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Anyone left their partner in the UK?

Discussion in 'Teaching abroad' started by Figmo, Feb 5, 2020.

  1. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    I've scored an awesome job in SE Asia, an absolute dream.

    We've decided my partner of 20 years isn't joining me- we are planning on seeing each other 6 times in the year in the holidays with him coming to me during the shorter hols and me back to the UK for the main ones. We are hoping after a couple of years he will get a job in the area too.

    Anyone done the same/similar and got any advice for me how to deal with missing each other (and my dog!)

    We are a v solid couple with 100% trust FYI. Any words of wisdom appreciated! :)
     
  2. tb9605

    tb9605 Established commenter

    My parents did this: my mother was running a Nursery School in the Cotswolds but my Dad's work (engineer/fleet management specialist) took him to Tanzania, Sudan, Ethiopia and Montserrat for 6 months at a time for over a decade. This was before Skype/Whatsapp, in the days when I had to memorise a 14 digit pre-paid number to call him. They are still together, and now both in the UK. There were difficult times for them, and I suspect some of my dad's health problems stem from too many nights in the bar drinking his way through the expense account in the pursuit of company to try to deal with the loneliness. My mother had family around her, plus us kids, so felt it less keenly. I think it's harder for the one overseas in that sense.

    They would often book holidays away for just them, with often just my mother flying out to join my dad (which left a teenaged me in charge of the house during school holidays - party-time!)

    Good luck. I wouldn't do it. Personally, I'm dreading being away from my wife of 12 years for a week when I'm on a school exchange later this month.
     
    Figmo likes this.
  3. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    Thank you for your response tb. I cannot imagine doing this without WhatsApp!!!

    I find it easy to make friends and we will be seeing each other more often than your parents did. Good to hear they made it work.
     
  4. percy topliss

    percy topliss Occasional commenter

    My wife and I did this for a year, although she was in KL and I in Bangkok, and we weren't married. Even that distance when we could travel relatively regularly wasn't great. I have also known a few others who have done it at much greater distances and I would say that about 50% of the relationships survived. The costs that you will incur travelling to and from the UK will quite likely negate any savings that you hope to accrue. However, each to their own, what does your partner do? Is there no chance that he could come out sooner?

    Good luck,

    Perce
     
  5. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    Hey Percy, we will be in that 50% i am certain! And we've weighed up all the financial implications for travel and will still be able to save. Hes a computer nerd so could probably come sooner but doesn't really want to in this stage in his career.
     
  6. percy topliss

    percy topliss Occasional commenter

    Sounds good Figmo, I wish you all the best.

    Perce
     
    Figmo likes this.
  7. englishtt06

    englishtt06 Occasional commenter

    My partner and I did this for two and a half years; but - I was in Germany - not too far from the UK! As Percy notes, the further away the harder it seems to be to maintain it. I think teaching is a good career for this because of the generous holidays but half-terms were easier from Europe to UK than, say, SE Asia to UK. If your partner has a good leave allowance (flexi-time and working-remotely also really help) then that will be useful, too. In truth, I found it harder being away from my pets :) as even though there is video calling, pets are tactile which is redundant on a screen.....
     
    Figmo likes this.
  8. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    Hi englishtt, yes he is a contractor so will come for longer than 1 week over half terms as he isn't bound by holidays - there's a possibility of him being able to work remotely too.

    My dog is a huge concern!!! I love her so much!!!! But it would be silly to not follow my dreams for that reason. And the reunions will be oh-so-sweet
     
  9. T0nyGT

    T0nyGT Lead commenter

    I tried but my wife found me
     
    sabrinakat, claytie, tb9605 and 2 others like this.
  10. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

  11. tigi

    tigi Occasional commenter

    I've considered it but ultimately came to the conclusion it would be too hard to sustain so it would only with as a temporary measure. When I take jobs I like to take ones I'd stay in for more than just the minimum so for me its a no.
     
  12. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    Thanks for your thoughts tigi. With respect - not what I was asking for (See original post)

    I am taking the job and asking for advice from those with experience. Ta!
     
  13. Kartoshka

    Kartoshka Established commenter

    I have a couple of colleagues who have done this. One has kept the relationship long distance, and the other moved her partner over after a year or so. I can ask them if they have any tips...
     
    Figmo likes this.
  14. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    I would be most grateful!!! Many thanks in advance
     
  15. PuRe

    PuRe Occasional commenter

    Keep Skype/WhatsApp on while you guys do normal stuff. Watching telly, eating cooking, sleeping (if time difference is large) that way you are both very much involved in each other’s lives.
     
  16. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    Great idea! Thank you
     
  17. gudrunbjorg

    gudrunbjorg New commenter

    We are currently doing this. I'm in Brazil and he is on the other side of the Atlantic teaching at a different school. Going on 2 years now across different countries. It is definitely doable if you are committed, but be prepared for difficulties with time difference. Happy to chat with you if you want.
     
    Figmo likes this.
  18. bigfatgit

    bigfatgit Occasional commenter

    Yes!

    Please don't look under the patio
     
    dumbbells66 and Figmo like this.
  19. Figmo

    Figmo New commenter

    Awesome, will take you up on that!!!
     
  20. rosaespanola

    rosaespanola New commenter

    We are currently doing this, also happy for you to PM me if you want to chat about it.
     
    Figmo likes this.

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