    Sorry for the rant! Just know that you are not alone xx
  15. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Thanks, jubileebabe and white rabbit. Lots of luck and love to both of you on your journeys.

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