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Baby cries a lot - what am I doing wrong?!!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by happycat23, Feb 26, 2011.

  1. Ok I know this will sound like a very stupid question but how much of the day should I expect my 10 week (nearly 11 week) old baby to be awake for? She already has colic (or possible silent reflux according to doctors) which causes her to scream and cry for hours non-stop every evening until about midnight. She also screams her way through most feeds (day or night) and in recent week has become very grumpy in the day too ... basically she cries on and off all the time!
    Aside from the fact that it is driving me MAD I am worried that she is not going to develop well as I hardly get any chance to play with her due to all the crying. My OH thinks I spend to much time holding her or trying to play with her and that I should put her in her cot to sleep more but (a) she doesn't seem to like napping in the day and just cries and (b) I feel like a bad parent for sticking her out of the way and ignoring her.

    What do other people do? Does anyone else have a baby who was like this and grew out of it?

    Any comments or experience much appreciated!!
     
  2. Ok I know this will sound like a very stupid question but how much of the day should I expect my 10 week (nearly 11 week) old baby to be awake for? She already has colic (or possible silent reflux according to doctors) which causes her to scream and cry for hours non-stop every evening until about midnight. She also screams her way through most feeds (day or night) and in recent week has become very grumpy in the day too ... basically she cries on and off all the time!
    Aside from the fact that it is driving me MAD I am worried that she is not going to develop well as I hardly get any chance to play with her due to all the crying. My OH thinks I spend to much time holding her or trying to play with her and that I should put her in her cot to sleep more but (a) she doesn't seem to like napping in the day and just cries and (b) I feel like a bad parent for sticking her out of the way and ignoring her.

    What do other people do? Does anyone else have a baby who was like this and grew out of it?

    Any comments or experience much appreciated!!
     
  3. kittenmittens

    kittenmittens New commenter

    Hi Happycat. My friend has a colicky baby and it's really tough, so big hugs. She and her partner literally work shifts with the baby in the evenings while the other plays soothing music through earphones to themselves to have a break, cooking dinner or whatever needs doing. They were v worried about the neighbours minding, but they never heard the baby crying. One thing that really helped was putting him to bed earlier, think it was 8pm rather than 11pm that they previously did, but it might be hard to do this if baby screams through feeds, how frustrating for you.
    It's very hard, the crying wears you out and can make it impossible to get anything done. Do you have a loose routine/ pattern to the day? How does baby sleep at night? Overtiredness can be a big problem,my LO can only be awake for a couple of hours feeding/ being changed/ playing/ having cuddles before getting v cross because she is tired, my problem is she resists sleep and then it rolls on to the next feed because she's too hungry to sleep. I've had some success with swaddling her, putting in her basket in her room with the monitor on and curtains closed with clean nappy as soon as I see sleepy cues eg rubbing eyes, sighing, yawning. (Thanks ladybug for the advice!) I put the dummy in and leave her unless she cries- gurgles are ok. It seems to work some of the time, in desperation I do a circuit round and round the block with the pram (neighbours know me well!) or out in the car. Trouble is, very tired babies don't want to play, cuddle, feed, sleep, do anything except scream and that can really test your sanity. I'm sure you're doing a great job, don't be hard on yourself. She will develop fine and won't remember these days when she's older! Even a couple of minutes doing a rhyme or looking at toys after a feed when she might be a bit happier is all she needs. I was worried my LO wasn't changing much but then in the space of a couple of days she started 'chatting', holding toys, giggling a bit, holding her head up much better etc. I'm sure your little lady will outgrow this but in the meantime look after yourself. Hope you're ok x
     
  4. is she formula fed? could she be allergic to it and need a different one?
    swaddling has helped my LO to sleep longer and he seems happier - got one of those swaddle blanket things from tkmaxx. he also likes classical music and if all else fails i drive around in the car or push him around in his pram until he drops off.
     
  5. 11 weeks is nearly 12 weeks. 12 weeks in when things improve typically.
    This matters. Get every ounce of support you can.
    None of this matters. You just have a baby with colic. She is not well at the minute. She will be fine. None of this will matter. She will be at school which chidren who won't be born for her another six months so developmentally - er - she'll cope.
    When you hit rock bottom it's always a good idea to change what you're doing. Not because you've done anything wrong just because if what you're doing isn't working you've got nothing to lose by changing.
    big big hugs happycat. you'll be happy again soon.
    By the way I think you are very, very sensible for sticking her out the way and ignoring her a decent chunk of the time. This is what happens with younger siblings anyway without anyone batting an eyelid because they haven't got time to.

