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Been TTC for ages!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by Torri, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. Hey lovely.
    I know how this feels for you and I am sending you an enormous hug. I know life is so ***** and unfair but it will be your turn soon, just hold onto that thought. X
    Just after I lost my little bean, a colleague at work said, when she got pregnant again after a loss, this baby was twice as precious. I know that will be the case for us both. x
    You will never, ever stop wishing things turned out differently and now nearly a year after my ectopic I still have blue days. Reading your post today made me feel sad for both of us, and I had a little blub feeling your pain.
    I hope things went well, did you find the strength to give the baby a cuddle? Maybe it might help with the grieving process. Plus...they smell so good and are meant to give ttcers good luck!!

    Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking about you.
    Lots and lots of love, Miss B x x x x x
     
  2. You are by no means alone. I stopped posting on the ttc thread as my poor jealous heart couldn't take anymore BFP's. I think a pregnancy announcement shows that miracles happen everyday but I'm tired of it not being my little miracle. If that makes me a bi*ch then I'm sorry, but it's about self-preservation.
    I think we're all far too hard on ourselves. We work with children of all ages and have to deal with some parents who are completely inadequate, so we cannot escape our desire by immersing ourselves in work.
     
  3. Well AF arrived last week and it was all I could do to stop myself from eating my body weight in malteasers!
    I finally managed to get a Hycosy appointment (ultrasound with dye to see if tubes are open) so I have that later this week.
    Woo - I also have a lot to lose. I have managed to lose nearly a stone since my first appointment with the fertility consultant in December but need to shift nearly 4 stone more (!) to get down to IVF acceptable weight (not that I sure I want to go down that route, but I don't want to be told I can't do something - if that makes sense?). I feel quite determined and feel better already having lost the first stone and dropping a dress size. I have joined weightwatchers which is helping me to really watch what I eat and I am exercising most days - walking on treadmill we have at home or outdoors with my dogs, or 30 min workouts using Wii Fit Plus. Feels like a lifestyle change for the good which hopefully may pay off with improved fertility, or if not it keeps our options open regarding IVF. It is a good excuse to buy new clothes anyway (have to look for any positives at the moment and retail therapy has always worked well for me!).
     
  4. Woo and Antoniou - I stopped going on the TTC thread months ago. Just too depressing.
    I am finding this to be one of the hardest things I have to deal with. Day in day out surrounded by kids whose parents don't cherish them or working with parents who make it clear they feel their kids are an inconvenience. Some of the child protection stuff I have to deal with seems to hit me even harder now than it did before I started trying for a child of my own.
     
  5. Definitely, not that I was hardened to it before but I could detach myself from a situation.
    I'm rejoining Lighterlife as I have so much to lose and not much time to do it in. I did this 3 years ago and had fantastic results but I sabotaged efforts by losing focus and falling back into bad habits. Great news on you weight loss Molly keep it up x
     
  6. OH has just told me that there are rumour going around again that I'm pregnant - so much so that his mum asked him when she phoned from Cyprus (where they live) earlier! For God's sake, what is it with people?
     
  7. Oh no, that's the last thing you need. Hope the rumours will be true soon though xxx
     
  8. toeinwater

    toeinwater New commenter

    Heard today a sort of friend of a friend has an 18 year old daughter... with a 7 month old baby.. AND IS 5 MONTHS PREGNANT! For goodness sake. Different fathers too. Life just isn't fair!
     
  9. Thank you for the welcome Miss Bangles and Millie poppy! So many of the feelings you're all describing are so familiar. It's nice to know I'm not alone (although not nice you're all going through it, if you know what I mean!). I feel so much for those of you who have lost babies. I know how hard I have found this process so far and can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Sending hugs to anyone feeling down. We are going through the process of finding hospitals at the moment. Obviously hoping not to need to go but feeling pretty certain we will! x
     
  10. Millie - I'd definately go back to the doctors. Phone up tomorrow and get the ball rolling! Lovely that your OH wants to be there too to support you. Will be waiting for your appointment date tomorrow.......!!! x
    Antoniou - you are so not alone with your feelings! I'm there too! A friend has just started ttc (1 month) and I'm pretty sure she is pregnant already. I'll be so happy for her, she'll make a fab mum, but.....arrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! (Although I'm pretty lucky as well as me and OH have a fab teenager son, maybe we are being greedy wanting another?) x
    Foundation stage - again, good luck tomorrow, it's going to be tough for you. Big hugs. x
    Sparklepixie - hoping too that you won't need your hospital appointment. x x x
    Good luck everyone, here's hoping for some Valentine conceptions!!!! x x x
     
  11. Hello ladies, well done millie for starting this thread. From what I have read, it is really nice to have people in the same position, who feel the same pain as I do.
    Well I am going to have the HSG under a general anasthetic. They may also do dialation to my cervix while under too, depending on what they find. I am waiting for a date. I think I am in denial. How am I going to have an operation?
    From what some nurses have said to me I am not sure if they think this is the cause of our inability to conceive or not. They said sperm just need a tiny hole, which I must have given I have my period.
    I am so annoyed with myself for not getting it checked when I knew my periods were funny. I am so cross that this has happened to me. Why was I not warned about it? I went back a few times after the procedure as I was sure there was something wrong, how come they didn't check? Hindsight eh?
    I have now stopped thinking about having a baby. It's not going to happen. I have stopped being sad, stopped crying about it. Just numb. Will this ever end?
     
