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adult behaving like a child! so annoyed!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by anon1369, Aug 2, 2011.

  1. Long story short. After a car accident last year my dad paid for me to get a new car on lease for a couple of years so I can save up to get my own. My dad is self employed and I sort all his accounts and paperwork and he does pay me a very decent wage.

    Dad and brother went the pub yesterday for a couple of hours and I got a text off brother last night at 10 saying dad told me to come and pick them up. (dad doesn't live with us) I was in bed at this time and didn't really want to but I got up and got dressed etc meanwhile texting brother messing around telling him taxi numbers and the like. I was about to leave when I realised I had had a nightcap and wasn't sure how it works with drinking and driving. So I text dad to say this and text back to say this was fine, he wud see me tomorrow and I could hand back the car. I looked on the net and saw I was under the limit so left to pick them up. By the time I got there dad was in a major mood and had called his wife to pick him up. I then text him to say I had gone to get him but he had already called his wife. His response? 'sacked'
    I didn't respond and I haven't heard from him since. I am so annoyed and upset I have hardly slept and feel like a naughty child. MrCC thinks I should just give it back and leave him to it. But its difficult as I've got 2 young siblings and don't want to damage my relationship with them. I don't know if he was drunk and over reacting or just being childish! I was due to go and work for him later today but don't know whether to turn up, not turn up, contact him or not. I seriously can't believe he is behaving like this. Dad was moaning about it in the pub to brother coz he pays for the car and never asks for favours.
     
  2. Yeah, I would do that too.
     
  3. Dad has done a range of favours for you....?
    he got stroppy when he asked a favour from you and you got sniffy about it?
    Families.

     
  4. As far as I can see, the biggest mistake here was your saying yes, you would pick him up, and then letting him down. In the grand scheme of things, that is a very minor disappointment and not something you need beat yourself up over.
    Personally, if things are said under the influence of alcohol I tend to ignore them, although I know that when the boot's on the other foot, other people are less willing to forget. As others have said, it could have been the ale talking. "Sacked" from what? Taxi-driving? Try turning your phone off when you go to bed.
    Go into work. If he tries to sack you, tell him you'll take him to a tribunal. How much worse could your relationship get?
     
  5. Thank you for all the replies. I admit I am a big worrier and often view things as worse than they actually are. I also admit that I let people walk over me and don't stand up for myself - which MrCC gets really annoyed about!
    Well I have arrived at work and he came in a little while after me and I think he was a bit shocked to see me here. It feels a little awkward but at least he was talking to me and looks really rough so I think it probably was the alcohol talking. MrCC thinks that I should let dad know that I was upset and inform him that if he had have asked me to pick them up earlier on I would have done so, but to demand that I get out of bed is out of order. He also thinks that I should get an apology but I doubt it, my family are not big on apologies and I would rather forget about the whole thing to be honest,
    He is very stubborn and always has been, I rememeber when me and my brother were little - around 6 and 8. Every year on Christmas day dad used to take us to the grave of his sister who died when he was only a child. One year we asked if we could stay at home to play with our toys instead, the result? He gave away all our toys to charity and we got nothing. We were only children and didn't really understand the importance of going to visit a grave, particularly as we didn't know her as she had died well before we were born.
    I feel a bit calmer now and feel stupid for losing sleep over it. Thank you all for your responses though, it's helpful to see things from other perspectives as I can be a bit of an over-reactor!
     
  6. blazer

    blazer Star commenter

    Does he actually 'employ' you or is this a cash in hand affair? If the former then he can't sack you on the spur of the moment outside of your normal working hours. If the latter then he will have to find someone else to do his books and as the car is leased he will still have to pay for it until the end of the contract.
     
  7. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    Placate = to pacify or appease.
    People who need pacified and appeased are tyrannical in various ways. I don't know what age you are CC, but if your Dad needs pacifying then there must be a fairly significant element of fear in your life. Does everyone in your family walk on egg shells when your Dad is around?
    Despicable. He sounds like the archetypal 'enfant terrible'.
     
  8. catmother

    catmother Lead commenter

    I'm afraid that I've often thought that from reading some of your threads. Sorry.
     
  9. It's ok, I think it's to do with the fact I am a people pleaser and always try my hardest to please everyone, usually putting myself last. Then because I never confront anybody or stand up for myself I think my emotions build up inside until I feel like I need to explode - if you see what I mean? I will readily admit that I get easily wound up about some things - even when it's not a big deal.
     
  10. That's what I thought when he first said about taking it off me, but I can actually see him doing it to prove a point. Nothing has been mentioned about the car though so hopefully I will be keeping it!
     
  11. I wouldn't say so but then again we rarely see him as he lives with his wife (who has the same kind of personality) and my 2 step-siblings. At the moment I only see him quite a lot as I'm working for him and then brother very rarely sees him. That's about as big as the family gets to be honest, he doesn't speak to his other sister and so that's all on his side of the family.
    I have probably painted a picture of a really horrible man, but he's not that bad - I know he has good intentions but the tough love strategy isn't always the best. One thing I do know is that families are strange!
     
  12. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    My god, what a combination that must be!
    Too true.
     
  13. Having grown up walking on eggshells trying desperately not to upset the rickety apple-cart upon which my grandmother's uncertain temper and mother's mental health seemed to depend, I know exactly what you mean about people-pleasing. Like you I have also married a man who over-reacts to any minor difficulty or inconvenience (I am often struck by the strangeness of it).
    But you are an adult woman now and have to start standing up for yourself. As a child, the worst that could happen was actually pretty horrible to a child, as you point out; but what's the worst now? He'll rant and blather for a while, sulk, throw a strop, take your car - you can get your own or manage without! - she'll b*tch and whine; you just smile and nod, think what an asshole, and leave your phone off at night. Assertiveness training!
    MrCC thinks that I should let dad know that I was upset and inform him that if he had have asked me to pick them up earlier on I would have done so, but to demand that I get out of bed is out of order.
    I am entirely with MrCC on this.
     
  14. Just ask. The uncertainty would drive me crazy and I'm not as much of a worrier as you!
     
  15. Eva_Smith

    Eva_Smith Established commenter

    Ha ha, it will surprise no-one here to know that this describes me very closely also. I attribute these qualities to being a Cancerian: tough outer shell that holds everything in and projects and image of everything being fine, but the claws come out in my defence if I feel things have gone too far.
    I find that it's a good idea to imagine that a friend is in my situation and think about what advice I'd give them. I'm always quite good at offering practical advice, but seldom give myself the same advice.
     

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