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Advice needed - wedding invitation dilemma

Discussion in 'Personal' started by riddle_of_history_solved, Apr 1, 2012.

  1. A friend of mine from uni is getting married in 2 weeks. A few months ago I got a save the date card, then recently I went to the hen. I've also received texts from her about it because she wanted to invite me but not my OH (which caused all kinds of problems with my OH, but which as far as she knows is fine). But 14 days and counting still no invitation-and this is the kind of fancy wedding where things would be done properly... It feels rude to ask her, and also awkward to request an invite to a wedding which my OH isn't now that keen on my going to... Advice?
     
  2. A friend of mine from uni is getting married in 2 weeks. A few months ago I got a save the date card, then recently I went to the hen. I've also received texts from her about it because she wanted to invite me but not my OH (which caused all kinds of problems with my OH, but which as far as she knows is fine). But 14 days and counting still no invitation-and this is the kind of fancy wedding where things would be done properly... It feels rude to ask her, and also awkward to request an invite to a wedding which my OH isn't now that keen on my going to... Advice?
     
  3. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    If it's a wedding where things are done'properly' doesn't your invite say 'plus friend' or plus 1' or something similar?
     
  4. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    Ignore it. It's her **** and not yours. You can find other things to do on the day with your OH and have a better time than attending someone elses wedding.
     
  5. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    That's the way to celebrate the idea of partnership
    With two weeks to go, I'd guess you aren't invited
     
  6. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    Give he a ring and say you hope she has a lovely day - and ask who's going (that way you can open a conversation that, hopefully, allows everyone's face to be saved).
     
  7. dumpty

    dumpty Lead commenter

    Just wondering why honesty is such a bad thing here - call and tell her you have not received an invitation and would just like to know if she wants you to come along or not, for while you would like to you can appreciate she may not have space?
     
  8. I don't know why people get so upset about their partners not being invited - does he know your friend well? If not I can perfectly understand her not wanting to invite someone she doesn't know that well. On the otherhand if you are the only one out of a particular group and wouldn't know anyone else then it would be fair enough to invite him so you would know someone. This is what my friend did with her recent wedding, my partner was invited as we have spent several new year eve's all together so both her and her partner know him, whereas two of her uni friends were invited without partners because she had never met them and they would have eachother for company.
    Considering you have been to the hen etc it seems a bit odd not to have received anything. If you don't want to directly ask can you not say you have been having problems with your post and are worried you may have missed the invite?
     
  9. I agree with dumpty.

    Just ask whether she wants you there or not. If not - go off and have a lovely day with your OH and think of the money you are saving by not buying a new outfit; buying a present; spending loads of money on drinks and taxis. My goodness you could probably have a night away at a posh hotel for what you would pay to go to a wedding! Maybe you would be better off not going? [​IMG]
     
  10. FrauSue

    FrauSue New commenter

    One of my friends didn't receive her wedding invitation -it got lost in the post somewhere! She sent me a very polite email asking if she could at least come to the service as she would love to see everyone but not to worry if we were short on space etc. and I of course emailed back full of apologies that she thought she wasn't invited! It could be a genuine mistake - but you won't know if you don't ask! Just be polite - say you know that they may be limited on numbers but you would like to send a card at least and ask where should it be addressed to or something like that.
     
  11. Dunteachin

    Dunteachin Star commenter

    On a similar theme, we have been invited to an evening reception. The young couple have a home and everything they need and have requested no presents.
    However, they have suggested that guests might like to contribute to their exotic honeymoon and have sent details of their account with a high-end travel company. You are invited to donate money and leave a message.
    This isn't anonymous, and the couple can track who donated what.
    I don't like this at all. I think I will take a gift.
    What do the rest of you think about this trend?
     
  12. I think it is somewhat odd that you were invited on the hen do and have not recieved an invitation to the wedding even though you got a save the date. Maybe it is a genuine mistake and something has got lost along the way. I see no problem in ringing and asking, she may well be sat there wondering why you haven't sent an RSVP and wondering how to ask you! Just give her a ring!
     
  13. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    I agree.
    Also re the trend for paying for honeymoons etc, you could get them a voucher for a photo book on their return or a meal out at a resteraunt over there instead? I do hate them knowing the cash value of what you spend too. x
     
  14. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    It is crass, ugly and a further manifestation of the depressing fact that the focus is now much more on the wedding rather than the marriage.
     
  15. I don't even like wedding lists. Part of me thinks that weddings are so expensive anyway (now that there's the expectation of a weekend away for a hen/stag do, posh frock, overnight stay in a posh hotel) that the couple should just be grateful I turned up!
     
  16. lunarita

    lunarita Established commenter

    :)
    I agree. Keep it simple or count me out.
     
  17. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    Each to their own as far as weddings go, but my husband and I didn't want any hoop-la/fallings out over invites etc. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married until the day before the wedding (which was on Christmas Eve at lunchtime, followed by a party that evening). We invited exactly who we wanted there and if people came then it was meant to be. People were welcome to the ceremony AND party, or either if they could only make one or the other. We didn't have a sit-down reception because we didn't want to fork out a fortune for the meal and then be restricted on invitations - all our friends and family are of equal importance.
    Also, we didn't want anyone spending a fortune on their outfits/presents etc so by not giving them time to, we ensured that no-one spent tons of money to attend our wedding. We advised everyone to wear their Christmas party outfits.
    As for the OP's situation, I'd suggest that you give them a ring. You've got nothing to be embarrassed about; if she's been unkind enough to allow you to come to the hen party etc, but has then retracted your invitation to the wedding, then that says more about her than it does about you. On the other hand, if it IS a genuine mistake, calling her up is the easiest way to sort things out. Another point though, is that calling her directly may make her too embarrassed to explain why she hasn't invited you, so she may make up an excuse and pretend you were invited all along.
    A friend of mine got married last summer; I've known her for over 20 years but we've not been close for the last 10 years or so - I still consider her one of my oldest friends and I do keep in touch with her. Anyway, I'd gone to see her after she'd had her baby and she made reference to her wedding saying she wanted to invite everyone from our 'circle' to the evening do but, since we don't see each other often, she thought it best to make an evening only invitation. Fine with me. Then I go no invite. Again, fine. But then I received a Facebook message inviting me at the last minute, like two days beforehand. I didn't bother going.
     
  18. I went to a wedding last week requesting the same thing. Again, I don't like this idea so we bought them a good bottle of champagne to share when they get back from honeymoon. We dn't know the couple very well, would probably have spent about £20 on a gift but putting a £20 note in a card seems rubbish!
     
  19. Thanks frausue especially-good to hear how birde-to-be might feel. Just to clarify, mention of not inviting OH wasn't to question whether this is ok (very varying opinions on this I know) but to see whether people felt that to explicitly uninvite him amounted to an implicit invitation of me?
     
  20. I contributed money to my sister's wedding but she is my sister and wouldn't have cared if it was a fiver or fifty quid. I have also contributed money to friend's wedding but in these scenarios it said that since they have all they need, they would appreciate donations that they then shared out to local charities on our behalf and I thought this was lovely.
     

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