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Amanda Holden

Discussion in 'Personal' started by fantastischfish, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. Well. nutella. I think of myself as level headed and not easily led, but show me a sleb and there I am, watching for cellulite, examining outfits and wondering: "has she had work done?". I shake my head at their marital woes and mourn their losses.
    I often wonder why i do this. Let's think back to the last week. What was my adult conversation out apart from me and the neanderthal chatting/ Hmmmmm...had a chat with my dad, who was very animated about his gout. Discussed fuel ecomony over a cuppa at work. Pretended to my mum that I was back on a diet. Grunted briefly to another person on playground duty. Slebs are easy for the time pressed harried person. I can tune in and out when I have time. I can criticise without falling out. I can measure myself against them and engage without effort. A bit like a blow up doll, I guess.
     
  2. There are some horrible posts on this thread.
    I never cry or get affected by news, for whatever reason - but the closest I have come to tears from a news story has been from Lily Allen and Amanda Holden's stories - particularly Amanda's. Perhaps its because I know the feeling of going into a second pregnancy after losing one, thinking lightning won't strike you again and then being zapped back into place by a thunderbolt in the cruellest way possible. That's an incredibly cruel joke of nature - and to have that hit you again, when you think you're out of the riskiest part of it all (hell I did almost daily pregnancy tests to try to make sure mine was still there with the second pregnancy... turned they had died - another cruel joke in my case) and when you've actually opened up to the world and tried to convey some of the utterly utterly dark place the first miscarriage had taken you to - it must be a hundred times worse.
    Then if you're a media figure you've got the resident idiots crowing and offering illinformed advice about your age and whatever else and in some way implying you asked for this to hit you again.
    Yeah I feel for her very very deeply. Pregnancy loss is utterly blooming evil and you feel like you're victim of an incredibly cruel joke - so you thought you were going to be a mother... well hah hah look at you now you little fraud looking at buggies and imagining first day at school with shiny white socks and little patent leather shoes! You really do feel like you've been a fool, somehow playing at the idea of being a mummy - and because there's no person the rest of the world have got to know out in the air... some ignorant fools think you don't have any right to grieve... and that's just coming from my losses which are quite early on in pregnancy - let alone carrying a baby for 7 months before losing it.
    Also - lots of people are probably empathising because losing a pregnancy is incredibly common (1 in 4 ish). It's also not very talked about so I wouldn't be surprised if lots of the people empathising are doing so from a position of having been there themselves - not some kind of grief voyeurism it's being fobbed off as. Apparently I appear to be in the position of doing lots of the 1 in 4s so other people don't have to though.
    Plus - my first lost little one would have been due last month - so yes, the timing makes it especially poignant.
     
  3. Paradoxicalgirly

    Paradoxicalgirly New commenter

    The term 'closet bereavements' is deeply insensitive and offensive as it suggests that baby loss is something to be ashamed of and not talked about. It is precisely that type of attitude which has caused great distress and mental health problems to women who have suffered baby loss over the years.
    I also think it's a cheap shot, and again deeply insensitive, to imply that her age might be an issue. Perhaps this is because I am an 'old mum to be' who has suffered losses and been subject to such ill-informed opinion as to why I should expect to suffer these losses, when my losses have nothing to do with my age - I could bore you with the details of my egg reserve and quality and levels of fertility hormones, but I shan't.
    I think it's a sad state of affairs when people are castigated for demonstrating natural empathy to a fellow human being for the loss of a baby, whether that fellow human being be in the public eye, a close friend or the friend of a friend of a friend.
     
  4. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I agree. Amanda (or anyone really) is a person first, with feelings, and the loss of a baby is devastating as is the loss of a child at any age. We simply do not expect our offspring nto pre-decease us, least of all to be still-born.
    Heartbreaking news.
     
  5. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    This does no more than support the view I have expressed.
     
  6. I agree.
    Nutella - I disagree that this is an 'hysterical' thread. At the risk of seeming 'hysterical' :-/ I think you're being pretty mean-spirited.

