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Are you more of a 'first impressions count' or a 'don't judge a book...' type of person?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Orkrider2, Feb 7, 2016.


How do you form opinions about other people you've just met?

  1. First impressions count

    8 vote(s)
  2. Never judge a book by its cover

    3 vote(s)
  3. It depends on the situation

    5 vote(s)
  4. I hate everyone equally

    7 vote(s)
  1. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    Just out of interest really. Idle musings of my procrastinating brain. Any explanation as to why one over the other would be welcomed :)
    Personally, I'm someone who's always very acutely aware of the impression I'm making on other people - probably a little too much as it tends to cause quite a lot of anxiety - and I think I presume that other people must do the same, so I judge people quite quickly. But then again I'm so often wrong that I do try to counteract that instinct. Maybe I'm just rubbish at judging what people are really like. Or maybe it's just that in the age of social media, there's a much clearer window into people's private lives and thoughts so the differences between my judgements and the reality are more easily noticed, and actually my initial judgement was perfectly fine for the nature of our relationship and I'm just holding people to standards higher than they realistically need to be. Like, it doesn't really matter if my sister's wedding florist is a bit racist, or thinks gay people shouldn't be allowed to adopt, so long as she does nice flowers. I don't know. I wish I was better at working out what people are really like though, it'd avoid a lot of disappointment.
    coffeekid likes this.
  2. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    The World is against me.
  3. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    I do judge by the cover, then invariably change my mind. I'm almost always wrong.
    coffeekid, Orkrider2 and lanokia like this.
  4. Scintillant

    Scintillant Star commenter

    I tend to dislike everyone

    Then work back from there if they warrant it
    monicabilongame likes this.
  5. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I have a 'feeling' often before people say anything, but it would be harsh and imprudent to judge on that basis.

    I have very recently, been disappointed with th views of someone from whom I had thought better.
  6. emilystrange

    emilystrange Star commenter

    my first impressions are usually more or less right, and further acquaintance confirms. not often i have to do a volte face.
  7. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Oh dear, have I 'blotted my copybook'? ;)
    Or is that rather arrogant to assume it's me you might be referring too? Must be the paranoia!o_O
  8. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    I usually try to go on neutral... I try to let people's actions and words form my opinion of them.

    But in some cases people are just so sparky or smarmy or depressing I can't but help but form an opinion.
  9. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I find this a lot. I think I give people the benefit of the doubt too much sometimes, and I am too quick to presume that other people hold views and opinions similar to my own. But I suppose their presumption of the same when judging me is what leads to the conflicts when we talk to each other expecting to find agreement and are then both disappointed with each other.
  10. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    My dad actively plays on the fact that in person he looks nothing like the person you'd expect from hearing about him. I think he gets a bit of a kick out of it. Despite this, I think he tends to form impressions of others very quickly, and annoyingly, he's usually right. It's like a superpower.
  11. finisterre_277

    finisterre_277 Established commenter

    Think that's the way I play it too. Sparky is good!
  12. finisterre_277

    finisterre_277 Established commenter

    Smarmy is the worst.
    lanokia likes this.
  13. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    No, no, no @Lara mfl 05. Only on Friday was I singing your praises on another thread. This was to do with a professional relationship and most certainly not someone who has ever visited these forums.
  14. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    foxtail3 likes this.
  15. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    I find a handshake an excellent indicator of first impressions. I like a good firm grip with eye contact, not to floppy but not crushing, not looking away. Many a time I've shaken hands and made a judgement which has proved to be correct.

    But I do change my mind when warranted. I, too, am someone who worries a lot about the first impression I make and I'm sure others do, so while I may make snap decisions, I'm happy to revise if I'm proved wrong.
  16. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

  17. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Error double post!
  18. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    I think we all form an opinion based on first impressions. The important thing is to be prepared to change your mind.
    indusant, coffeekid, InkyP and 3 others like this.
  19. Flere-Imsaho

    Flere-Imsaho Star commenter

    I'm always surprised when most people are quite nice. There's still not many I would care to spend long periods of time with.
  20. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I have to admit I'm pretty good at sussing out the wheat from the chaff early on. I can tell the difference between honest folk from spivs and have been able to do so as long as I can remember.

    In fact, whenever I ring up a call centre these days, they try to make the most of my skill by telling me they will be recording the call for training purposes.

    If I ever manage to get through to a customer service assistant I intend to disabuse them of this notion within the first few seconds of the conversation, by letting them know that the only training they will be getting out of me is that I don't work for nothing.

    I'm sure my material will be invaluable for training purposes and it may be possible for us to come to an arrangement by which they pay me copyright from what they've learned when it's used in calls with other customers, but I'm not going to be taken for a mug, am I?

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