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BBC radio: 'Why has Feminism affected the Mother-son bond?'

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Vince_Ulam, Sep 29, 2018.

  1. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I have listened to the entire programme. A lot of what the women said was completely alien to me as far as my understanding of feminism goes, but I recognise that it's a broad church and there are many people who call themselves feminists with whom I share little in common. I felt however, that instead of looking at feminism in it's most basic form, which is the idea that men and women are equal, it decided to focus on the more radical 'men are bad' aspects (which I do not subscribe to) and portrayed this as mainstream feminism (which in my experience it is not).

    I have two sons. I am not conflicted about how to raise them at all. I have a very close relationship with my 13 year old, but I couldn't say whether that was because of my feminist ideals of equality, or just because I'm naturally quite an open and honest person and as such no topic has ever really been out of bounds in our house (unlike in my own upbringing). Plus, there was a couple of years when it was just me and him, and I do think we've got a bond unlike the ones I have with my other two children because we never had to share each other. Our relationship is the longest running in the house. Maybe that makes a difference, maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'll find out when my other son grows older, but at the moment he's only 3.
    My relationship with my daughter is very close, but again I'm not sure whether that's to do with the fact that I try to be a strong female role model for her, or because she is naturally just a really loving, caring, sweet kid. She's also only 8. So who can say.
     
    colpee likes this.
  2. colpee

    colpee Star commenter

    I thought there was some mix-up of what most people would recognise as standard good parenting (i.e. teaching a child to cook and clean for themselves) as a pro-actively feminist approach; an approach that almost carries the danger of being counter-productive? Equally,rebelling against parental ideas doesn’t in my mind, necessarily signify a male culture v feminist divide that needs to be attacked on those lines -more a natural family evolution that has to be sensitively handled.
     
  3. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I agree. I felt like it was making a big deal of how it was feminism that was causing problems when a lot of the time it could just as easily have been normal teen stuff.
    I've always approached parenting my children in that I want them to be the best they can be. That means being independent (eg teaching them to cook and clean for themselves) but also teaching them resilience, a good work ethic, kindness, empathy, integrity etc. To me, I've never really thought about whether being a woman would mean I was not as good a role model for my sons, or whether they need a father figure in their lives, because for me, the ideals I want to push are not gender specific. I want them to be kind, hardworking, honest, respectful, decent, empathetic, considerate people who judge others by their character not by their religion, skin colour, sexual preference, genitals or anything else.
    I don't have an ideal of what a man should be like, and I've never felt the need to push any particular ideal of what a man should be like (or a woman) onto my children.
    That to me is feminism in parenting, and I don't feel conflicted about it in the slightest.

    I might ask my son what he thinks about it when he comes back from his weekend at his biological dad's house.
     
    colpee likes this.

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