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Anxiety and depression

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Rosieett, Sep 28, 2018.

  1. Rosieett

    Rosieett New commenter

    I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and have been given antidepressants and vallium. The anxiety isn't work related, but related to my very ill daughter. I've been off work with a doctor's certificate since the beginning of term. Friends say that I should try to go back to a bit of 'normaility' and return to work part time as a distraction. My husband says I'm in no fit state to return to work. My daughter completely fills my thoughts every moment of the day, so how can I focus on work even I return for a short time each week? My daughter is in school, but her illness means that I have to be on constant alert in case of any relapses in her condition. I'm haing counselling and have had suicidal thought - selfish I know, but I've been in so much pain worrying about my daughter, but know I have to be strong for her to support her through her illness. I don't know whether I can manage going back to school at all, but I loved my job and I do miss it, but will I be able to do it again, when I'm constantly worrying about my daughter. Thank you in advance.
  2. bluey9

    bluey9 New commenter

    Please look after yourself, the stress you are under is immense. Teaching is a job. Your daughter is what's important xx xx
  3. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter

    Hi Rosieett

    My first impression is to listen to your husband as he knows you and cares for you. Lean on your husband and let him help you.

    Right now, work isn't important - what is important is that you get your mind steady through counselling and taking one day at a time.

    None of knows the future - tomorrow is always going to be an unknown. It is blessing to only know one day at a time since we can do one day at a time.

    Keep in touch with your GP, your counsellor, the Samaritans, this site, your friends, family and all the people who will help you through this one day at a time.

    You can do it. One day at a time.
  4. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    Antidepressants often take 4 - 6 weeks to work, and counselling requires a similar length of time to start being effective.

    Some people find going to work is a distraction in this kind of situation and go in, but others don't and can't.

    Suicidal thoughts aren't a choice: they come unbidden.

    Your post suggests you are in no fit state to be in work, so you should stay at home. I'm sure your friends mean well and are only trying to help, but your family and GP are better placed to see what is best for you, so take on board what they are saying - and listen to your own instincts.

    I'm sorry your daughter is so unwell: it's really difficult to watch those we love suffer and feel there is nothing we can do to take their suffering away.
  5. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Your daughter, your health and your family must be your highest priorities right now. I know exactly how stressful this situation can be - my own daughter was very ill just about a year ago now. She was in hospital for over a month. I had just over half a term off (with a certificate for 'family stress) to be with her at the hospital every day - even though she is an adult, there is no way I could have coped with work. I just needed to be with her. You need to take care of yourself and do what is right for you now - it certainly wouldn't help your daughter's recovery if you became very poorly and she had to worry about you! So take all the time you need, take your GP's advice and use the counselling. Tell them exactly how you are feeling.

    School will continue without you for the time being. It's normal to feel guilty, but you shouldn't - no-one is indispensable and this is what schools have long-term sickness insurance for. For quite a few weeks, I thought I might never return to work. But, as my daughter gradually recovered, I began to feel differently. When she had been home from hospital for two weeks, I made an appointment with the Head Teacher (who was very supportive) and arranged a phased return, over a month, with weekly meetings with the Head to see how things were going. I was also allowed to take any days I needed to attend hospital appointments with my daughter. I think you will return to school eventually, but only you will know when the time is right.

    Sending a hug and very best wishes to you and your daughter x
  6. Robberto

    Robberto Occasional commenter

    Poor little you. You are in a bit of a victim mode.

    I know thats harsh, someone once said that to me when I was going through a hard time and I thought how unkind, bully. etc. But when I pulled through it (the hard time) i realised that the reality isn't what I found/find hard. It's my mindset. Some things trigger me to go into catastrophe mode/woe is me mode/victim mode, where I try and please other people.

    Your message struck a chord with me as I realised you talked about what everyone else wanted you to do, but no where in that message was YOU.

    Sit down, find some quiet time, without hubby, daughter, everything else. Take a long time, or periods of time. And just let things roll. You'll be surprised at what comes out when you give yourself some time. If you find it hard, ask yourself questions,

    - what would I like to happen
    - if I had a magic wand etc
    - what can I change, why?
    - what can't i? why?

    your answers don't need to be right/considerate of others...just YOURS. Then chat through on an equal level with partner and daughter once you decided what YOU want.

    Best wishes :)
  7. Rosieett

    Rosieett New commenter

    Thank you everyone for your posts. My daughter has a mental illness and I can't talk or reason with her at the moment. Of course I'd love things to be 'normal', but I can't pull it off. I'm in too much of a state. I just feel that I want to curl up and die, which of course I don't have the luxury of doing. I certainly don't feel I'll be able to give the children my full attention, as I often feel sick, cry and shake with nerves and anxiety. I've let myself go and feel as though I'm hanging on by a thread to try to support my daughter. My union rep said just send in sick notes but for how long I don't know? I've had 3 counselling sessions and only been on the antidepressants for nearly 2 weeks. I could take early retirement, but my union rep said I'm not in a fit state at the moment to make such an important decision.
    pepper5 likes this.
  8. sweetness_sweetness

    sweetness_sweetness New commenter

    Your union rep is right, you’re in no fit state to be making life changing decisions. Forget work! They’ll cope! Your daughter needs you and you need to look after number 1 which is your family. I really hope things start to improve but it takes time. It’s awful when you know there’s something wrong with your child, focus on making sure you’re there for her and getting yourself feeling better. Hugs x
    agathamorse likes this.
  9. RuthTom

    RuthTom Occasional commenter

    Could you take a sabbatical? Would they hold your job open for you? I hope things become more gentle for you soon.
  10. sunshineneeded

    sunshineneeded Star commenter

    Rosieett, don't try to think too far ahead at the moment. I had eight weeks off altogether with my daughter - long-term sickness. Where the school is concerned, it's not about your daughter - it's about you, and you are not well enough to be working now. Let your GP give you a certificate and take all the help and support you can get.
    When things were tough, my mum used to say 'Things will be different in three months.' And they will. Hopefully better. Don't feel pushed into anything by school; if needs be, you can be off for a couple of months and then think about further ahead. This is not the time to make long-term career decisions. What matters now is your daughter and that you stay as strong as you can for her. Take care xxx
    pepper5 and agathamorse like this.

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