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Been TTC for ages!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by Torri, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    Hey Woo!
    Delusional? Maybe, but you're in good company. I don't know hun, but I am being delusional right now, convincing myself that I too feel 'odd' and pg (not that I'd know!) despite a probably period over the weekend. I'm so tired that I'm sleeping far more than is normal, I've had headaches most days for a week or so, felt nauseous a couple of times last week and feel SO fat!!! I know you know that our bodies and minds can play tricks on us to simulate pg symptoms. However, it wouldn't hurt to do a test. I wish you lots of luck as usual. Sending you squillions of sacks of baby-dust!
     
  2. Bless you TIW I send you loads back too! Since our fertility clinic appt I've barely sat and analysed twinges as I've written off conceiving naturally.
    (Woo skulks off pleased that she's not the only delusional one out there [​IMG])
     
  3. As expected it was negative, so I am just weird.
    It doesn't matter how many times you test the words 'not pregnant' never fails to devastate. I'm ok, just roll on May for our next appt.
     
  4. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    Sorry to hear that Woo.

     
  5. ((nawoods)) sorry af arrived. x
    ((woo)) sorry it was negative. (And definately not delusional...i've been know to test day after af arrived...just..in..case!) Good luck in May. x x
     
  6. Hi everyone,
    Commiserations to those of you who've had the BFN's. That's always the worst part of the month, isn't it, the combination of hyper hormones, disappointment of what it signifies and the physical horribleness (sorry made-up word alert!) of having a period anyway...that's what I was going through last week when I posted my miserable, wallowing post, but I'm much more positive now. Thanks to those of you who thought of me. As my Mum said to me earlier, my time will come, be it next month or next year, and life carries on regardless so there's no point me moping round like a wet weekend.
    I went to the ballet tonight and that was very uplifting, plus have planned a trip to Paris in Easter hols and Stockholm in May hol. I feel determined to enjoy life and not put it on hold just because I'm waiting to get pg. In fact, it's tempting to book an exotic holiday for the summer hols, then it'd be sods law to be pg and not be able to go... perhaps that's a clever plan, what do you think?!
    Good luck to anyone on the 2 ww, happy bd'ing to anyone ov'ing right now, and take care everyone alse!
    Sarahx
     
  7. I tried sods law by booking an exotic holiday for summer but it didnt work for me. There is zero chance I will get pregnant until they sort whatever is going on down there with my cervix anyway (and even then I reckon I will have blocked tubes or some other reason to prevent getting pregnant- it's just the way life goes for us). So am just going to enjoy spending some time with my husband, stop worrying and try to get my life back. TTC has changed me in so many ways and not for the better. I have been asked by my best friend to be her bridesmaid in cyrpus next summer so will look forward to more exotic holidays. Wish it were different and that j could look forward to holding my baby but sadly someone else had other ideas for me. Hope things turn out better for all of you, I will still be reading and willing you all on each month until each and every one if you get your long awaited BFP. Much love ladies, you are all fab xxx
     
  8. Glad you enjoyed NY I absolutely loved it.
    It was me who worried about being delusional, still do. My tummy is still feeling weird but seeing as I had a negative test and no cycle to comment on it must be my imagination.
    I'm off to do the work I should have finished earlier in the week, so wish we had another week!
     
  9. Hi everyone and hugs to those who need it. I'm not doing good had a mini mental breakdown earlier and just don't know what to do or even how I feel. Think it's maybe because this is me now officially been trying 2 years and it's just so hard. Think i might have to go to doctors as really not going well-feel as if I'm constantly putting on a front that'll 'okay' even though I'm not. I know it doesn't help to dwell on the past but just feel so sad and upset about the miscarriage whenever I let myself think about it which I try not to do. Sorry for rambling just feel like I'm floundering and don 't know how to stop. Sorry again. T xx
     
  10. Firstly huge hugs Torri. I think what you are feeling is normal for people like us (I mean people for whom TTC is not just a few shags around ov time). I too have moments when I feel like my face is going to break if I smile any more. You do put on a front, of course you do. There is no other way. Only my mum and OH know the unbearable pain I am in every single day.
    There is only so much "I'm fine" and smile you can take. Pretending that you are okay, even though it feels like inside you are being torn apart. Smiling through other people's good news, listening to their moans about insignificant things when all you want to do is scream.
    Sometimes you feel ok, other times not. I happen to be in an inbetween stage right now. Not ok, but not not ok, if that makes sense. I think you should go to your doctor and have a chat. I did this a few weeks ago. He said he was always there to help, and if I thought I needed anything else then he could help (but I am adament I will not go down that route. Not that there is anything wrong with it, its just not for me - however there are times when I think I should, when I am having a melt down and cry for an entire weekend solid for example).
    Of course I have not experienced a miscarriage, other people will have and may be able to give you better advice. I do know that I go through periods of self hate, hating my body for not being able to do what everyone else can. Hating the world for having what I want. Hating whoever is in charge for dealing me these cards. Hating everyone for being so positive about it.
    What are your next steps sweetie? Where are you up to now? This limbo is what seems to do it to us I think. The not knowing is worse than knowing what is happening. At least then you can move forwards whereas in limbo, you do just feel like you are floundering.
    I'm sorry but I can't remember if there is a male factor thing here too?
    I don't know if I have helped, or if I have just rambled a lot of total nonsense.
    Thinking of you xxx
     
