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Anyone got back together successfully after a break?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dogcat, Feb 27, 2012.

  1. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Anyone out there broken up with someone and gotten back together months later with success? If so please give brief details of reason for split and reason for trying again.

  2. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Anyone out there broken up with someone and gotten back together months later with success? If so please give brief details of reason for split and reason for trying again.

  3. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    The split was a result of one person having a bit of a breakdown over work/family issues which were not connected with the relationship. That person ran away from everything.
    The reason for trying again is that the the other party insisted that the relationship had been good and finally managed to get through.
    What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It works for relationships too.
  4. nick909

    nick909 Star commenter

    I got back together with an ex after a 5 month break. We were together for 3 years initially, then second time around for 1.5 years. The break up was entirely my fault; I'd behaved like an inconsiderate idiot, who only realised what he had once the break came. A wake-up call that made me change completely - we got back together as we clearly had unfinished business and were still very much in love. We eventually broke up when that love fizzled out though.
    I would add that there was no-one else in our relationship at any time, not even during the break. That is fairly crucial in most cases, I'd imagine.

  5. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Thanks for the feedback, I have had a 4month break and ex wants to try and start again. I am not even considering it until he has some actual hard fast reasons other than he has missed me!
    Not sure if these things can work second time round, and at the moment I just feel crappy and confused!
  6. Apologies in advance if I've got the wrong poster but was it you who split with your bf due to his lack of ambition for finding work outside of the family business?
    If so, I guess it would depend whether or not his circumstances have changed. If it was a problem for you before it won't suddenly not be a problem for you if you get back together again, will it?
  7. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Yup, that is me. Hence why I have told him I don't see a future as nothing has really changed, there is still no drive or oomph from him in any direction.
    Logically I know it makes no sense, which is why I have said no thus far. Just playing on my brain and more time goes on more I miss him despite filling my time as much as I can.
  8. I think it's natural that you miss him.
    I would be wary of getting back together again, however, if the reasons for the original break up are still there.
  9. Crowbob

    Crowbob Lead commenter

    Amen to that...
  10. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

    [[[Mr Dogcat]]]
  11. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Weirdly harsh, some of my family and friends agree with you!
  12. bnm


    I've already pushed my nose into your relationship issues with my opinions but I continue to be of the same mind. I believe you have complete different values in your lives. I understand his more than yours, but if neither of you will change your values then nothing has really changed.
  13. Yes! I was with someone for roughly nine months and then one day he decided that he felt overwhelmed (He had just got out of a serious relationship when we met and he had a small child!). Three months later he got back in touch and then we took it slowly. That was four years ago and we have been married for 18 months.
    Every relationship is different though- you have to do what feels right for you.
  14. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    My sweetheart and I have been together for a long, long time,I dread to look at the date we married for fear she'll be expecting me to fork out and celebrate a notable milestone. But we spent 18 months apart when she effed off with someone else. If you ask her, she would decribe it as a fantastic time. A time free from all the responsibilities we are acustomed to and the prospect of a new future.
    For my part, it took a while to come to terns with the fact she'd left and realise I didn't want to live on my own. I met a lovely lady online and we experienced together the highlights of a blissful sexual intimacy most people can only dream of.
    It wasn't to last though, because she believed the world I inhabited was so far apart from her's the two would never meet. She told me I made her feel like Eliza Doolittle with my worldly knowledge and wasn't the least comforted by my sugestions she reminded so much about my mother in her sense of family values.
    I look back on this time now as a holiday my wife and I both needed away from each other. She asked if she could come back and I didn't give her any grief about it. Neither of us has demonstrated a need to repeat the experience and although we aren't really connected on intelletual things, we look after each other's welfare.
    On balance, I'd say her brief sojourn into the outside world helped the longevity of our marriage.
  15. jazz2

    jazz2 New commenter

    There's a pattern here, dogcat.
    The posters who have broken up with someone and got back with that person have said that things changed - either the cause of the break-up changed, or the people within the relationship changed in some way.
    If what you've said is all there is, then there has been no change for you or your ex - you do miss each other, so obviously still care about each other, but if neither of you have changed your expectations at all, then won't you end up in the same situation again?
  16. Richie Millions

    Richie Millions New commenter

    Where trust is broken there is no way back ever in my view x
  17. bristolmover

    bristolmover New commenter

    I was with someone for 5 years, we broke up and went our seperate ways. 4 years later he asked for me back... we said we'd take it slow... until I found out he already had a girlfriend! He hadn't changed and still hasn't, 2 years further on. Glad I didn't stay with him.
  18. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    My OH broke up with me the day before we were due to go househunting! (We had been together about a year) We were only apart a few weeks and he said he just got cold feet, but since then we have been together another 5 years (and have now just moved countries together!)
    It really depends on the initial reason for the break up. I once got back together with an ex who had cheated, it just went from bad to worse and was a huge mistake! All depends on individual circumstances x
  19. Ruthie66

    Ruthie66 New commenter

    Couples break up for a reason - if things subsequently change then there is some chance of it working out if they get back together, if not...
  20. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter



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