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Another question on judging...

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by hhhh, Aug 23, 2011.

  1. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    A colleague of mine's had a baby last night, she lives right near the school unlike me, and shops and says she sees all the kids really often. She is worried about breastfeeding in public and the kids seeing her, but obvioulsy wants to go out in the nice weather. I personally told her to go for it, and if kids see her just explain that's how many mums feed and it all natural. I know you can get scarfs and covers, but I personally think any mum should feed how and where she wants, and not be ashamed whether breast or bottle feeding. As we said on the other thread, why should anyone judge the method or where you pick (who ws it was told to feed in toilets?)
    Obviously she's not used to feeding yet, it was an easy birth and she's home but just trying to chill at the moment, but she says breastfeedings going well and it's what she wants, so has anyone been in hre position, and what did you do? If your kids made a comment, or evne their parents, would you tell the school? None of my other friends lived in the exact same area they taught in (the schools in a very 'local' place) so wondering if any of you can give better advice.
    She is due to come back in about January.
  2. It is a difficult one, on one hand I think breastfeeding is normal and if a baby needs feeding, you should be able to feed anywhere- it is just a normal part of life. It is also really discrete so you don't see a lot.
    I live in the same area as I teach as well- special school so a big catchment, one student saw me feed but she didn't understand what I was doing anyway. I fed as normal- if I saw a group of students walking into town my way, I probably would have paused- if it wouldn't end in screaming!
    On the other hand, I think I would feel uncomfortable in front of students- but know that is silly. In reality, if a child sees her sitting on a park bench it might not even register what she is doing.
    So I do think she should go for it, and report any (if there is any) abuse she gets. It is her baby, her body and she has the right to do what she wants.
  3. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    I had a BF cover and even my brother, who is 28, didn't realise I was feeding my baby! I doubt kids from school would realise.
    If your friend's baby was born last night it's pretty impressive she's ready to be out and about already!
  4. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    YEp, at her stage with first baby after an ecs, I was struggling to walk 10 foot! She left straight after the birth, well actaully 3 hours!
    And apparently was at the shops today, though only Spar.
    Not as impressive as that super model who was baking cookies right after labour. You know the one who said mothers who didn't have natural births or didn't breastfeed should be 'against the law'. She later apologised... but anyway, getting off the thread.
  5. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    What sort of supermodel eats cookies?! As if! That was Gisele wasn't it?
    I was out of hospital 6 hours after my 2nd baby, but then spent the next 6 weeks pretty much constantly BF! If i wanted to go out i had to give formula which i was trying not to do (she screamed if i so much as stopped feeding her to use the loo) so i didn't go out all that much. I suppose if i'd formula fed from day 1 i'd have been out the next day.
  6. what people should be able to do and what they realistically can do are often two different things. i was living away from school when i gave birth, and taking my LO in to meet people i had to feed him and i actually drove 3 miles from the school, parked up somewhere really quiet, fed him in the back, then drove onto school showed him to people and then after that drove away again, found somewhere quiet and fed him on the back seat again. i didn't feel confident feeding him anywhere near school or in public places near there in case i was seen by parents. i really can understand how she feels. if she's out and about she could express or give some formula if really uncomfortable. i think it's more about feeling comfortable as a mother than any "should".
  7. I'd go for a scarf or similar but then go for it. When I took LO into school when he was tiny I needed to feed him in the staff room and felt it embarrassed some people but I felt that since the kids couldn't see it was fine and important to do my bit for estabishing it is normal to feed in public if you are happy and able. I also fed at church and a few of the kids go there too, I made an effort to be discreet with suitable clothes and muslins and felt people were fine and very supportive.

  8. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    When a few of us new mums (6 of us had kids at the same time at work with my first baby!) one fed in a staff meeting on an informal end of term thing, but to the best of my knowledge she never did in front of the kids, but as I say mot of us don't live right near the school, only the person I'm talking about.
    I don't think any of the staff minded, if they did they didn't say, if they had I would have told them that how people feed is up to them. As I said on the other thread it just annoys me that some people feel they have the right to say what oter people should do.
    I honestly don't know if our head would be supportive in a situation like this. Anyone known of a mother who has had problems and what did SLT do?

  9. When I took LO to school I didn't feel up to feeding in the staffroom so fed in a colleague's classroom- wasn't worried about children walking past as I don't think they even noticed. Didn't quite feel like feeding in front of male colleagues, although one of our colleagues did without batting an eyelid. I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding in front of parents but if I was in Starbuck's in town and they happened to be in there I think it'd be OK- took me a while to get the confidence to feel this way though.
  10. I went in when LO was 12 weeks - live 45 mins drive from school and felt I had to bf her in a toilet rather than face staff or kids... Looking back it was ridiculous and I'd take one of those scarf things next time. I'm sure most kids can handle it but I'm aware that some of the more immature kids wouldn't and I think seeing your teachers breasts might be a bit much for them. I do think as a professional you have to be mindful of that. I am all for bf-ing in public but it is a slightly different situation...
  11. No one ever saw my breasts when I fed! I had nursing t-shirts that kept it all under wraps.
  12. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    I do see what you're saying, and I know she can/express/use covers, but to me it still seems as if 'society' thinks breastfeeding mothers are somehow 'wrong'. Please let me repeat I am not saying anykind of feeding is right or worng, or that bottlefeeding mothers shouldn't do that-I'm not.
    Obvioulsy no one knows whther/how long she will want to keep breastfeeding, but I've heard from quite a few mums about older children just pulling their boob out and pulling off any cover scarf she wears! Mind you if she does it at that stage guess she will be more confident.
  13. I was totally unable to feed discretely, I did not seem to have enough hands. After faffing with a muslin for ages my mum told me I was actually drawing attention to myself so I gave up trying to cover up and just got on with it. However, I don't know why, but although I would feed in front of strangers, my family, my husbands family, friends... I just could not feed in front of my colleagues.

    I also have not yet returned to the restaurant where I forgot to put myself away after feeding and sat there for a while before I noticed.
  14. Sorry chull but that did make me laugh- I answered the door with my bra hanging out (not quite as bad, and luckily it was just my next door neighbour!) I do think that however natural bf is, you should be discreet about it; I have a couple of friends who just get their whole boob out and let it all hang out while getting baby ready- not necessary and it does make others feel uncomfortable.
  15. I took lo into school when she was about 6 weeks old and fed her in the maths office at lunchtime. We have a small shop in the office and there were kids coming in and out all the time I was feeding and not one of them noticed. I didn't have a scarf or a cover, I just made sure I was discreet with how I lifted my t shirt, etc. I also feed out and about in town where kids I teach go shopping, and again I don't think any pupil has ever noticed that's what I'm doing when they see me around.
  16. goonergirl2009

    goonergirl2009 New commenter

    I breastfed Charlotte for nine months but if I was in town, I would choose places to go where I was unlikely to bump into my students. I felt that both I, and my teenage students, would feel uncomfortable if we ran into each other. I didn't worry at if I was anywhere else!

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