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Aargh! Mother-in-law!

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by ladybug3, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. Hi,
    I normally post on pregnancy, quite excited about my first post with a real life baby! She's a week old. My mother-in-law has insisted on coming to stay for 5 days... and I hate it! She keeps watching everything I do, interfering when I washed the baby this morning, telling me off for not breastfeeding, insisting the baby has wind when she is perfectly fine. This morning my baby was crying because she was hungry, so I fed her, and then she vomited. MIL's response was "I told you she wasn't hungry". Erm, yes, she was, she was just sick as well... Please someone with experience tell me how to respond or I may commit murder!! Added to that, she hasn't come to help, she wants to be entertained- i.e. will i take her to local tourist attractions? No, I have a week old baby!
    On a totally different note... my bottle fed baby didn't poo yesterday and hasn't yet today. Is this ok or should I do something about it??
    Thanks for letting me moan...
    x
     
  2. Hi,
    I normally post on pregnancy, quite excited about my first post with a real life baby! She's a week old. My mother-in-law has insisted on coming to stay for 5 days... and I hate it! She keeps watching everything I do, interfering when I washed the baby this morning, telling me off for not breastfeeding, insisting the baby has wind when she is perfectly fine. This morning my baby was crying because she was hungry, so I fed her, and then she vomited. MIL's response was "I told you she wasn't hungry". Erm, yes, she was, she was just sick as well... Please someone with experience tell me how to respond or I may commit murder!! Added to that, she hasn't come to help, she wants to be entertained- i.e. will i take her to local tourist attractions? No, I have a week old baby!
    On a totally different note... my bottle fed baby didn't poo yesterday and hasn't yet today. Is this ok or should I do something about it??
    Thanks for letting me moan...
    x
     
  3. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    My baby was mix fed from 6 days old, and only used to poo once every 3 days until he was about 3 months old, when he suddenly started pooing 3 times a day!! We used to be like 'today's a poo day' haha. Weirdly enough, he is 17 months old now and i've only had to change a pooey nappy twice when we've been out, and we go out a lot. I think my son likes to poo in privacy!
    As for MILs....I found everything mine said and did got my back up for the first few weeks, but I think that's just natural. Mine only lives 3 miles up the road. She used to give everyone advice with our son (although didn't dare with me!). The best was when she started trying to give advice to my husband's aunt when she was holding him...and she's a nurse on the maternity ward!! You will look back and find it amusing.
     
  4. I'm so jealous...teh number of times we've had a full cothes change situation in public is not funny!
    My LO is 10 months old and was bottlefed from 4 weeks. It took her a while to get used to the formula I think, and she didn't poo 'normally' for a few days. Every baby is different. Ours got into a lovely habit after a while of just going once a day first thing in the morning, and then it all changed when she went on solids!
    I don't have a MIL, but my SIL is so incredibly awful. She is so critical of every single thing I do, btu never tells me that she doesn't agree with it, just the rest of my OH's family...she has no kids, never been around them, so it drives me nuts...she came to visit for 2 weeks in our 1 bed house and I died! Don't worry though, eventually you will look back and laugh. Can your OH say anything to her?
    ongratulations, and enjoy your baby!
     
  5. MIL to DIL- the most difficult relationship you will ever have. Many are the same- not sure if it is a jealousy thing- you have their little boy and are naturally going to turn to your mother more than her...so she feels she has to get at you
    . Mine is similar 'oh you do it like that, do you?', she also keeps popping round- I have avoided answering the door before. Too close for comfort. I could write a whole list of things I don't like about her.
    I do sympathise, I am not sure how much you can do- but feel free to rant here.
     
  6. Mine infuriated me in the early days too, but i have since learnt to smile and nod. She loves my baby dearly, and wouldn't do her any harm, wnats nothing more than to be the doting nanny, so what more could i ask for (believe me it took a while to come to that- went back to work in september and she even wound me up a bit then, as she has Lo a day a week- on the one hand it lessens the constant contact with us, as she has her time with baby, but on the other hand i always hear what a wonderful time they've had even though I've had a bad day at work, etc etc) I take comfort in the fact that if/when i hopefully have another one I will be a stronger second time mum and when/if she rips my baby out of my arms when baby is crying (yes really!) because she wants me, and won't let me have her to feed her even though she is obviously hungry and cluster feeding (bf) I will be firm and tell her what for!!
     
  7. I'bve had this and have just responded, "yes I do".
     
  8. As another poster said, MIL and DIL is a difficult relationship at the best of times. I think so much changes re: parenting from one generation to the next which doesn't help. I relaly struggled with BFing and gave up after three weeks, whereas she managed months and she regaled me with tales of how she used to have to sit on her hands and have her sister hold the baby to her breast because she was riddled with mastitis and the pain was so much. I think it's great she managed to persevere through that, and know she's just sharing her experiences, but I'm so blooming sensitive I take each story as a dig at how I;m doing things.

    She often says things like "oh what's your bad mummy doing to you?" which is just her sense of humour, but I can't stand that. I did have a word with her and she, as I suspected, didn;t realise she was upsetting me (I used my hormones as an excuse). This has really improved things.

    I often said things like, oh the midwife said to do it like this, this is what we were told in antenatal class, and then we'd have the old "oh it's all changed since I had my boys" chat, which meant I could avoid throwing some kind of hissy fit. My OH backs me up a lot too which really helps.

