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At the end of my tether

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Orkrider2, Oct 28, 2017.

  1. EmanuelShadrack

    EmanuelShadrack Star commenter

    I agree, except I wouldn't describe it as a form of violence. To me, violence means a physical attack.

    I hadn't thought it was worth it compiling evidence, but perhaps it would be, for future proceedings. It would be one of those rare cases where a teacher compiling evidence might actually be a useful exercise.
  2. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    'Abuse' might have been a better word than 'violence'.
  3. emerald52

    emerald52 Star commenter

    I did say emotional abuse, a form of domestic violence. It is having a huge effect on the OP though she does not bear physical scars.
    bonxie and InkyP like this.
  4. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    Just thought I'd give a quick update. I'm so grateful for so many of you taking the time to reply and support me the other week when things were just getting too much.

    Some stuff has got better. We had a very serious chat, he went to the doctor and the doctor (new one he'd never seen before) immediately tripled the dose of his allopurinol saying it was clearly the wrong dosage for someone of his size with his level of severity. Husband also told me how he'd complained to the doctor that they never chase him up or warn him when he should be coming in to be checked and that's why he leaves it (lol, right?), and the doc apparently told him in no uncertain terms that the NHS was not his mother and that if he's in pain he is to tell them, they're not going to ring him periodically to see how he is and if he needs anything. This was apparently quite a revelation to Mr Ork (despite the fact that I've told him this repeatedly) and he'd presumed that because the doctor wasn't calling him to get his gout sorted, there was nothing more they could do.

    He has been taking the pills properly now for at least a week and a half (I've checked!), and as predicted it initially brought on a big flare up, but it seemed to ease within a couple of days and he now says that he's pain free in his feet for the first time in his adult life, though his wrists and a couple of fingers are still sore. He's walking better than he was - well, faster at least - but I think it's going to take a very long time for him to get any kind of normal mobility back in his just feet because those muscles and joints haven't been used for so long. Whether he'll try to get fitter or not is anyone's guess (my money is firmly on no but we'll see).

    On the plus side, he is a lot less grumpy and has even had a couple of nights when he's not played PS. Even the kids have noticed and commented on it! We're even supposed to be going out together tonight for a bit of a reunion of a group of mutual friends, though he's already starting to make excuses because he found out someone he doesn't like is going, even though there'll be about 10 of us. I'm going out regardless because I want to celebrate getting my masters, and there is a couple who are coming down from another town to stay with us because we're all supposed to be going out so I don't want to let them down by saying we're not going, and besides, I don't get to see this group that often so I'm not going to let him ruin it. We'll see.

    So yeah, thank you all again. You kept me sane the other week when I was crumbling a bit, and gave me the courage to have it out with him. Hopefully it'll be onwards and upwards from here. Baby steps and all that.
  5. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Thanks for the update Orkrider. Any improvement, however small, is a bonus. :)
    Jesmond12, peakster and pepper5 like this.
  6. Moony

    Moony Lead commenter

    The NHS aren't his mother, the bit I still don't get is why there's no threats to cut off his supply if he's not been for a blood when he's meant to. I really wish I had that doctor!
  7. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    It's not that he's not turning up, he's not booking them. We have to go to the local hospital for them, which isn't a problem. It's 5 mins away, and you book online. He's being told to book a blood test, take these tablets and come back to review if there's a problem, then goes away doesn't book the test, runs out of the tablets and just goes oh well, they're not chasing me so that's it, no one can do anything, this is just how it is.
  8. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Glad to hear there's been some upturn...
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  9. bonxie

    bonxie Established commenter

    For your and your children's sake, I'm glad he's starting to take his medication and is beginning to spend less time on the PS. Enjoy your evening out, whether he chooses to go or not. You deserve a chance to celebrate your achievement with your friends.
    InkyP, pepper5 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  10. Moony

    Moony Lead commenter

    What I mean is that he's had those tablets on that dose for years but not had the follow up blood tests. I'm meant to have annual blood tests but since I'm on a stable dose and generally fine when taking it properly I just want to crack on and can forget to get the blood test done. They have threatened to cut off my supply in the past until I've gone in for the booodtest.
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  11. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    What good news Oakrider.

    Yes, just baby steps, and he is going in the right direction.

    Have you ever heard of a Chinese massage called Tuina? If you could find someone in your area that practices this, it might help your husband. It is a special Chinese Massage used within hospitals in China. It is used for physical and mental stresses.

    If you search in your area, you might find someone who offers it.

    Enjoy your evening out and congratulations on your masters.
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  12. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    In my experience simply being able to walk should make him fitter. Encourage him to walk small distances every day (not walk himself to his limit, collapse in pain and then do nothing for a week) and gradually build up what he's doing.

    I'm glad things are a bit better. I hope it lasts!
  13. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    Aah, I see. Thinking about it, I don't know. For all I know, he has been cut off and that's why the tablets had run out and he's had to go back to get it all restarted, which is why he's still on a starting dose. I just don't know. I've always just left it to him to sort out and periodically questioned why he's still so bad, when he's going to get checked, but it's hard because I have to rely on his word and I know he lies to me about it to get me off his case.
  14. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    Kick him on his bad foot.
    sabrinakat, thatmaninthehat and Moony like this.
  15. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    I think that you have been very patient and caring. But it is now time for some tough love. As GDW says it is time to take some action and tell him to go whilst he sorts himself out.

    When he does he can return. I would also ask the question - do I want this marriage to continue?

    Sorry to be blunt but I don’t know what more you can do as it appears that he doesn’t want to help himself.
    thatmaninthehat and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  16. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I think he knows this is his last chance. It'll upset a lot of people, not least my mother, who believes that splitting up a family with children is the worst possible thing you can do to a child (!), but he's been warned.

    We'll see. We're supposed to be out in less than an hour and he's still on the ps, as he has been for 7 full hours now. Great way to spend a rare child free day with your wife, eh? :(
  17. silkywave

    silkywave Lead commenter

    I think the ps could burn out ...you know what I mean ?
  18. chelsea2

    chelsea2 Star commenter

    What we he do if you got really cross and threw a jug of water over him and the PS? (Which would hopefully put it out of action).
    silkywave and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  19. Moony

    Moony Lead commenter

    Could be. Hopefully with him being on a higher dose he'll pull his head out of his bum with taking it seriously and managing his gout.
  20. Moony

    Moony Lead commenter

    As an act of kindness to the poor innocent PS I volunteer to adopt it.....just putting that out there.....

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