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Approaching 60

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Jesmond12, Apr 14, 2019.

  1. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    In a couple of months time I will reach the age of 60 and I have to admit that it is very depressing.

    I cannot stop thinking about the last 40 years and thinking I wish things had turned out differently. I suppose the biggest thing that has affected me was the death of ny first wife which happened after we were divorced.

    I try to remain positive but I cannot shake off the cloud of depression that hangs over me.

    Has anyone else felt this way?
     
  2. lanokia

    lanokia Star commenter

    Apply the brakes?

    Nah seriously... I'd say something trite like "no regrets" .. Or "only great experiences, no bad memories"...

    But I suspect when I'm 60 I'll be looking back and feeling kinda sheety.

    *Apply manly back slap here*

    I know you wanted people with actual experience btw but I like your posts and don't want to just read and skip.
     
  3. digoryvenn

    digoryvenn Lead commenter

    I am sorry Jesmond.

    The death of your first wife must have been a difficult time. I think we all have regrets of one sort or another.
    Being 60 isn't old anymore.

    I also wish things had turned out differently; perhaps we all do.

    I am sorry but I have no words of wisdom to offer.
     
  4. dumpty

    dumpty Lead commenter

    OK does depend where you live but often you can still do this in cities, too:

    Wake up at the crack of dawn, walk outside and listen to the birds singing. Remind yourself how beautiful the world can be and how blessed you are to be here.
     
  5. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    I felt pretty.... victorious when I made it to 60!
     
    TCSC47 and agathamorse like this.
  6. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    I think most of us feel that way at certain points, especially any 'X0' birthdays.
    I'm slightly older than you and I realised recently that being born in the 1950s that's well over half a century ago! :eek: Half a century did sound much worse than I feel.
    For me though passing 40 was 'my big problem birthday'. Digory_venn's correct though 60s isn't considered old anymore. In fact now you have to be over 80 to qualify as 'elderly, so you've years to go. ;)
     
  7. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Star commenter

    Hi Jesmond

    I turned 60 last November and it does make you stop and take stock of all the years that have passed. For me, turning 60 coincided with retirement (last July) about which I was so hugely relieved that feelings of euphoria outweighed any angst of the passing of the milestone.

    My main focus has been on trying to boost my health and fitness, so as to fare as best I can as I age. I have undertaken a regular gym and swimming routine which has boosted my fitness and also my general state of mind. Both my girls moved out for good last summer, which has really hit home, but I'm lucky in that I am in a good relationship so have a solid support indoors.

    I'm sorry you have aspects of your life that you regret, which are coming into the forefront at this time of your life. Your ex-wife's death will undoubtedly take a long while to come to terms with. Do you have things you can look forward to? Have you retired yet? If so, can you plan things so that you really appreciate this stage of life? Are you in a relationship which can provide the solace and support you need? What is it exactly that is causing you regrets? Sorry - too many questions, but I just wanted to try to understand more about what is going on in your mind.
     
  8. Josh7

    Josh7 Occasional commenter

    Reached 60 a few weeks ago. Am quietly slightly excited because retirement seems that much closer when I shall have time to do things that I want to do.

    Easy to say things like don't dwell on the past but I think that is important - the past can't be changed. Hope you can think of some things to look forward to.
     
    agathamorse, TCSC47, nomad and 3 others like this.
  9. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    I’ve always struggled with birthdays with a zero. I remember not wanting to be twenty (I think I did enjoy being 10!) So I’m a little past 60 which more or less coincided with retirement from being a full time headteacher. You’ll know how that felt. That was a huge adjustment although it was something I wanted to do.

    Yes, we look back over our lives and wonder how things might have been different but we are where we are. It’s natural that the death of your first wife still affected you. Jesmond, you speak of Mrs J so it’s good you have a partner now. I’d try to focus on making the best of life at this stage. It’s all we can really do. But you’re not alone in not enjoying these significant birthdays especially as it feels as though it’s expected to make such a big thing of them now.
     
  10. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    I am approaching seventy (April 2020 for @Dunteachin 's diary). I look forward to doing what I can. Worry about death tomorrow not what you think you missed yesterday. If yesterday had been different it could well have been much worse.
    You see? Forgetting my birthday already.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2019
  11. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    I prefer doing that on a clear, moonless, dark night.
     
    TCSC47, dumpty and Jesmond12 like this.
  12. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Nothing I can say can necessarily lift the cloud that has descended on you but I have found my 60s to be a great few years ( I'm 67). I set my priorities - no1 stay fit - and have had some good times - social life, holidays, cultural events, new learning. There is so much good stuff to look forward to. You know you can't live your life backwards - regrets are a fact of life. Go to the docs if you need to and try and keep healthy every day. Sorry you've hit a bad patch.
     
  13. Aquamarina1234

    Aquamarina1234 Star commenter

    Ooo I always thought you were much younger! You type young!
     
    Mrsmumbles, agathamorse and racroesus like this.
  14. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    Thanks for your replies. I have retired although due to a couple of bad financial decisions I am doing a bit of supply work to boost my pension. I do have a lot of positives in my life and yet I cannot shake off that black dog of depression.

