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Are you an outstanding teacher? Take this Ofsted test to find out!

Discussion in 'Primary' started by FrabjousDay, Nov 21, 2015.

  1. FrabjousDay

    FrabjousDay Occasional commenter

    Do you have what it takes to be an ‘outstanding Ofsted teacher’? Take this handy quiz and find out…

    Disclaimer - this is written in jest (obviously). Nothing to be taken too seriously here.




    You’re being observed this week. How do you prepare?


    A) You pull out all the stops, but don’t get too worked up. You’ve done this long enough to know that observations can be subjective.


    B) Upon hearing the news you rush to the toilet to ‘power vomit’, saving time in your busy week by cramming your purging into a 5 minute window. You begin transforming your class; children’s art work is ripped from the walls to make room for interactive learning posters. You use your left hand to mimic children’s handwriting as your forge an impressive array of work which adorns the walls. The material of your lesson is differentiated 17 ways, and you decide to learn sign language just in case any of the children come to school that day with an ear infection. On the day however, your nerves get the better of you, and you spend your introduction nervously choking back sobs. When your observer leaves you promptly collapse into the book corner, and spend the plenary curled up on a bean bag muttering about success criteria.



    It’s date night! What have you got planned?


    A) It’s a rare occasion to leave school work where it belongs - at school. You make a point of leaving earlier than usual and enjoy a good meal with ever so slightly too much wine.


    B) You like date night because your boyfriend often cooks you a meal. This is good, because you are saving precious time on cooking, and taking in plenty of calories for an all night marking session. Date night is good.





    You have been asked to do assessments. Only this time the school wants a detailed breakdown of every child’s progress, with all the data entered onto a colour coded excel spreadsheet with a box for each aspect of the curriculum. The data must be finished then duplicated in the next three working days, and must also include a chart of learning time missed due to toilet breaks, and ‘miscellaneous’ expressed in a percentage of the child’s life span. Do you:


    A) Think this is a bit much and contact your union?


    B) Not sleep for three days, spending every spare minute trying to complete the task – when children approach you with questions you shriek ‘leave me alone!’ Your raised voice reduces one of them to tears. You hope this sets an example to the other children to put a cork in it.



    Johnny’s parents have paid for him to be privately assessed, and the news is in: He’s dyslexic. His parents have demanded more support which the school have agreed to. How do you react?


    A) You meet with Johnny’s parents and spend a lot of time nodding. You agree to put a new learning procedure in place all the while trying to control your excitement about the fact that tonight will be the first time using your new slow cooker that you got for your birthday.


    B) You step to it. Sure the daily mountain of emails from Johnny’s parents can be demanding, but in your class no child is left behind. It’s time to make a 100 page document aimed at tackling Johnny’s affliction. Colour coded, full of phrases like ‘impacting upon’ and ‘learning journey’, it is presented to Johnny’s parents with a tear in your eye. They seem happy, just about.



    Your feedback from your observation is in. Not good enough! How do you react?


    A) Shake your head wearily - you know you taught a good lesson, but you also know it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself sometimes.


    B) Book some time off at half term for the holiday you deserve: Aggressive self-flagellation in your basement. You spend your evenings in front of a framed picture of Michael Gove, slapping your tear stained face while screaming ‘only outstanding is welcome here!’ You return to school refreshed and with a slightly unhinged glint of excitement in your eye.




    Ofsted are in. They want some feedback on the children’s progress. What do you provide?


    A) You give them a selection of the books they’ve been working in this term. You prepare your counter argument if they want more.


    B) You knew that backlog of books would come in handy! You pile up every book they children have used from the age of five at the front of your class. Each collection of books comes complete with an ‘academic journey’ of colour coded information and data which makes little to no sense, but by God does it look good. When the Ofsted inspector asks you to explain it, you find yourself only to utter the word ‘data!’ a single tear falling down your cheek.






    News of a radical new teaching method from Japan has prompted the government to change the curriculum for the third time in as many years. What are your thoughts?


    A) This constant change is too much. You don’t care how good this new method is, the children need stability and consistency.


    B) Did someone say ‘turning Japanese?’ Haha, but seriously, this can only be for the best. You adorn your classroom with national flags of Japan, begin learning the language and when you see a Japanese tourist on the weekend you cannot help but rush over to him and whisper ‘teach me’ feverishly in his ear.



    How many hours did you work this week?


    A) Too many. What with assessments, assemblies, after school clubs, and the constant challenge of keeping up with planning and marking, you’ve put in an average of twelve hour days, with some creeping into fourteen. Like many of your colleagues, you’re starting to seriously think about a career change.


    B) You’re not sure how many, but you are sure about one thing: IT WASN’T ENOUGH. Sure, you spend your evenings marking and go to bed so late that you struggle to remember your own name in the mornings but who doesn’t? You still know that, like Boxer, you must work harder.




    You enter the staff room to see a colleague in tears. ‘I just can’t take it anymore!’ she replies when you ask her what’s wrong. Do you:


    A) Put your arm around her and make her a cup of tea, reminding her that you and your colleagues might be able to help. We’re in this together!


    B) Recognise the pangs of sympathy stirring within you for what they are – weakness. Squat down so you are eye level and tell her that the teaching movement cannot afford dead weight. Mention that there’s one place where weakness is however celebrated: the dole office. Leave, happy that you’ve squashed a potential rebellion.




    What’s your approach to marking?



    A) You do your best to stay on top of it, but you a make a point of actually trying to talk to the children in your class, verbally addressing their misconceptions as well as writing comments.


    B) You know that if there isn’t a comment on every page of a child’s book, that child will fail at life. By the time the sun rises each morning you awake surrounded by pages covered in illegible scrawl. Satisfied that you’ve done your job, you stagger to work, taking the wrong bus a couple of times due to your sleep deprived state.




    A colleague is grumbling about the unrealistic expectations and working conditions at school. They mention contacting the union. Do you:


    A) Confess that you’re glad you’re not the only one feeling this way, and look forward to working towards improving things.


    B) Enthusiastically agree and engage them in conversation about their plans, teasing out as much information as possible. You then wait until your colleague is out of sight before picking up the phone to eagerly report them to your comrades in senior management. They are pleased. Your loyalty will be rewarded with promotion.




    Mostly As: You have failed in the eyes of all that is worthy: Ofsted. Hang your head in shame, and find another profession before you embarrass yourself further.

    Mostly Bs: Double plus good ;)
     
  2. ruthlawn

    ruthlawn New commenter

    Made me smile .
     
  3. Yoda-

    Yoda- Lead commenter

    download-3.jpg

    Mostly b?
     
  4. HelenREMfan

    HelenREMfan Star commenter

    Nice jack @FrabjousDay .... is it yours? We could compare Jacks :)

    Amusing post too if still a lil uncomfortably close to home at times....
     

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