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All advice welcome please!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Over_the_hill, Sep 15, 2018.

  1. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    This weekend I am busy packing as Son 1 is off to University later this week. It’s a long way away and he says he’s not coming home until Christmas. I asked if I could chat to him once a day to check he’s OK and he said he thought once a week was ‘more reasonable’ and could I not turn up unannounced to visit in case he’s ‘busy’. He broke up with his girlfriend yesterday and I think he’s planning on enjoying student life to the full. Anyway my question is, what should I be packing for him? Any tips? He can’t cook (despite my attempts to teach him) so is in catered halls (but he’s already packed the sandwich toaster for post-pub snacks). What else should he take?
  2. blueskydreaming

    blueskydreaming Lead commenter

    He should be doing his own packing! :D
  3. FollyFairy

    FollyFairy Occasional commenter

    I agree - he should be doing his own packing! No-one packed for me when I went to uni! And if he does his own packing, he may have to contact you for what he forgets! My other advice is, respect his boundaries, I would have hated it if my mother suddenly appeared unannounced!
    curl88, pepper5, Dragonlady30 and 8 others like this.
  4. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    Quite agree!!! I’ve been trying to wake him up to do it (currently in bed with a hangover!). Lazy so and so.
    pepper5 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  5. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    Re the unannounced visit, I had said could I visit during half term, so he knew I was meaning a month away!
    pepper5 and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  6. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Let him go!

    If he ends up eating cheese sandwiches for a week then he'll soon learn.

    Time to learn from his mistakes. He won't starve. He won't end up sleeping in a bus shelter.

    If he wants you then he knows where to find you. Wave him off with a huge smile and give him a chance to miss you. Don't cramp his style!
  7. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    See if you can get from Amazon or eBay (or elsewhere) a copy of "Super Pig" - a 1976 best-selling comedy book written and illustrated by Willie Rushton. In the book, Rushton presents, with humour, a "gentleman's guide to everyday survival" and I wish the book had been published a few years earlier when I was at uni.


    Regarding unannounced visits - don't. Arrange visits with him beforehand so he can tidy his room, etc.

    My parents made an unannounced visit when I had started my first job. They turned up unexpectedly one Sunday morning while I was out for a bike ride. They rang the doorbell and my house-share friends leaned out of an upstairs window and said "Yes?"

    "Excuse me," said my mother, "Does Nomad live here?"

    "Yeah," came the reply, "Just leave him on the doorstep!"
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2018
  8. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter


    One thing I would give him.

    A lot of condoms. And an instruction not to get anyone knocked up and not to get an STI. And no brushing you off and telling you to shut up.

    It's probably the biggest danger he faces. Apart from drugs and alcohol and you'll just have to trust him on those. But give him the condoms.
  9. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    Ok thanks. I’m not as needy as I probably sound. It’s just his mess is everywhere and from a purely selfish point of view (and my sanity) I want his **** sorted so I know what he needs to take, and that what’s left behind is tidy!
    grumpydogwoman, smoothnewt and nomad like this.
  10. BertieBassett2

    BertieBassett2 Star commenter

    Without sounding harsh, it's very telling that his chosen university is 'a long way away'! I agree with the other posters - let him get on with it! Don't pack for him - or even remind him to do it - he's old enough to fend for himself. He's in for a sharp learning curve, which will be all the more effective without parental interference. He's about to embark on possibly the best years of his life!
  11. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    Ps need I say I’ve had a very hard couple of years as you can probably tell.
  12. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    You are all right, I will let him do it all. Thank you for the good talking to. :) Off to sit in the sun with my book and a wine. X
  13. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    I agree with others, let hm organise himself and point out that anything left behind will be stored in a box/case / his room until he returns. That means you can 'reclaim' your home for yourself.
  14. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Don't students in halls these days have a room all to themselves, an en suite bathroom, dedicated cleaning staff, wi-fi on tap and a personal valet? If the valet's not happy with what he's packed he'll be straight off to Debenhams to fill the gaps.

    Pour yourself a large gin, sit back, put Tipping Point on and don't worry about it.

    Doing the hall tours when our youngest was choosing a Uni I had to bite my cheeks and suppress loud mocking laughter as the student ambassadors described the luxuries on offer, and anxious Mums enquired about the facilities in the en suite. All very different to my self-catering council tower block flat shared with three complete strangers at a late 1970s provincial Poly. :)
  15. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    He hasn’t got an ensuite, just a sink and a bathroom down the corridor (no doubt the sink will come in handy). Also, he didn’t choose a Uni far away, it’s just where he could get into after pissing it up for the whole of his Sixth Form.
    nomad and magic surf bus like this.
  16. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    My thoughts exactly.
  17. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    Sorry. See this is why it’s good to hear other people’s points of view. The fact that I’m even thinking of helping him pack is probably the reason why I’ve created such a lazy oaf (currently still in bed). Either that or I’m trying to hasten his departure.
  18. Jolly_Roger15

    Jolly_Roger15 Star commenter

    Perhaps you could make a bit of a joke of it, telling him some of your experiences when you moved to go to Uni. I moved up to my allotted Hall of Residence Annex (read: top floor of a decrepit building in Gower Street) with what I could get on the back of a motorbike. When I got there, I found that there was nowhere to put the bike!
    1 person likes this.
  19. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    I remember making sure the washing was up to date and piled it up outside son’s room so it was ready to pack. I sorted a very few basic cooking items and crockery. He soon found out what he needed and what he’d forgotten and was more organised next time.

    As far as contacting him goes. A once a week Sunday phone call should suffice with reminders to call in between if he ever wants a chat. That will usually be for money reasons. In my day you had to queue up for a pay phone so there was no continuous checking in. I’ve heard mums in the staff room talk about offspring texting and messaging at all hours. It sounds as though it just upsets everyone more. Give him the chance to become independent. Maybe save your half term visit till next term.
  20. Over_the_hill

    Over_the_hill Star commenter

    nomad likes this.

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