  11. Thanks pf2. I've got next appointment at clinic in 3 weeks to see where we go from here. All is looking ok for now except I didn't ovulate a couple of times during tests. I'm praying it's just that and can get sone help hut who knows. As you say it's the waiting that is the worst. Sorry for all the moaning just feeling totally upset and unsure how to cope. Think will see the doctor and see whether he can help but as you say think I just need to talk and not bottle everything up. Thanks for reading and replying. T xx
     
  12. Torri - I could have written your post.....also feel sooooo down. Last round of clomid not worked, into month 22 and IVF blood tests and scans this week. Feel depressed, tearful and angry and also knowing I should be 6 months pregnant makes it even worse :(
     
  13. Hi Torri, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. My ectopic pregnancy still upsets me and I sobbed today when my husband told me his lousy sleazy friend's girlf is five months pregnant. I cried because I would nearly be five months pregnant by now too. You really should take time off to grieve and learn to cope with what has happened. It is incredibly unfair and tremenedously painful to lose your baby. You can only fake the smiles for so long. My GP recently explained the stages/aspects of grief to me - denial, anger, sadness, guilt and shock. She said you go between the different stages but the longer you deny your grief the longer the healing bereavement process takes. It is horribly painful but perhaps you should tell yourself that you owe it to yourself and your baby to grieve. It will be sad and very depressing but you will come out the other side when you are ready. I have been taking St John's Wort and multivitamins to help the depression so don't feel that "giving in" to it means that you will need antidepressants. Although I would have taken them as a last resort. If you feel you are spiralling into depression and can't pull yourself out you need to see your doctor. Your OH is hopefully supportive but he will never know what the baby meant to you or how the hormones affected you. I found it very beneficial to see a counsellor at my GP practice. It was initially hard to talk about losing the baby but it was a relief to explain how I felt without being judged and hearing someone call to my "ectopic" as a baby! Lots of people don't see them as the same thing. Sorry to ramble and I hope this helps. Women say they know how you feel and many will, but nobody truly knows what that baby means to you when you think about the loss of what might have been and the love and plans you had for them. Sorry - I have to leave it there or I will be sobbing again :eek:(
    Gentle hugs xxx
     
  14. By the way, I've been on and off work for three months now - mostly off. I would be in full time if I could face the real world, the bumps and the babies at the nursery where I teach. They make me want to run and scream a lot of the time so I am still part time. I can paint the fake smile on for a maximum of 2.5 hours a day and then go home crying. Of course the children need us, but I believe my mental health and emotional wellbeing are my priority. When they cry for their Mummies I want to cry because I want to be a Mummy. This may make no sense to nobody else or may ring bells for everyone hear. It is very hard to know what normal is but my counsellor has told me not to feel guilty for feeling any way that comes naturally. She said to cry when I need to cry and to keep a journal. All hateful thoughts go in there - I hope nobody ever reads it although I carry it everywhere I go as a catharsis. Love to all on this agonising rollercoaster. Hope the first day back goes well tomorrow - not long until the Easter hols. Hopefully I'll be back full time by then!
     
  15. Hi ladies, so sorry to hear so many of you are feeling so utterly rotten at the moment. Why has these been made so hard for us all? Big (virtual) hugs all round.
    I have been away for half term (school trip, so not exactly a break) and OH is ill at ther moment so have not dtd a single time so far this cycle, so can count myself out already I think! Once OH is feeling better I will be off to the doctors to see if they can agree to looking into our situation. Miss B - I will let you know when I have done it [​IMG]
    Take care of yourselves lovelies xx

     
  16. Thanks again to everyone. I'm not as emotional today but think it's just because have been too busy to think. Will keep on chatting-or trying to. Sorry to bring everyone down. T xx
     
  17. Please keep on chatting to us! I think on this thread being emotional/ranting/being depressed should be encouraged. Don't think you are bringing people down, we are all here to listen (read?) to each other. ((Torri)) you are being amazing, coping with what you and others like you have been through sounds like a constant struggle. Don't give up and please post it all on here.
     