    I am hoping that once I reach my 60th I can feel more positive about life again. I have been looking at joining the “Men’s Shed” group which helps men with their mental health as I have no friends that I can share any issues with.
     
  15. chelsea2

    chelsea2 Star commenter

    I hit 60 last year. I've never married, so used my 60th as the excuse to have a big party, with all my family & friends from the different parts of my life (and loads of 70s music). It was great fun, but the night went too fast, so for my 70th I think I'll do an 'open house' all day with a meal out in the evening for whoever can come.

    I think I've been so enjoying my (early) retirement for the last 4 years that I have ignored the significance of being over 60 (like @Sundaytrekker I hated hitting 20!).

    So much I want to do, which I couldn't do when teaching because it took over my life, that every day is a joy. Sometimes I 'waste' a day, but there's always tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow....... until there isn't. I'm grateful to be reasonably healthy, grateful to have enough money to achieve most of my dreams and grateful to have plenty of friends to spend time with / unload to.

    I could look back and regret some things - but I won't, because it's pointless, and there's so much to look forward to.

    Onward & upward!
     
  16. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I'm 60 later this year and to be honest I don't consider it to be any different to turning 59 or 61 - decades are artificial constructs based on our species counting with the fingers of both hands. It's just numbers.

    I'm currently involved in a physically demanding practical project, on a volunteer basis over a number of months. Most of the other volunteers are of a similar age to me or older. A couple of them are nearly 80 and are putting the rest of us to shame in terms of sheer effort and determination - truly inspirational.

    I'm sorry to hear about the OP's bereavement, but I doubt of those we lose would want us to mope about afterwards. I'm increasingly convinced that the trick is to keep doing positive stuff until you keel over at whatever age happens to be your sell by date. Don't hang about waiting until some indefinable moment of revelation happens at 60 @Jesmond12 - start being positive at 59 and 10 months. Get out and do stuff - this is the good bit between job and decrepitude. :)
     
    monicabilongame and lindenlea like this.
  17. eljefeb90

    eljefeb90 Senior commenter

    I had my sixtieth birthday last November. I took early retirement three years ago and those three years have, on balance, been the best years of my life. My health is good and I am mortgage -free and have no money worries not child care responsibilities. I feel so fortunate to be out of the toxic school environment and say yes to everything that comes my way. I am also fortunate as my dad had a quadruple bypass at 58 and my mum only reached 35.
    I have a very good friend who had a very similar life event to you Jesmond. He and his first wife divorced and he was so devastated he upped sticks and went abroad. Within the year she committed suicide. The guilt still lives with him even after 35 years. He always relived it when he's had a few. I don't want to go in for faux philosophy, but not many of us can do an Edith Piaf and claim that we regret nothing over 60 years of life as a flawed human being. What we can be is thankful that we are still around and, what's more, living in paradise compared to previous generations of humankind.
     
  18. schoolsout4summer

    schoolsout4summer Star commenter

    It's all about how old you FEEL.
    Get yourself a hobby.
     
  19. efm

    efm New commenter

    I have a few more years to go yet but have been feeling similar I think after my xoth birthday last year. Due to certain circumstances have been feeling hopeless about the past and future. I feel I have just existed the last ten years or so and I'm certainly not looking forward to a very poor retirement. I have however just had a mega clear out and reorganisation. I have cried over many old photos (the trigger being one of my grandma - from Jesmond- hugging me at my wedding a year before she died) but I have also found things from the past that I had forgotten about. In a strange cathartic way I now feel that these things show me for what I once was/define me. I have decided that I need to now continue to define myself, not with any great 'perfect life facebook adventures' but with reconnecting with who i am. I know this sounds vague but I realise now that I'm more of a person than I was thinking I was. This was helped by my 84 year old dad phoning to say he was too busy with his music society, his golf, his garden and meals with friends. I'm not suggesting that crying over the past like me is helpful but you are much more the person than you think you are. X
     
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  20. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I turned 60 in 2013 an took the chance to retire. Prior to that, a visit to the doctor's surgery was a rare thing for me, but after I stopped working, illness of one sort or another attacked me with a vengeance.

    I was also bored out of my skull. I didn't waste my time though. I used it to catch up on the history education I never got at school and other educational stuff that didn't exist during my schooldays.

    Mentally, my mind is as agile as it ever was and without my reminiscences of bygone days, I reckon I could be taken to be aged somewhere between 20 - 30, because I still think the same way I did then.

    I chose to go back to work for my sanity. My physical health improved as a consequence, but I can't deny I suffer the ailments that old age bring, such as my eyesight not being what it once was and having to put up with the aches and pains that a life on borrowed time brings.

    The job I took was an unlikely one in the eyes of my friends, based on my previous careers, but I find it immensely rewarding. You'd be surprised how much my previous careers have been useful in helping me make a success of it. Experience is mostly what helps me be good at it.

    I can't see myself retiring again in a hurry unless I really have to.
     
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