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Affairs in school

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by DisgruntledTA, Jul 26, 2020.

  1. DisgruntledTA

    DisgruntledTA New commenter

    How would you deal with an affair between an ALNCO and a TA?? Both married but there is evidence of their affair with conversations also been heard between them. Now she is a senior member of staff and a governor also. Is this misconduct? Would you report it?
  2. Morninglover

    Morninglover Star commenter

    'Evidence'? Sounds like tittle-tattle.

    Assuming they are not caught 'in flagrante delicto' in a stationery cupboard, it's no-one's business. (But the ALNCO should absent them self from PM etc as regards their lover).
    Piranha, agathamorse, Flanks and 4 others like this.

    ACOYEAR8 Star commenter

    I would keep as far away from this as possible. Alice Springs has schools.
    Oss54, Piranha, agathamorse and 3 others like this.
  4. DisgruntledTA

    DisgruntledTA New commenter

    it’s not tittle tattle at all. Both are married with families and it’s those I feel sorry for. They spend more time on their phones or finding a reason to have meetings because of her role as the ALNCO
  5. DisgruntledTA

    DisgruntledTA New commenter

    I understand you saying to stay away but I feel for their families too. We all know each other’s families being a small setting and I know what it would do especially to the TA’s wife.
  6. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    if someone is spending work hours on thier phones inappropriately in work hours, or having meetings purely for social reasons to the detriment of other colleagues, this is a problem.

    If those people are having an affair, that is totally irreleveanmt, and nothing to do with you. Absolutly none of your business.

    Incidently, I was reported once for sitting in the staff room on my phone, when I had in fact been sent there by my HOD, and was communicating with both him, and the negineer we had called for the photocopier I was sitting next to.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  7. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    get your beak out

    It is not up to you to feel sorry for anyones spouse, or even to know if they have one.

    You know nothing about anything. You are likely to get yourself disciplined or sacked, posting things like this.

    You should get this deleted in case you are identified. Very few schools call the post ALNCO

    (quite frankly, you sound like a trouble maker, and jealous, )
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  8. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter


    who to? Its nobody's business

    The only person who is going to get into trouble for "reporting it" is you.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
  9. Morninglover

    Morninglover Star commenter

    Unless you have been a Peeping Tom and spied them in bed together, it's tittle tattle.
  10. ACOYEAR8

    ACOYEAR8 Star commenter

    OP -This is valuable advice. The personal affairs of other staff -romantic or otherwise are best left alone. If, as you suggest, this is something that is overt and it hasn't been ' reported ', then it can't be of consequence to anyone else unless of course it is you who are married to one of the personnel mentioned -in which case, find a lawyer.
  11. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    I think the name of the OP says a great deal.

    The TA who is a governor should declare the relationship in the form of a declaration of personal interest at the next governors meeting. Assuming, if course, the relationship is real.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2020
    VeronicAmb, ms honey, caress and 7 others like this.
  12. phlogiston

    phlogiston Star commenter

    Affairs can be hugely destructive to family life. This is mostly something for the families to sort out, perhaps with legal assistance.
    My observations are that affairs have happened in almost every school I've worked in. Usually they haven't been to the detriment of the work with the children, and unless they become so, I would keep well clear. Affairs are not illegal.
  13. celago22

    celago22 Established commenter

    This is why it is so hard to trust colleagues. Why do you need to get involved? Just stay out of it and let them get on with it. If it starts to affect the children, then yes, by all means report it. Otherwise, stay out of it.
  14. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Star commenter

    if something happens that is to the detriment ofthe children, then report the thing that is having a detrimental impact on the children. Strat throwing around wild accusations of affairs at the same time, and you will quickly find yourself in very deep water
  15. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    No, I'm afraid it isn't misconduct and there is nothing you can do.
    As it is the summer holidays now, I would leave them to whatever they want to do and they and their families can sort things out as they wish.
    It's hard in small schools where you know people and know the families as well, but people need to live their own lives and make their own choices.

    The partners of these staff members won't thank you for intervening and it really won't make anything better. There will be people all over your village/town having affairs. Some end in broken marriages and some don't. That's life whenever people are around.

    If it's still going on in September and it really gets you down then have a word about how you can manage your own thoughts and feelings with a counselling helpline or similar. If it is a well known situation in the school, then you can always have a chat with the head (if sympathetic and you are sure they know already) and ask to be moved to role away from this situation.
  16. DYNAMO67

    DYNAMO67 Lead commenter

    It’s none of your business.

    I think you are presenting this as a work issue when in reality, you’re actually just wanting to engage out of misplaced moralising, jealousy, or to get one over on one of them (seemingly the female)

    It’s destructive for the families involved- I get that- but this isn’t an issue for you
  17. Lattelady

    Lattelady New commenter

    As a CoG, I would tell you that it is not your business nor mine. You have no evidence and frankly I would view this as mischief making.
  18. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    Reminds me of Mrs Mangel from Neighbours. Ramsay Street's self-appointed moral guardian.
  19. catbefriender

    catbefriender Lead commenter

    Whenever I read these posts from newcomers:rolleyes:, I can't help but thing it's all fabrication. I am always reminded of an online creative writing course I did, and the chapter on 'research.' If for instance, you have a narrative in a legal setting, ideally, you need to get professional legal advice as to protocol etc. but as you are an aspiring writer with limited means, a cheaper way to do it, is to post something on a forum lawyers are likely to read and comment on. In fact this is what the author of the course said they did in the past, but now, having had a best seller and usually getting huge advances, they can afford to pay professionals.

    So I see it like this...... Keith, a young, TA, recently married to June, who he married out of duty, after all she had a bun in the oven and not necessarily his, unsure of what he wants to do in life, taking a stopgap in his failed acting career, meets Maggie, the ALNCO whose husband, John, isn't as attentive to her and who she suspects might be playing for the other side. And all this against the backdrop of a failing Inner City school. They meet, they knew it was meant to be and can't stop texting and communicating with each other, putting nothing but their love for each other as their number one priority.o_O
    ms honey, Laphroig, ajrowing and 7 others like this.
  20. Lattelady

    Lattelady New commenter

    Damn, I have written myself out of the role of wicked and vengeful yet morally pure, chair of governors, who casts them out into the streets!

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