  12. Aw pinkfairy I'm feeling the same just don't think it'll happen. This month been rubbish as now been 2 years which strangely feels like a milestone of sorts. ? t xx
     
  13. I guess it's the limbo for us. We don't know if this narrowing of the cervix is causing us to not conceive, or if it is his poorish sperm, or some other reason (like blocked tubes).
    I can't believe I am going to need an operation. I have hardly ever been in hospital before. What if this treatment I had has completely ruined our chances totally? What if, after this, I have an incompetent cervix (when it basically can't hold the baby)? What if this is not the end to all the pain?
    We have an appointment with fertility clinic in March (just been told date has changed) but they can't really tell us anything until this operation is done. No idea how long I am going to have to wait for it.
    Huge hugs Torri, it's so hard watching the months/years pass by without any hope.
     
  14. I know it just feels rubbish. We've got our next appointment march too so really hoping that we find out something tho have a feeling they're just going to say nothing wrong and need to wait and see. As you say it's the waiting that's worse. T xx
     
  15. Oh no, I hoped today would never come! Iam having breakfast and dreading work.
    Pinkfairy2, I'd never had surgery before my ectopic pregnancy. It was scary but you will be in safe hands and they won't do anything that wouldn't improve your chances of a natural conception xxx
     
  16. Oooh, Miss B, now you'll be checking up on me to see when I've done it! I will probably make the appointment after half term, as going away on Friday. Currently feeling sorry for myself on the sofa with cough, cold, tissues, dogs and tea, really hoping I can throw this lurgy off before going away.
    ((Pinkfairy)). I know its hard (impossible?) to think positive, but perhaps this is the next step to getting you closer to being able to conceive naturally? Having things checked and operated on as necessary could help things along, surely?
    I thought AF had come last night, which I was reasonably pleased about, as I wanted her out of the way before next week. I wiped and there was watery pink, then after shower bright red. Then later when I wiped it was browny red and since then nothing. This is strange for me as she usually just starts all bright red. It is typical that the first month in ages that I actually wanted her to come and gp, that she messes about. She will come back later today or tomorrow and then I face a coach journey with her on Friday. B**ch that she is!! Why do our bodies mess us around so bad?
     
  17. Hi Millie Poppy. Hope you are feeling a little better. I'm at home now too and work was okay thank goodness. I hope this is AF coming for you but I am a worrier now with unexpected bleeding. I bled lightly for three weeks before I found out I was pregnant. The early tests were all BFNs and I assumed my cycle was mucking around. If this is uncharacteristic then take a pregnancy test. The usual bleeding associated with an ectopic pregnancy is like prune juice - dark brown. I'm sure it's nothing but I would hate for anyone to have the shock and trauma I experienced. And I would never have tested had a friend not told me that those were her symptoms before she ruptured. Just the thought of it is making me cry. Hope it is just a reluctant period for you xxx
     
  18. I am glad your first day back went okay FS - I'm guessing that in a few days, school will do that thing to you where you feel like you've never been off. Thanks for your advice - it's nice to have people looking out for you. I have had no more bleeding of any kind since last night, I think my body is just messing around so I have to sit on a coach for hours with AF. Had all my usual pre-AF symptoms, so I'm sure she'll be along soon. Also we only dtd twice this month, so chances of any kind of pregnancy are very low I imagine. Having said that, if she hasn't shown up by Thursday/Friday, I'll do a test just in case. Thanks lady, sorry posting to me made you teary [​IMG]
     
  19. Hi ladies,
    I'm now beginning to doubt this month will be my turn. All symptoms have disappeared, apart from a scratchy thorat - which is probably the start of a cold. Just not feeling positive at all. It doesn't help that I caved and did a test when I get home from work on an internet cheapie that came up negative. [​IMG]
     
  20. I also wanted to reassure Molly that from what I know about the HSG, it was fine! I was freaking out about mine before. Like mega style. Now I took feminax about 45 mins before I went in (could not find any other painkillers!!). From what I had of the HSG (which was mostly just poking and prodding, given that they couldn't put the tube in) it was not sore at all. I find a smear test far more painful than that. Granted, they did not put the dye in but I really don't think that it would have been painful at all.
    The one thing that freaked me though that I was unprepared for was that I was not allowed anyone in with me. I broke down in the middle of the waiting room when I heard this. Also I had to put a gown on in a little room then walk through the corridors to the xray room!
    We are just at a stand still just now. OH and I have both said we have stopped thinking about having a baby. It just feels so far remote from reality. Sad really.
    I was thinking the other day, how come everything has happened to me? Most normal people don't have abnormal smears that need treatment. Most people that do do not get cervical stenosis. Most people can just have a baby without all this. Why is it that all the worst things have happened to us? Makes me think that it is not over yet. What more is there to come? Am I going to miscarry due to an incompetent cervix now (this is a risk of the treatment I had)? Because everything else that was not supposed to happen to me has. Feeling sad and ? today.
     

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