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Am I being a bad friend?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by impulce, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. My best friend is getting married this year, and has become a bit of a bridezilla expecting everyone to jump for anything to do with the wedding.
    Just been on the hen do (Part 2! She wanted so much we had to split it into two parts!) which was a weekend away in Manchester with a night out on the tiles - all of which I organised, and spent a good chunk of money on (including the hotel room for both her and I, petrol for driving her up and back, contributing to her meal etc). We had a good night, but it was punctuated by her drunkenly rambling about us doing "Whatever the hell everyone else wants to do, who cares?" because there was a mixture of people...even though we were all happy to do whatever she wanted, and she refused to state where SHE wanted to go anyway!
    On the Sunday morning I began to feel quite poorly. It wasnt alcohol related - I stayed sober to look after everyone, and forced myself to stay awake until 4am when they decided they had had enough and finaly wanted to come back to the hotel room!. At about 10am (Having been awake with stomach pain since 6!) I asked if her if we could make a move sooner rather than later - 4 hours later and we were still hanging around the hotel waiting to say bye to everyone. Her sister then suggested we go to the local macdonalds for lunch, and when I suggested we drive through so that we could get home as I was feeling quite poorly, I was ignored. I arrived home feeling a little upset and miffed that despite putting so much effort into the weekend, she hadn't even given me a thought that morning. I then had about an hour to prepare for teaching this week and relax with my partner before falling into bed in a sleepy poorly heap, and had to ring in sick yesterday.
    She seems to be in the frame of mind that because she is getting married this year, the world must revolve around her.
    During the macdonalds she "told me" that the day before the wedding, I am going to the spa her sister works at, having a massage (That I will no doubt be forking even more out for) and staying over at her parents house with her, her sisters and her brother (they have quite a large family) so that we are all together for the day before and during the day of the wedding. It means i'll be away from my home and my partner for two whole days. It sounds daft, but I am such a homebird who is used to my own company and actually start to feel down and miserable when away from home for a night. I asked her if she would mind me staying quite late, then going home to sleep (its only a 30 minute drive) and returning early in the morning so that I was well rested for the wedding and she did the whole "Well its up to you but it would be nice to be together" thing with a strop.
    Am I being completely unreasonable to not want to stay over the night before the wedding? I love her to bits (before bridezilla struck!) and want to do everything I can to make it the happiest day of her life, but I do not particularly enjoy her families company and I never relax around them - and do not want to be tired, fed up and missing my own partner/home comforts during her wedding day. I would like just a little bit of down-time to take a breather before the day, and am quite cross that she is 'telling' me what we are doing and not asking. I may be a bridesmaid but I am not her flippin' slave!
    I just wanted a rant...and of course, any opinions on whether not I am being a complete cowbag!
  2. How much has this cost you? New clothes,a gift,nights out ,hotels,massage...it's ridiculous.
  3. Can't believe anyone is in support of this spoilt brat! She sounds an utter nightmare to me. Do what you feel comfortable doing. She seems to have lost her grip on reality to me!
  4. Cervinia

    Cervinia Occasional commenter

    Agreed. She just sounds selfish and inconsiderate to me.
  5. Dragonlady30

    Dragonlady30 Star commenter

    I wonder if the bride is giving as much thought to her marriage as she's giving to the wedding?
  6. Ooh..its interesting how opinions differ!!
    If it were just staying over at her house, with her, that would be different because im comfortable there..but its at the family home with all of her brothers and sisters and little old me on a sofa so id rather just pop home for the sleeping part, its not as if I am refusing to have anything to do with it.
    Anyway, to update you - she has replied and actually been very understanding, so I feel a little bad for assuming she would be grumpy about it! She might be cross inside but has said its completely up to me and she was sorry she had just assumed. So I think we have hit a compromise and her bridezillaness has perhaps calmed a little since the weekend!
  7. Good for her! And good for you for being stong!
  8. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    You said it! Sorry, only skim read the majority of posts, but did read the OP properly - this woman is a PITA just now . . . . I'd be immigrating.
  9. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    People get ccrazy when it comes to weddings. That's why we kept our wedding plans secret; we didn't want people interfering AND we didn't want to cause mayhem and ridiculous expense having both shelled out a fortune to attend friends' weddings and the various shenanigans that go along with (hen night, presents, outfits, hotel, taxis etc)
    Personally, I'd want myy friend to feel comfortable. If you politely say that you will stay with her on the evening before the wedding, then stay at home and return the next day, I can't see how she can object. You are doing an awful lot for her, the least she can do is respect your wishes.
  10. thequillguy

    thequillguy New commenter

    What an insight! As has been said elsewhere, best of luck to the husband. And if you can't tell her that you want to stay elsewhere, then it's not much of a friendship. Still, marriage is like betting half your money that you'll love someone your entire life. At least the odds are 50/50!
  11. GeeMarie

    GeeMarie New commenter

    I've never understood the bridezilla thing. Yes you want the day to go perfectly and hope people will help you. But if you're unpleasant about it people will be less inclined to do so.

    I'm getting married this year; I have had so much support from my friends and family it is amazing. I had to politely ask my bridesmaids to contribute to costs of their dresses, and they were perfectly happy to. I've asked where people will be the night before, so I knwo how to make plans- I'm not insisting anyone does anyting they want to do. Yes, it's an amazing day and hopefully the only time it'll happen (that's certainly my intention!) so I want everything to be just right. But equally it's only one day, the bit that comes afterwards is more important.
    I am also bloody sick of everyone telling me it's all about me as I'm the bride. Not it isn't. I hate that mind-frame. He's getting married too! Why shouldn't he like what he's wearing and how the place is decorated? Or have a say in where we get married? OK so the final decisions will be mine- he's more laid back than me and happy to go with it- but he'll firmly tell me what he does and does not want, and I will respect that.
    People who insist that everyone should do what the bride wants as it's 'her day' are fine if that's how they like to play it. But if any of my friends started demanding things of me just because they're getting married I'd politely tell them to push off. One day in a whole year- sorry, but we all have other things going on too. People lose their perspective, and it's maddening!
  12. Ruthie66

    Ruthie66 New commenter

    I'd suggest Gee Marie that your marriage has a better chance of working out than some (most?!) of the bridezillas'

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