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Advice- saw my hod partially undressed.

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by jozzy22, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. jozzy22

    jozzy22 New commenter

    I was in our department office prepping for September at the end of the day. I'm the only female in the department. Several male teachers were in the room. I turned around when another teacher entered the room only to see my hod bare chested. He was changing to go home. I felt shocked that he would do that publicly with his staff members in the room with kids walking past the office. In private, I tried to tell him that it made me uncomfortable and that i would prefer he undress in the toilets in future. He dismissed it and said he hadnt meant for me to turn around and see and that was the least of my worries. Has anyone encountered a situation like this because he has made me feel very uncomfortable? I don't want to ignore it so he thinks it ok but i also want to maintain good relationships with my coworkers.
  2. newposter

    newposter Occasional commenter

    Is that what we call ‘woke’?
  3. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    People don't always realise what may make others uncomfortable - if he feels comfortable changing his shirt in semi-public, he might not have realised you'd be bothered. Before concerts with my orchestra, some people go off to the toilets to change, but others change (as discreetly as they can) in the room where we're all unpacking instruments, and people just avert their eyes if they're uncomfortable with that.
    Although he might have been a little dismissive of it as a problem, if he has any common sense he will in future check that you're not about before changing, or at least warn you so that you don't look round. I wouldn't do anything more at this stage unless it happens again.
    Piranha and DexterDexter like this.
  4. meggyd

    meggyd Senior commenter

    So he cycles home maybe? Footballers remove their shirts, men on the beach. You weren't alone with him and he works in a "lads department." You are overreacting. If it happens when you are alone with him though.....
  5. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    I'd write an email to him, expressing your point of view, and copying in his line manager (or a DHT or the HT).
  6. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    I wouldn't. That seems a bit extreme and an unnecessary escalation which might either result in unfair black marks for the hod or in the OP being seen as precious, nervous, and too ready to run to management with tales.
  7. CWadd

    CWadd Star commenter

    Was it a nice chest?

    On a serious note - you saw him bare chested, he tried to dismiss your concerns. Probably because he was embarrassed and trying to hide it behind bravado. Or maybe he simply doesn't care and thinks you're being a bit too sensitive. As others say, hang fire unless it happens again.
  8. Admin Princess

    Admin Princess Occasional commenter

    I think @frustum is right. He might have reacted dismissively at the time because he was embarrassed at not having considered someone else seeing him, but will be a bit more thoughtful in future. (If he's a sportsman/gym user it's probable he's used to changing in front of others and didn't give it a second thought.)

    I think you've done the right thing in mentioning it to him at the time; I wouldn't say anything more unless something else happens.
  9. Admin Princess

    Admin Princess Occasional commenter

    Sorry @CWadd , posted at same time!
  10. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Nope. It makes everyone aware of what is, and what isn't acceptable.

    FWIW I never saw this happen in 32 years of teaching. Staff who cycled in, changed in changing rooms.
    jlishman2158 and Curae like this.
  11. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    If they've got a good bod.be grateful otherwise please put it away for all our sakes. Some folk actually think they are sex on legs others don't see it that way though. We have a very strict and formal member of our faculty but she's forever adjusting her knickers underneath her stockings my mother would be mortified and give her a good telliing off.. She even does it in front of the male staff :eek::eek::eek::D:D:D
    Babycakes77 and grumpydogwoman like this.
  12. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    I cannot believe this bothers you so much.
    It's only a bare chest...........we see these all the time.
    Really.................just forget it.
    Good job you don't teach PE!
  13. scienceteachasghost

    scienceteachasghost Lead commenter

    Men often do not mind other men seeing their bare chest when changing. I’ve done it myself in a school only in a room with the lights off and quickly and have once or twice witnessed other men in school bare chested in my presence. I can understand as a female it may have bothered you more just as I would find it a bit weird to see a female colleague change in a public place.
    You have pulled him up on it and I think that is enough and appropriate at this stage, to go emailing SLT will just make you a target. Obviously he sees it as a non issue and wouldn’t want to get in trouble so has dismissed it as an issue but deep down has probably vowed not to do it in your presence again. If he does or makes suggestiveness out of it that’s the time to go higher.
    As for kids seeing, believe me, his problem then as he runs the risk of them telling and/or taking pictures. Let him deal with that if it comes to that.
    Although it ma6 seem uncouth, changing at work is a good way of minimising BO particularly from men and Im sure most education professionals can identify at least one colleague with BO issues, particularly in hot weather.
  14. DYNAMO67

    DYNAMO67 Lead commenter

    Sorry this is a non issue. Leave alone.

    Yeah. A bit of common sense on his part could avoid embarrassment. Yeah, he should have thought about it a bit. But you do go swimming I take it and see a bare chest? It’s not shocking is it? Nor does it sound like it was done In a provocative manner.

    I’d leave alone. Another to file in the ‘nothing to be gained pile’ move on
  15. CWadd

    CWadd Star commenter

    Having 're read the post, I'd be more concerned that he told you seeing his chest was the least of your worries. Which implies to me there are more serious issues in the department you should be spending your time over, and also that if you choose to complain will likely get short shrift from SLT.
  16. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    Yes. And the police too.
    When you have done that, don't forget to construct a large sign for your back saying "AVOID"
  17. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    I'm gutted!
    I was expecting something far more salacious than this when I saw the thread title.

    I can't count the number of colleagues I've seen changing to go home at various times over the years.
    Seriously, I am stunned that you've been a member since 2012 and this is the first thing you've decided to post about. Really?!
    This is the most worrying part of the post...why aren't you prepping for September in a rush on the first day of September like everyone else?!
  18. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

  19. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    Dear OP

    I presume you are female?

    I suggest that you wander into the office bare chested and see how he ruddy well likes it!

    Aunty Dunty
  20. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter


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