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alone for Christmas

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by catia2, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. Hi,
    Will anybody else be spending the festive period alone? I can't help but feel really sad about it and it's making me dread the holidays (must be mad lol.)
    I've had a really hard year and spending christmas on my own just seems to make it all seem worse, I think I will struggle to not dwell on things and feel very lonely and unhappy.
    will anybody else be alone? and what tips can we share?
  2. Hi,
    Will anybody else be spending the festive period alone? I can't help but feel really sad about it and it's making me dread the holidays (must be mad lol.)
    I've had a really hard year and spending christmas on my own just seems to make it all seem worse, I think I will struggle to not dwell on things and feel very lonely and unhappy.
    will anybody else be alone? and what tips can we share?
  3. lilykitty

    lilykitty New commenter

    I'll be on my own for most of Christmas (not for the first time) and my approach is to make it special for me. I get the food that I like, save up some books to read, make sure I've got things to watch on tv or DVD and see it as a restful and rejuvinating time.
    So much misery is caused by comparing ourselves and our lives with perfect media images, and I don't want to wait until it's too late to celebrate what I have right now rather than wonder why my life isn't like an episode of 'Friends' or an 'Iceland' advert.
    After a tricky year, I am in good health, I have a nice home that I can afford to heat, I can afford to buy myself a couple of treats and I have some good things to look forward to for the coming year. So I might be alone at Christmas, but I still have a lot to celebrate and that's what I'll be trying to focus on. Doesn't mean I won't feel lonely at some point, but that's not the end of the world.
  4. I've done this and agree it's easy to feel a bit vulnerable and melancholic about the situation, no matter how many blessings you can count. Plan as many nice things as you can to fill the day - cook a special meal, pamper yourself with a nice bath, buy a new film to watch etc. If you're going to be alone for a quite a few days, how about trying to meet up with others - offer to walk dogs at the dogs' home, visit old people who won't be seeing anyone, join a walking group - whatever you're interested in.
  5. If you don't want to be alone there is an alternative. You could volunteer to help at a charity that provides Christmas lunch for pensioners and others who would be alone. They always need lots of helpers, including drivers to bring the people to and from the venue. You local council for voluntary service should have an idea of the venues in your area who are providing Christmas lunch (usually held in a church hall or similar).
    That way you get to do something worthwhile, get your lunch in the company of others and usually come away feeling that you have a lot to be grateful for. Highly recommended!
  6. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Yes, I'm alone for Christmas. I'm going away this year as Christmas eve is on a saturday: I doubt I'll be able to next year when it falls on a weekday.

    It's just another day really but as I don't have to be at work until Tuesday i might as well take advantage of the fact.#
    I may well volunteer at our local homeless centre next year - it will be a bit like being at work though. If my company ever brings in Christmas Day working I shall volunteer for it.
  7. kittylion

    kittylion Senior commenter

    Don't be cross with me Catia but I seriously feel envious. I always end up having to spend Christmas with extended family and I just find it exhausting and depressing and I sometimes daydream about what I would do if I could just do what I wanted over the festive period. I often go back to work in the New Year feeling more jaded and don't feel I get a proper break until Feb half term or even Easter.
    I think the poster's suggestions about books and dvds are really good - I would record a lot of Christmas TV - I have to anyway as we never seem to get chance to watch it, or if we do someone wants to watch some other cr**p or I have to go and cook stuff or wash stuff up.
    Draw the curtains, pour yourself some egg nog or something, put your feet up, light a festive scented candle, have a purring cat on your knee and watch some TV with a book on your knee for when the adverts come on - bliss!
  8. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    I wish I could take the mature and wholly rational view that some posters are taking, and see Christmas-time alone as a wonderful chance to please yourself, enjoy some peace and quiet, and perhaps even volunteer to help the needy.
    But unfortunately - and probably to my own detriment - I just can't picture a Christmas Day alone without any family or friends.
    Don't get me wrong, I love my own company and enjoy time spent on my own. And often by the end of Christmas day, I'm happy to be able to drive away to my own home and relax after a long day being happy and jolly and tolerating the annoying habits of the extended family. However, I love the hubbub of preparing the Christmas dinner and the enjoyment of greeting family as they arrive and wishing each other happy Christmas.
    I often wonder who these people are who will allow a friend, colleague or family member to spend Christmas alone, without so much and extending them an invite for lunch. After all, what's one more person? Get the emergency chairs out and squish everyone along the table a bit - there's always room for one more. Just shove an extra couple of potatoes and carrots in the pan, there's always plenty of turkey....I just don't know how people can honestly not include someone who is faced with spending Christmas alone.
    Sorry, I don't mean to bring anyone down! I'm sure that others' approach to the day is much more helpful than mine.
    I hope you enjoy your day, whatever you choose to do.
    Eva x x x
  9. no one knows.
    and yes, if you do tell people that you are spending christmas alone you get in return a look of pity, I would like to spend christmas with people because they love me and I them, not because they feel sorry for me, thanks.
    and people misunderstand just as people on this thread have (sorry) it's not just christmas day itself, it's the entire festive period, the whole two weeks I'm talking about, closing the curtains and lighting candles gets a bit old if you do it for fourteen days lol.
  10. Catia the days will come and the days will go. I am facing one of the toughest Christmases of my life, for various reasons. But I know this much - the days will come, and the days will go. If you have freeview telly there will be things on there which you can plan to watch. If you have catch-up TV you can watch whole series of things. Sorry I can't go back to your original post but why is it that you are going to be on your own for the whole two weeks? Christmas day itself is just another day, no longer, no shorter. Is there a reason why two weeks at Christmas is worse than two weeks at Easter (admittedly you can probably get out more and there is less false jollity on the telly). Comfort yourself if you can with the thought that some people who are spending Christmas with family are due to have a very hard time as well - it is not all it is cracked up to be, sometimes.
  11. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    So how it happened that you're faced with a full two weeks alone? It is because of distance from family and friends?
    I just don't understand why it happens though. Surely when chatting with family, the question comes up, "What are you doing for Christmas?", "Errm, I'm not too sure to be honest, I don't have any plans so I really don't know", "Well you know you're always welcome with us, would you like to spend the day with us?", "Oh thanks, that would be lovely, can I bring anything with me?" and so on...
    I know that distance etc might make it tricky to see people throughout the whole 2 weeks, but for Christmas day, there's no excuse for anyone to be on their own who doesn't wish to be....family anf friends should be less ignorant. xxx
  12. Why?

