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Access rights

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by bradley10, May 8, 2012.

  1. Firstly huge hugs to you friend.
    My sister left her husband 2 1/2 years ago after a violent relationship lasting 10 years. (it took her a long time to do this) her children were 7 and 2. She moved in with my mum until the divorce and financial settlement were through. The situation is awful and I don't really have an answer as I think every case is different. He has no turned his abuse (mental) on his daughter (who is now 10) he still stalks my sister. police have been involved as have social services - and apparently unless if he sexually abuses my niece he has 'rights' My niece has now refused to see her dad at all but he tries to bribe her and she is desperate for her fathers love. His relationship with his son is completely different but their ideas of how to bring up children are completely different. My sister is still petrified of him, he is not allowed on the property now and passes my nephew up at the door as he was abusive to her at the door. (injunction)
    I think it is a control issue for both my sister and your friend - they don't want to give it up. I think she needs to restrict access in order for her to recover mentally - she will not recover properly until she gets some space from him. With regards to access - neutral place at certain times of the week? Could she have family there to support her through this?
    If it was me, I wouldn't be there at the weekend. she is perfectly entitled to carry on with her life without being tied down to her home (my sister has a similar thing and it has taken ages for her to deal with this same issue) She needs to take control back over her life. I am not saying to cut him out entirely but to start slowly in taking control.
    Police told my sister to log everything texts, have a notebook where anything that happens is said is recorded dated, timed. If another person i.e. family member has witnessed something they write it etc.
    Sorry about the long post - hope your friend gets everything sorted.

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