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Advice, ideas, help and support all needed

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Wizzbizz, Feb 19, 2018.

  1. Wizzbizz

    Wizzbizz New commenter

    Hi All, I have what feels like a serious dilemma and am just looking for any advice or support with the following situations.

    In January I started as a subject leader in a new school. I loved my old school! I was well liked by both staff and students, I was well regarded in terms of my practice, felt happy with my work life balance and loved teaching. I moved for the promotion opportunity as there was very little progression in my old school. I am now feeling a deep sense of regret and anxiety. Yesterday before going back I was just filled with dread, it got to the point where I just broke down and started crying which is just so unlike me.

    I get that it takes time to settle but I can't shake the feeling that I jumped too early in my career (I am in my 3rd year of teaching). I feel that some of my team are perpetually judging me and that I can't do anything right for them despite working long hours and weekends to try and make sure everything is in place. I feel that I have been parachuted into a struggling department in an outstanding school and told fix it with no leadership experience or support. I'm worried that if I leave and go back (my old head has offered me my job back) I will have tried and failed and that I will never be able to apply for positions like this again or that it will be embarrassing to talk about. I am worried that I won't be financially strong enough as took a large pay rise for this job. I am struggling to make friends or connect with people which leaves me with a horrible sense of loneliness. I worry that if I move and take my old job I am leaving the department, school and students in an extremely tricky situation. And to top it all off my Dad has just had a stroke which has rightly consumed a large part of my 1/2 term and but I am concerned with lack of work that I did and the problems it will cause for the team and the potential backlash.

    I have really appreciated reading some of the stories on this forum and would really appreciate any advice people can give. Thank you
     
  2. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    You're probably right that you went for promotion slightly too early, but you were offered the position and you're there, so the School believe you can do the job.

    Yes it takes up to a year to settle into any new school and on top of that you've had personal issues and the demands of being a subject leader. Give yourself a little time to get on top of everything.
     
    Pomza, Curae, Wizzbizz and 4 others like this.
  3. Sundaytrekker

    Sundaytrekker Star commenter

    Agreed. Also, don’t place too much reliance on your old head saying you can have your job back. It is very unlikely to work like that. They must have a vacancy first, then must advertise it. Who knows who else will apply? It’s really best to look forward. Maybe ask for advice on which two priorities to spend your time on.
     
  4. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    You've only been here a few weeks. Give it time. These days people do get promotions relatively young and they appointed you so they see something in you. Yep, you're young and some colleagues will think you're TOO inexperienced. So you will have to work jolly hard to convince them. True. You can do nothing about lack of experience but why no support? Have you asked for support?

    You can't quit so soon. That's a bit defeatist even for me (and I'm a big quitter). But, if you did, I'm sure it wouldn't be the end of the world. You'd still go for promotions and you'd be honest and admit you took on too much but you're wiser now. Money? That's up to you.

    Give it time! You're very impatient! Calm down. Take it easy. Make ONE friend. And don't try so hard. The department? Well, you're no use to them if you absolutely hate it so I wouldn't worry about them. I'm sure there would be applicants for the job.

    "I have had a rotten holiday. My Dad has had a stroke! Be nice to me. And I have done bug.ger all as I am sure you can well appreciate so I apologise in advance. I feel awful about it, believe me." And if they don't show some compassion then it might make you rethink about staying on anyway.
     
  5. foxtail3

    foxtail3 Star commenter

    You’ve been there half a term. It can take much longer than that before a place feels familiar and you feel you belong

    People believed in you sufficiently to offer you the job and wouldn’t have done that if they weren’t confident that you could do it. When you’re comfortable in a job and it’s ‘easy’, that’s the time to move on. You’re feeling that you are ‘consciously incompetent’ at the moment, but I’d be worried if you weren’t aware of things you need to learn.

    Apart from that, the events in your personal life have turned things upside down. If you’re only in your third year, you’ve done really well. In the meantime, is there any way of getting support- a more experienced colleague, a middle leaders course perhaps. Stick at it, you’re good and you’ll get even better.
     
    Pomza, Wizzbizz, agathamorse and 2 others like this.
  6. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    In my dep I have seen 8 HOF's over decades ...I was one of them too.
    What you need to do and say must be done with confidence . Being a HOF can isolating . Yes older staff may well see you as inexperienced and blame everything that doest go to plan as a direct result of your experience. Let me tell you that is really does NOT matter at all. We all learn and continue to learn on the job with or without INSET. With time you will develop your style and have things organised. Get to know your staff and know their strengths let them know. Be honest be fair Do try to NOT form clichés with staff in your dep Show them you care and my goodness they WILL return the support. It might takes months or more that a couple o years ..It doesn't matter Be professional but NEVER expectin perfection.
    Please listen to this advise ad I have witnessed so many styles o
     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  7. sbkrobson

    sbkrobson Star commenter

    Honestly?
    Take it.
    It made you happy and this doesn't.
     
    Pomza, mollyhog and Wizzbizz like this.
  8. mollyhog

    mollyhog Occasional commenter

    Agree absolutely with sbkrobson. Life is too short. Yes, I know it takes time to settle, but sometimes you just know you've made a mistake. It's ok to make mistakes, it doesn't mean you won't ever move on again, just that you will have a better idea of what you're looking for. Go back to your old school, learn as much as you can, give as much as you can and think about moving on when you know you need to move.
     
    Wizzbizz likes this.
  9. Tinycat1234

    Tinycat1234 Established commenter

    It’s meant to take 3 months to know whether you like a new job or not. Sounds like you have a gut feeling that it’s not for you however. I think if you really hate it then leave. However if there’s any light at the end of the tunnel I would give it a good go.
     
    Wizzbizz and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  10. install

    install Star commenter

    You love your old school
    You hate the present one
    Your old ht has offered you your job back
    You are not coping

    To me the answer is to go to your old school. This is a rare ht who clearly values you and admires you. Who knows - you might get your promotion there too when the time is right. You clearly think alot of it and miss it terribly.

    Your current school will understand. And good luck whatever you decide.
     
    Curae, Wizzbizz and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  11. thekillers1

    thekillers1 Lead commenter

    Go back to the previous school and be emotionally happy again.
     
    Wizzbizz likes this.
  12. Wizzbizz

    Wizzbizz New commenter

    Thank you everyone for your kind responses they have been a great comfort over the past couple of days. @thekillers @mollyhog @sbkrobson @install I had a meeting with the Head of my current school he kindly expressed concerns with my mental health situation, however he reacted poorly to the news that i was considering resigning and returning to my old school (I do appreciate he has a duty to the school). This has increased my anxiety and stress greatly as I am now concerned that if i decide to leave then my colleagues will make my remaining time difficult especially considering the way the head reacted. I get that I shouldn't care what people think and be thick skinned but it is hard to work in place where you are centre of peoples frustrations. I feel really low, dread going into work and when I am there I isolate myself and am demotivated (which stresses me more because i feel I am not giving it all to the students and they are the best thing about being a teacher). @mollyhog I hope you don't mind but I looked at some of your early posts. How did you deal with colleague relationships after handing in your resignation?
     
    thekillers likes this.

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