     
  6. My friend had a really grumpy baby who screamed literally all the time and he was really helped by a cranial osteopath. I'm not sure what he did but they basically discovered that the 'plates' in the back of his head were overlapping after a difficult delivery so the poor thing had a permenant low level headache.
    I also echo what the others have said about bedtimes, we really struggled with this when our LO was about 11 weeks and we would take it in turns to stay up with her until she dropped off, normally about 11pm. However, since we've started a much earlier proper bedtime routine she's now asleep by 7 most nights, altho she wakes up lots!
    A sling was a must for us during this time, we took it in turns to wear her around the house!
     
  7. I've heard good things about cranial osteopathy too.
     
  8. handrail

    handrail New commenter

    My baby cried LOADS and I would say I definitely saw an improvement by
    about 3 months. I didn't know much about babies, having never been
    around any so I didn't really know what was "normal".
    He's 5 months now
    and has definitely grown out of it. He can be awake up to 2 hours now (was probably only happy awake up to 20-30 mins at 10 weeks)
    and when he gets grumpy I know he has to sleep - though he still doesn't go to
    sleep easily.
    My LO used to cry so much he'd go purple and hold his
    breath... thankfully he's grown out of this and is generally quite
    happy. It's alot easier now he's more predictable :eek:) I'm certain it will get better for you in just a few more
    weeks. xx
     
  9. thank you all for taking the time to read and reply!

    have just been walking her around in her pram for almost an hour, happy enough whilst on the walk but as soon as we got in she started screaming! Have given her a bottle and she didn't scream through this one, winded her for half an hour and then laid her on a play mat. She has just played for about 15 mins or so and has been smiling and chuckling (so lovely) then suddenly started crying so have put her in her cot with the mobile on. She is now screaming in her cot (goes quiet for a few minutes then carries on) [​IMG] Will quckly eat my tea then go back up and comfort her (if I can!)
    I will certainly look into cranial osteopathy so thanks for the tiip, although we are pretty low on money at the moment so can't see other half being too keen on the idea!
    She tends to settle around 11/midnight and will often sleep then until about 7am which is very good but I have a feeling this may only be because she is exhausted after all the screaming!

    I have tried changing the milk to cow and gate comfort but after 2 weeks on it she seemed to be worse (particulalry in the day) so doctors have suggested we go back onto the SMA. Have done this and am also giving her gaviscon but there seems to be no improvement so it is looking like we will have to wait for her to grow out of it. [​IMG]
     
  10. Thanks! I do hope you're right!! It's helpful to hear that your LO was similar and is now much more content. Sometimes I worry that it isn't colic at all and that instead she will forever spend her days screaming .... slightly over the top I know! She was 3 weeks early, do you think that this would make a difference (i.e. she's really only 8 weeks rather than 11)?! xxx
     
  11. My friend swears by this! Her little girl had the same problem and she had 2 sessions of cranial osteopathy and she's muh calmer. It's not cheap but worth every penny. Think she paid £40/hour.
     
  12. handrail

    handrail New commenter

    I'm not sure it would make a difference your LO being early as my LO was 2 weeks late. The midwife called him bad-tempered and impatient at just a week old and suggested we get a dummy (the poor little thing). We always thought it was wind and made extra special efforts to wind him after a feed and used infacol after a few weeks which seemed to help a bit. The crying used to get me down as it does feel like it will never end. It's good your baby is sleeping well at night though. My little monkey doesn't sleep, I think I've got myself a naughty one... good job he's cute :eek:) xx
     
  13. Babies generally cry because they are hungry or need love. So feed it and then hug it. If it is still crying then it is taking the mickey and is probably best left in the cot and ignored for a day or two.
    Babies should be bought up in this strict way so they don't end up with ASBOs when they are toddlers.
     
  14. What do we think ladies? Troll? Kid pretending to be a teacher? Nutter?
     
  15. Where?
     
  16. Well teacher training taught me to move beyond the syllabus, so its on MY course.
     
  17. handrail

    handrail New commenter

    Hmmmmmmmm......[​IMG]
     
  18. Set up a thread for the daddies happyboy but please don't offer them too much advice.[​IMG]
    We'll do that!
    #1 Advice to OH. If new mummy is being an irrational nutter, do not engage in conversation. Insist she sleeps. Do whatever it takes to make sure she gets at least 4 hours sleep.
     

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