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Anyone know any adoptive parents?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by becky70, Jul 7, 2012.

  1. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Just wondered how easy it was for adoptive mums to make friends with other mums. All my friends have had children the usual way and made friends at NCT classes, mum and baby groups etc. With my friends all the talk has been pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby stuff - I imagine we would adopt a child who was at least two so thinking it could be difficult.
    Are any of you friends with anyone who's an adoptive parent - I don't know anyone in RL and never see anything from adoptive parents on here.
     
  2. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Just wondered how easy it was for adoptive mums to make friends with other mums. All my friends have had children the usual way and made friends at NCT classes, mum and baby groups etc. With my friends all the talk has been pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby stuff - I imagine we would adopt a child who was at least two so thinking it could be difficult.
    Are any of you friends with anyone who's an adoptive parent - I don't know anyone in RL and never see anything from adoptive parents on here.
     
  3. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    One of the teachers I worked with on one of my placements years ago has 2 adopted children - one is a teenager, the other 3. Her husband has left work to be a stay-at-home dad (they're in their 40s) and I often see him at toddler groups/rhyme time etc. I don't suppose anyone knows his daughter is adopted unless he tells them.
    I had both my children 'the usual way' and I didn't do NCT classes, and didn't stay in touch with anyone from antenatal classes, although I do see some from time to time out and about. I didn't do any postnatal groups either, just started going to rhyme time when my son was a a bit older. I have a few friends who had babies around the same time/just after and I spent time with them.
    I'd say if you adopt a toddler then start doing groups like messy play, rhyme time, toddler groups etc and you'll also get chatting to other mums in the park probably. That's what I do!
     
  4. Hi Becky70,
    I am a birth mum <u>and</u> an adoptive mum. I would advise that when you adopt your child, get yourself down to mums and toddlers etc where you and your child can socialise with other children and mums. (once they are settled) If your child is a bit older then you will meet other parents on the school playground during drop off and pick up time and there are always out of school clubs to take them to.
    I wouldn't worry too much about meeting other parents, it seems to come with the territory of having kids that the mums etc just start chatting about all the children and people just get on together. It really made no difference whether it was my birth children or adoptive children, I had the same reception/discussions with the other parents. In fact, lots of the parents don't even know that my third child is adopted and are always surprised when they eventually find out.
    Obviously you won't be able to discuss pregnancy/breastfeeding etc but it really is only a small part of the conversation and, depending on whether you want to tell people about the adoption, I have found that if I tell people about the adoption, it is another conversation opener and keeps people aware adoption. I don't shout it from the roof top that my son is adopted and many people don't know because its never come up in conversation but i also never lie and if it comes up I do mention it.
    Good luck and if you need any advice at all then you can email me at sammyj78@o2.co.uk
    Sam
     
  5. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Thanks for your replies, Chica and Sammi.
     
  6. *waves to Becky* hooray you're back! So exciting.. Keep us updated of the progress! Re other mums I meet other mums all the time through nursery, local park, local soft play cafe... I know loads who didn't do antenatal classes and it hasn't made a difference. You tend to be talking about the stage they ate going through now, rather than labour etc as the nature of it all is firefighting whatever the current challenge is... Errr... Don't let me put you off! I mean whatever the current interesting stage in their development is.... ;-)
     
  7. Paradoxicalgirly

    Paradoxicalgirly New commenter

    My friend adopted an 18 month old and is currently going through the process again. A lot of her hubby's pals had children who were a couple of years older than her daughter, but she met other mums with similar aged children at the children's centre. Lots of luck. xxx
     
  8. anon8315

    anon8315 Established commenter

    Hi becky, I'll PM you I think x
     
  9. MrsDetermined

    MrsDetermined New commenter

    First of all- it's nice to see you're back!!

    Today was the fourth anniversary of my nephew's coming home day. He was six months old so won't remember at all but his mummy and daddy have always thought it was really important to celebrate the occasion. He is having his nursery friends to the party and they are all aware that he is adopted and it's openly discussed whenever he needs.

    Regarding meeting people- It may well vary in different areas but my SIL and BIL adopted four years ago and everyone was put into a group that they then met with at regular intervals, I suppose it's the adoption equivalent of NCT classes. All the information sessions were with the same group and then as the families met their respective children, they were encouraged to attend regular meet ups at a special soft play centre.

    I think this system is great because not only does it provide parents with support, it helps children to understand that there are lots of others in the same situation..

    I hope this helps. I wish you lots of luck on your journey. I truly believe most things happen for a reason and it might just be that somebody, somewhere knows you can do this. It's not easy to offer a home to a child that may not have had a good start in life.

    Please keep us posted, thinking of you xxxx
     
  10. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Thanks, Mrs D - nice to feel welcome! Also, thanks, Jubileebabe, for answering too. I'll keep you posted xx.
     
  11. cazone

    cazone New commenter

    Hi, I'm an adopted parent. We had our little boy of 2 placed with us during the summer holidays so it's only been 3 weeks. However we've made friends at mums and toddlers and the local supermarket already! I'm up front about the fact he's adopted to anyone who asked - especially when people in shops ask "who does he take after - you or your husband?"
    You meet people during adoption prep groups who will become life long friends, re talk about birth etc, yes you can't share those moments with them, but you will still have all the same emotions - scared before going to panel, elation when approved and sleepness nights when you bring him home for the first time.
    Feel free to contact me if you want any advice over it, its a long process but so worth it.
     
  12. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Thanks, cazone, I may contact you in the future. Hope all continues to go well.
     
  13. I'll PM you
     
  14. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Thanks, MF, I've read your PM and replied.
     

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