    I uppose it's tough, because you can usually speak more openly with your own mum, and tell her more plainly that this is how you;re doing things. I;ve had to bite my tongue so many times with MIL - sometimes I just want to scream "you;ve raised your own children, you've had your time, just let me raise my child now!" But, so far have managed to restrain myself.

    Good luck, and congratulations! Enjoy your LO!
     
  9. Clearly this is a subject I feel strongly about, given the length of my post [​IMG]
     
  10. Oooh i love a good MIL rant lol! Like others have said, i think this is already an emotionally charged realtionship anyway, and having a baby just emphasises this.
    Really i know i'm irrational, but little things really do bug me - it's always 'where's Daddy?', 'does Daddy make you luagh?' daddy this, daddy that, i know he's her son but just once a nice mummy comment wouldn't go amiss! And the way she speaks to him really gets to me, it's all baby language and i don't even understand what she's on about! She really likes to 'baby' him, and he's just not that sort of little boy, he loves to be rolling round on the flor, even when i pick him up he just wriggles to get off me, but she would cradle him all day and ignore his obvious discomfort.
    All these are little things i know and she really does love him,i shouldn't let her get to me but i always do! Often i have to leave the room when she's round and pretend to do jobs as i can't bear how she is with him. Hopefully it'll get easier in time, i think when her daughters have kids it'll ease off on us.
     
  11. Thanks for the support- I'm so glad it's not just me! I think it's worse because it's in concentrated amounts when she visits as she has to stay here, she is rubbish at entertaining herself and has to talk all the time! Truly, she is more trouble than my baby! I completely empathise with leaving the room- my baby and me are spending a lot of time upstairs lying on our bed! Today my mum came over for a visit which helped. I snapped at my MIL this morning when she told me to leave my baby to cry because she "needs to learn"- she's 8 days old!!
     
  12. OOoh, I understand the way you have to leave the room... I don't like the way my MIL is with her..... It also drives me up the wall when she cries and she tried every position under the sun to stop the crying when I'm standing there wanting her back.
    I also feel she will be the 'wrap in cotton wool' type- I mentioned outdoor play, kayaking and climbing etc and got a horrified reply 'But she is GIRL'..... errrr...... are girls supposed to spend every day brushing dolls hair in little flowery dresses? I think she wants a girly-girl who won't get dirty,and spend everyday inside...I can't wait to go jumping in puddles!. I want her to be a strong, independant girl and not be afraid to play outside, climb trees and get mucky.
    Oooh, it is nice to rant.
    Yes, she does love her and I do need to allow them to spend time together but it is hard.

     
  13. Oh this happened to me so many times- like i said before, next time i will say "I think he/she wants mummy now". OH said to me at the time I should have just taken her but not as easy as that- just sat there getting mroe and more stressed until i had to leave the room!
     
  14. Urgh the whole of my OH's family are like that. His mum and aunty are the worst, grabbing the baby off me and not giving him back if he cries. I try to bite my tongue but it's very hard! I really feel for you ladybug. Can you have a word with the hubby and see if he can ask her politely to go home? Or make it clear that if she is going to stay she has to make herself useful rather than pestering you all day.
    Fortunately my MIL lives 80 miles away so we only see her once a fortnight but when we do she really pees me off. Last time I saw her when LO was 11 weeks old she wanted to know why he wasn't on solid food and swore blind she weaned my OH when he was 6 weeks old! Of course she did. And all I hear is 'You're so much like your daddy' [which he is] but I bloody well carried him for 41 weeks and he is as much me as he is him. Also she is an old tart, it's quite embarrassing! Here is nanny, wearing thigh high boots and a mini skirt and a rake of fake tan. She is a grandmother for gods sake, cover it up woman! To be fair she is only 46 but still!
     
  15. Oh it was a right laugh round here when MIL proclaimed, after weeks of squealing with joy over how much LO looked like his dad, that he was starting to look a lot like me. I think the exact words, "oh dear, hopefully you'll grow out of that!"
     
  16. Ha ha, how did you not punch her!?!?
     
  17. She might be stuck here because of the snow!! I want to cry...
    I have been keeping a tally... in the last 24 hours she has said "Ooh the baby has a tummy ache" 14 times (baby is fine) and "Good, you've actually put her down" 8 times. What is so wrong with me holding my newborn baby if I want to??!!
     

  18. Oh God, you poor thing. :(
    I wanted to STRANGLE my MIL when I was pregnant, and then my OWN mother once my LO was born (I had the tummyache/wind/coldhands/hes' bored repertoire.)
    Is there a reason why she is there when your baby is so young? Is your OH at work? Seems a little unfair that you should be left stuck at home alone with a tiny baby to deal with her. What a pain in the ****. x
     
  19. Oh no you poor thing!

    Mine lives in 'popping in distance' and told me she would pop in next week.... I am quite a busy person so the evil cow inside me is hoping her popping in time is when I have popped out.
    It is amazing how much these women annoy us
     
  20. She's here to see the baby and "help" although the only thing she has done is wash up. Hasn't even bought a bottle of wine! And hasn't offered to cook, clean, do washing etc. OH is also at home, still on paternity leave, but they don't get on so if they are in the same room they are arguing. And she's coming back for xmas...
     

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