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Any forces wives / girlfriends out there?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lillipad, Aug 2, 2011.

  1. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Hi all, my boyfriend is in the army and will soon be deploying to Afghanistan. Am finding it quite an emotional time and would really love to chat to some people who have been through it all before or are currently going through it... Am looking here rather than these 'forces support groups' that are on the web as I think it would be lovely to speak to people who also work in education and are in a similar position to myself!
  2. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Hi all, my boyfriend is in the army and will soon be deploying to Afghanistan. Am finding it quite an emotional time and would really love to chat to some people who have been through it all before or are currently going through it... Am looking here rather than these 'forces support groups' that are on the web as I think it would be lovely to speak to people who also work in education and are in a similar position to myself!
  3. Cestrian

    Cestrian New commenter

    Sorry I can't help with experience of the forces, I just didn't want you to think no-one was reading your post, lilli.
  4. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Thank you :) I thought it may be a long shot... maybe someone will surface tonight lol
  5. catmother

    catmother Star commenter

    I'm sure that there are some.I wish I could remember who they are but I can't for sure. Maybe keep upping this thread. Also,you might want to post on Opinion too as some posters do not post on Personal.
  6. My sister has recently been in a similar situation. She is not a teacher.
    Do you know any of the partners of his fellow soldiers. I know my sister drew a lot of support from people around her, who had been/were going through the same.
    I think it is very difficult to understand the unique position forces families find themselves in, unless they have been or know someone who has been through it.
    As a girlfriend and not wife (as such), you may find yourself more isolated. I hope not.
  7. Hi, I'm a forces wife - sorry to hear you are facing this separation. It can be very hard but the initial shock of it does wane and you do become accustomed to being without your other half. In fact, you can really rediscover your independence and it can be rather difficult adjusting to having them back after several months!
    I've been through a separation of 6 months when hubby went off to Bosnia. This was before we had our daughter so I was lucky enough to be working and this was a great help - it gave me something to do every day so I didnt miss him so much. I think it is much harder for couples who have children. We were also based in Germany when he went on operations and there is much more of a social network for wives over there. I found this a great source of support. I guess its a bit different in the UK, especially if you dont live on an army "patch." On the plus side, you'll be nearer family and will be able to turn to them for support.
    Try not to worry about your hubby while he's away - my hubby actually had the time of his life in Bosnia. He viewed it as "real soldiering" - what he'd actually been training for all those years. Yes there were unpleasant aspects of being on an operational tour (the danger, the discomforts etc.) but he actually enjoyed himself and really bonded with his regiment.[​IMG]
  8. lapinrose

    lapinrose Lead commenter

    Not a forces wife but Dad was RN and o/h worked in Germany for BFBS TV. Always around for a chat as I know how lonely it can get.
  9. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Hi guys,
    Thanks for the lovely responses. My boyfriend is actually based in Germany, so there are no other wives / girlfriends around that I could use as a support network. I've never met any of them either... I am used to him being away, but it's going to be difficult as we usually talk daily and he's going to leave a huge gap in my life :(
  10. zannar

    zannar New commenter

    My Husband was in the forces for 14 years, my brother in law for 22. My daughters' friends are now enrolled.
    I will not say it is easy. I was stationed abroad with no close friends or family. NI, Falklands, Gulf(x2) meant hubby and BIL away.
    It is their job, it is what they are trained for and want to do, this is what you have to remember.
    Have your own life and don't overthink.
    You will have jitters, you will miss him.
    My husband says he was comforted by the fact that I just got on with things and didn't distract him from his job. Yes I told him I missed him, kept him informed of life at home, children etc. I did not tell him of my fears, worries, problems at home etc. If he was thinking too much about these things it may have affected his ability to concentrate fully on the job in hand.
    T he home coming is sometimes difficult. You want their affection and their time. Sometimes they want( and desperately need) time alone to wind down and think.
    My hubby often felt as if he was staying in a hotel when he came home. It was a part of his life but not totally his as I had 'ruled the roost' and had routines which he was not involved with.
    I will say that the home coming can be fantastic and I often wish he would go away again because the reunion is .... I feel myself blushing as I write! [​IMG]

    We have been together 28 years now. It can work, just compromise, understand and be prepared that some things will never be talked about.
    I feel proud of all I know in the forces and all those I don't.