  18. Hi All, I hope you are all having a good day. I taught this morning and am now at home in my dressing gown. Off to the GP later to plan going full time next week and then yoga tonight.
    My husband and I had a lively "debate" last night. He decided that he wants to go travelling after the bloody rugby world cup. He named Vietnam as a possible destination. I was immediately hysterical as he promised not to change his mind and that we could start ttcing again in April - next month!! I can't go to flipping Vietnam if I were about to pop. This is an outrage!! I don't know what to do now. He says he is bored with life as it is so routine and would become more so with a baby. I feel so gutted now. I really don't want to put it off because I am worried about conceiving with only one Fallopian tube. But on the other hand I am very scared of the NZ earthquakes (4.5 in Wellington today) and if I were to miscarry whilst away I would blame myself for all eternity.
    I know that we have to decide between us but I'd value your opinions as you can identify with my tremendous broodiness and desperation to conceive again. I will be 30 in June and keep thinking that if I needed IVF I would want to start that sooner rather than later. I think I would be postponing TTC again until January 2012 if we were to travel as I am scared of having another ectopic pregnancy whilst out of town. I don't know what to do. A small part of me thinks that travelling would be good and that I may regret not going. I've always wanted to go to India but can't take a baby there nor go whilst pregnant. I suppose I feel I owe it to the baby I lost to try again for another asap. Which probably makes more sense. I wich my counselling sessions hadn't stopped! I think I will ask the GP for more...
    Thanks for reading and please let me know if you have any suggestions or advice!
     
  19. Antoniou, I hope you are feeling better now and that the pains have stopped. I am sorry to keep suggesting the possibilities of ectopic pregnancy but shoulder tip pain is a sign due to internal bleeding in the diaphragm. I am sure your pain is unrelated but if I can help anyone or raise awareness then I feel my own agony has been more worthwhile. I bled when my period was due so didn't test but I was pregnant and assumed it was a period. If the pain continues or you are worried then you should take a test. If it's a BFN you will probably be greatly relieved rather than upset! I ran around crying "my baby is dying" immediately after my BFP. Here is a link to the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust for anyone who is interested and some text taken from the site about pain in ectopic pregnancy:
    http://www.ectopic.org.uk/index.php/patients/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptoms-ectopic/
    <h3>Pain</h3>
    • One-sided pain in your tummy
    • This can be persistent and severe, but may not be on the same side as an ectopic pregnancy
    • Shoulder-tip pain
    Shoulder tip pain is the typical pain of a deteriorating ectopic
    pregnancy. It tends to develop after you have been aware of feeling
    unwell or having other symptoms of vaginal bleeding and pain.

    <h3>Shoulder tip pain</h3>
    This may be due to internal bleeding
    irritating the diaphragm (the muscle in your chest which helps you to
    breathe) when you breathe in and out. Shoulder tip pain is exactly where
    it says &ndash; not the neck or the back but the tip of your shoulder. If you
    look to the left over your shoulder and then cast your eyes down, the
    tip of your shoulder is where your shoulder ends and your arm starts.

    Shoulders cause pain when we are stressed because we hold ourselves
    more rigidly, and muscles in the back and neck go in to spasm &ndash; this is
    not shoulder tip pain. Shoulder tip pain is very distinctive. You know
    when you have it because it is a very &lsquo;weird&rsquo; pain you have probably
    never had in your life before (unless you had pain of this nature with
    gall stones).

    If you take 2 paracetamol, which are known to be safe in pregnancy
    providing you have taken this medicine in the past without problems,
    apply a cold pack to your shoulder for 10 minutes, and 30 minutes later
    your shoulder pain has eased, that is unlikely to be ectopic related shoulder pain. However if in any doubt consult your doctor about it.

     
  20. FS, thanks for posting that info. I'm starting to worry a bit now though. I did a pg test 2 days before AF was due with a FR test and it came back negative. Not sure I want to put myself through doing another test, but I don't know what these 'symptoms' are. If it was just before AF I wouldn't think anything of it, but there's another part of me that thinks maybe I'm just making something out of nothing.
    I've never had the should tip pain you have put in your post, but I am aware that an ectopic preganancy doens't mean I'll have all the classic symptoms. I just don't know what to do now!
    On the travelling front, I don't think anyone can make that decision for you. I know that you were planning to go travelling before you fell pg. Maybe you could comprimise and plan a really good holiday over the summer visiting a few places, rather than going off around the world for a year? Or even do things in the holidays and got to a different place each time? We did Hong Kong and the Maldives for our honeymoon (summer hols), Mexico last Easter hols and New York this half term just passed. There a lots of fabulous city breaks you could do aswell: Rome, Prague, Las Vegas, Singapore.
    Hope that helps? xx
     

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