    Have you deliberately not told people as you don't want their pity? If so, I totally understand that but there is no reason to be totally alone over this period. Some other posters have mentioned volunteering - that's what I'm doing although I will still friends and family over the period. I didn't want my christmas to be part of someone else's so made a conscious choice to go and volunteer on Christmas and Boxing day.

    There are homeless charities (that's what I'm doing) animal charities, elderly people's charities, churches and even food banks who need help not just for the festive period but all year round. I would say volunteer and then keep it going in the new year to build up a social network.

    After a totally cr@ppy year myself I think the best things I can do is help others so I realise how lucky I really am. Wallowing in my own misery isn't an option - I won't allow it.

    I have decided to have a proper christmas for me and the dogs though and we will have a christmas dinner - probably christmas eve - as I think I deserve it and why not? I can celebrate by myself if I want to. You don't need loads of people (who generally tick you off over the rest of the year anyway) to have a nice time.

    I think for those who HAVE to have Christmas with the "perfect cereal box family" lifestyle then that's fine but it IS only a couple of days and to make it more than this is silly.
    Let us know what you decide to do - and don't forget you can always post on TES - I bet lots of people will be doing so! x

  13. I'm really not wallowing in my own misery, the only reason it's worse at christmas than at easter is easter is less centered around family and as most of my friends have young children they don't have time during christmas, I'm sure if I said I was spending the day itself on my own people would invite me over but to be honest I'd feel very awkward at impeding on their day with their families also it's one day out of quite a lot of days.
    Also over christmas there tends to be quite a long period where everything is shut which doesn't happen so much over easter. and also the weather is much better so quite a few reasons really!
    and while I know not everyone is out partying and so on there is definitely more pressure at christmas/new year than at any other time. It's just different, if I can put it that way.
    the problem is I don't have a family who I can go to over the holidays. Since I am single and live on my own i suppose it's no different to other holidays or weekends but actually it is for all the reasons listed above.
    jrtowner, my reasons are the same as yours really: just don't want to be part of someone else's day and people do pity you and see you as a lonely sad person lol. I don't see myself like that, I don't want other people to either.
  14. Come and see me then! I cook a great veggie Christmas dinner!
  15. JR and anyone else welcome also, I don't know where anyone is but I mean it.
  16. thank you but it isn't just christmas day like i say but thank you for the replies.
  17. well wouldn't just Christmas day be a start? Obviously not...
  18. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Sorry, everything you've said about the period on your own extending for two weeks is quite possible to address, but you seem disinclined to do so.
    The official break finishes on the 28th - I'm back at work then and so are most people who aren't teachers. Then there is only Jan 2nd that's a BH. There's no reason or excuse to be holed up in your house moping. There are plenty of things you could get out and do.

    Eva: in answer to your question my sister told me I might as well go away for Christmas "It's not as if you've got anywhere else to go". TBH I'd rather be on my own. A colleague did invite me for Christmas lunch.
  19. Why don't you make a timetable of things to do for the various days so that you can ignore the fact that it's Christmas, to some extent anyway.
    You could do a few touristy trips to museums and stuff and then over the actual holiday decorate the bathroom. Spring clean early or get some 'learn a language' cds and then cook the food from that country as well. I got learn french for £10 in W.H.Smiths a month or so ago. Knit a jumper, rejig your wardrobe or make a rug.
    I there anything you've always wanted to do or be?
  20. bnm


    Do you have a little money?
    One year I spent 3-4 nights (inc Christmas day itself) at a Youth Hostel. I still spent a fair bit of that time on my own, but had meals cooked for me and ate with others who also weren't at home for one reason or another.

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