    Good luck and I hope my ramblings make sense.

  11. zannar

    zannar New commenter

    Just my own experience, others may differ, but thank you .
  12. My son has returned from a 6 month tour of Afghanistan - he is in bomb disposal which greatly added to my worries! I just had to put my worries to the back of my mind although I did not sleep too well and was unsettled when I heard a car pull up outside my house late at night!!
    My son managed to phone home every week or so which was wonderful, we just chatted for a few minutes but at least I knew he was safe that day.
    The one thing I could do to support him was send loads of parcels out there - I aimed for one a week, full of his favourite sweets, biscuits and magazines, also 'seasonal' bit and bobs as he was out there over Christmas and Easter. You can get a list of suitable items from the Army website, the soldiers are well provided for re food, toiletries and clothes so it is a case of sending little extra treats just to show that you are thinking of them. He used to look forward to the post, often getting two or three parcels at the same time when he was out at a Forward Base and all his mates used to share the goodies - Haribo Tangfastics were his favourite sweets!! You get free postage up to 2kg in weight and I used to use old shoe boxes or large jiffy envelopes.
    Another tip, when he is back for R&R part way though, just give him space and time to sleep and relax, my son did not want a fuss or endless visits to relatives and spent all him time in bed, eating or playing on his playstation!!

    The time will soon pass, try not to moan to your boyfriend while he is away as there is nothing much he can do to help and you do not want to add to his stress. Look forward to the end of his deployment, he will get loads of leave and should have a decent amount of money saved from his wages, my son has just bought a car for cash and is off for a lovely holiday with his friends, its the first time he has had savings!!

  13. laffal0t

    laffal0t New commenter

    My son also did a 6 month tour in Afghanistan. He kept in touch via phone and email/blueys.
    The time passed fairly quickl.,.I have to admit.
    We tended to rely mainly on emails/blueys and his phone calls were used for his then girlfriend/fiance as at the time she was not accepted as his next of kin despite living together.
    He managed to talk to her fairly often and between the two of us contact was good and we kept each other up to date!
    Our now D i L did have a few other girlfriends and wives that she knew and was in contact with whch she found helpful... She also planned and organised thier wedding (sinlge handedly) while he was away!

    Lots of advice already been given.... Try not to worry too much!

  14. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Hi all,

    Thanks again for all the lovely replies. I have previously been through a tour with an ex boyfriend so understand the drill and things, but this one feels a bit worse. Guess I must love my current boyfriend a lot!

    I know we will talk lots, just could do with some people who understand to talk to so that I don't find myself moaning to him as that's the last thing I want to do! I also don't want to burden my other friends with it, as I don't want them to find that all I do is be miserable and them move away from spending time with me! I know it's OK to moan sometimes, but I don't want it to dominate my life! Does that make sense?

    Oh well, i'm sure once i'm back at school, it'll all whizz past! Specially with the Xmas production to contend with!
  15. Hi- only just seen this as I have been away with a girlfriend for a week. My DH is in the Navy and deployed to Iraq for 6 months this time last year. I can echo much of what has been said here, especially that he gains strength from knowing that I can cope with the children and the house and my job and everything else while he is away.
  16. gma

    gma New commenter

    http://www.rearparty.co.uk/ is a website for forces wives / girlfriends/ partners / parents. It may be worthwhile having a look.
  17. My son is in the forces and has already done 1 six month tour of Afghanistan. He has just been away for 2 months on exercises in preparation for going to Afghanistan in 2012.
    We all worry every time he goes away and we see a fatality on the news.
    You just have to hold it together and always be positive when you have contact with your fella.:)

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