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Am I the right person?

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by pddavies87, Sep 11, 2018.

  1. pddavies87

    pddavies87 New commenter

    Hey everyone.

    I'm currently working 1.1 with an ADHD boy who is very defiant, shouts, shoved, throws things, and hits me.

    I'm going home most days crying on my car. I'm thinking of going back to my previous agency which was ace. I understand it takes time to get use to each other but at this point I'm dreading going in to work. Does this make me a bad person?
  2. peakster

    peakster Star commenter

    No - you're not the right person.

    Don't go again - personal abuse and assault is not acceptable.
    bonxie, agathamorse, drvs and 4 others like this.
  3. LeftTheBuilding

    LeftTheBuilding Occasional commenter

    Where are SLT? Where's the support for you in school? It takes more than one person to educate a child.
  4. susanrk

    susanrk Occasional commenter

    What do the school's behaviour and exclusion policy say?
    pepper5 likes this.
  5. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    Make sure you keep a detailed log of every incident.
    agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  6. pddavies87

    pddavies87 New commenter

    Bless them the teachers in my class have helped me. But I still feel like I'm doing it all wrong and it's the child who is suffering
    agathamorse likes this.
  7. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Sounds like a number of assaults. .so SLT first and then the police, if necessary.

    PS Are you in a Union If not, join one....
    bonxie, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  8. pddavies87

    pddavies87 New commenter

    I'm not in a union and police? He is only 7 lol
  9. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    A bad person? Categorically not!

    Probably just highly inexperienced.

    I can think of lots of ways of dealing with a kid like this but I'd need to see him first. One of the things I'd be looking at is his sensory needs. He might be (I am hugely simplifying this but bear with...) that he reacts badly to stimulation. You may be talking too much for him or it could be the room itself. There are a million things that could be driving him crazy. He's overwhelmed. Or the exact opposite. There's just not enough going on and he's manufacturing noise and activity.

    It's a job for someone with a lot of training and experience. Is that you?

    Even so. You're not a bad person. Nor at all. What help are you getting?
  10. Bedlam3

    Bedlam3 Star commenter

    No, not a bad person. You can't carry on if it is making you cry most days. You need to plan your exit.
    agathamorse likes this.
  11. pddavies87

    pddavies87 New commenter

    My youngest is awaiting an autism assessment so I'm use to some behaviours. The teachers help if they see me struggle
  12. hs9981

    hs9981 Lead commenter


    ^ These work wonders!
  13. MrMedia

    MrMedia Star commenter

    ADHD? 1-1? I imagine you are battling against a long line of failed teachers that have been there before.

    My only advice would be Einstein - if you are doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome you’ve got it wrong. Try something quite different. Do some reading from journals to see what others do.
  14. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    One word of warning.

    People are very inclined to see kids with autism as some kind of homogeneous group. As if the label tells you all you need to know.

    In my 13 years in Special schools I am here to tell you that every autistic kid is as different from every other kid (autistic or not) as you and I are different from each other.

    The fact this boy has an autistic diagnosis isn't much help really. It can give you some pointers. But you have to get to know him as an individual.

    Don't tell him what to do. Give him options. How about we do this or this?

    Also 1 to 1 is quite an imposition on any child. Quite suffocating actually. I don't really like it as a way of supporting a child. Especially an autistic child. Hideously burdensome as an intense relationship plus it entrenches some behaviours you absolutely,do not want to encourage. Such as rigidity and resistance to perfectly natural change and variation.

    My last word? Don't crowd him and try to be as relaxed as you can.
  15. koopatroopa

    koopatroopa Senior commenter


    Have you spoken to his family about what works for him?
    Bumptious, pepper5 and agathamorse like this.
  16. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    You're not in a Union? :eek: Why on earth not?o_O

    Children of that age cannot be persecuted... but action can still be taken to force the school to ensure your safety.

    If you aren't in a Union you are asking for trouble...
    MarieAnn18, pepper5 and agathamorse like this.
  17. koopatroopa

    koopatroopa Senior commenter

    Of any age, one would hope!
    Bumptious likes this.
  18. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Over the age of 10 they can be prosecuted in the UK (12 now in Scotland).
    MarieAnn18, agathamorse and pepper5 like this.
  19. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    I agree with GDW. Having spent 20 years working in SEN, as a SENCo, behaviour advisory teacher, ASD teacher, I can tell you that I regularly felt out of my depth and I was run a merry dance by a five year old Reception child, who chose not to follow any expectations in school. With all that experience, it was rare that any of my strategies worked. So don’t feel that you are failing, you’re dealing with a very difficult and intense situation and I also agree with GDW that 1-1 for a child like that may be too intense. What did the school do before you worked with him?

    Have you had training? Could you ask for it?

    Believe me, I understand exactly how you feel. I’ve been there and had the bruises and tongue lashings to show for it. It sounds as though you are having some support from the staff, which is a positive. I would consider the sensory overload angle too. Early years classrooms are usually bright and colourful and quite noisy sometimes. Maybe there needs to be a designated quiet area or a sensory room. If you’re working 1-1 with him, I’m guessing he has an EHCP. There are other ways of working than you being attached to him full time.

    Don’t feel that you are failing- either him, or you. This child is a shared responsibility, not just yours and I think the school as a whole should be working with you to devise a plan for his support and to see what outside help is available. Working with his family is a good strategy too.

    I don’t think that reporting to the police is the way to go, but I do think that harnessing as much support and training as you can, will help. Help from teachers and SLT, a clear strategy that everyone knows, advice from his family and experts, training and less of a helicopter approach. You’re doing a very difficult job and I bet the school want to keep you. I would suggest that you do need to join a union though, because everyone should.
  20. MrMedia

    MrMedia Star commenter

    I think the kid has gone from adhd to autism in just a few posts! Poor kid.

    It sounds to me like the kid has ACE in the background. There are approaches for this based on recognising when they are receptive to learning and when not. Much of it is about making the environment safe for them, in their opinion (they are on a hair trigger for fight of flight when they perceive the environment as not safe, even if it is safe).

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