    If Huevos' opinion actually mattered, I might comment on it. But it doesn't so... bleh.
     
  7. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    It is your right to think what you like,coffeekid. As I have already said, I think miscarriage and stillbirth are universally tragic and very hard to bear. I am not suggesting that the grief expressed by posters for their own losses is hysterical. What I was trying to say is that I feel that to hang all this emotion on a person who appears on televison is sensationalist. Look back at the first post on the thread. If that does not smack of hysteria, I don't know what does. I regret that you find me mean spirited.
     
  8. I don't find you mean-spirited nutella, but I sometimes think it would be nice if posters, for whatever reason, especially on Personal, could show some empathy or sympathy without being labelled hysterical.
    I'm not exactly the type who would've laid teddies and flowers and cried when Princess Diana died, but I think for anyone to lose a baby at such a late stage in the pregnancy is sad, and I don't think I should feel ashamed in some way for contributing to a thread about it. Maybe if the thread hadn't originally been about someone who obviously loves publicity (Amanda) it would've been deemed ok.

    I dunno.

     
  9. Twas your comment.
     
  10. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Not hysterical. Just an understandable reaction to a desperately sad situation.
     
  11. Very sad and tragic.
    I agree but in terms of the 'choosing to have them late' debate, for most people I know, it hasn't been a choice, they've simply been single and had to wait until they found the man! I'll be 35 this year and no man on the horizon so if I ever do have children, I'll be in the 'late' crowd but not through choice!
    Anyway, sorry fo going off topic there.
     
  12. I'm sorry...but why are you all getting so upset about somebody you don't even know? And before you accuse me of being heartless, I had a "non-viable' pregnancy that lasted 3-4 months, and it was a sad loss for me. But i certainly wouldn't expect a lot of random strangers to start up a sympathy thread for me. There is too much obsession in our culture about what is happening to celebrities and not enough concern about what is happening elsewhere. How many living babies/children are dying in poor countries every day? Are you all adopting World Vision children to help save a living child? Instead of 'awfulizing' about a celebrity? Is it not telling that when Princess Di died it was front page news, and when Mother Theresa (who'd done a helluva lot more) died in the same week, it was relegated to a tiny column on page five?
     
  13. I can only speak for myself, but I don't think it's the fact it's a 'celebrity' who's lost a baby that people are 'getting upset' over.
    It's a horrible thing to happen to anyone. I'm not 'upset' - but I imagine what it must be like, and I'm glad it didn't happen to me, and I feel sympathy..
    The general tone of the thread appears (IMO) to be one of general sympathy for anyone who's lost a child in those circumstances. Seven months pregnant, you think you're home and dry, then...

    It makes me shudder.
     
  14. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    Who?
     
  15. Of course It's the fact it's a celebrity! If I started a thread saying my mum's cousin's husband's wife's neighbour has just lost a baby, do you honestly think anybody is really going to care?
     
  16. I'm with you on that one too...that was my initial reaction, until i googled it........
     
  17. I would care, if it was similar circumstances.

    As I say - seven months along, you think you're home and dry, then your baby dies. You have to go through the delivery, knowing the baby is dead.

    I would feel sympathy for anyone in the position.
     
  18. People often post threads on here about losing loved ones and receive sympathetic/empathetic responses.
    I think it's good that people are talking about it - losing a baby after 12 weeks seems to be a taboo subject, everyone seems to think, like CK said, that you're home and dry after 12 weeks and don't know how to deal with a late loss like this.
     
  19. Losing loved ones? We're talking about someone that nobody here actually knows personally. It's celebrity awfulizing in full action. I lost what I believed was going to be my baby about 12-14 weeks into what i believed was my preganacy...and as I said before...would not expect sympathy from a bunch of random strangers when there is so many other deaths and disasters happening in the world every day........
     
  20. Sending my heartfelt sympathy to Amanda, and to anyone else who has lost a baby x
     

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