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A pupil died today

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Thegirlfrommars, Mar 3, 2011.

  1. A girl in yr 7 died today in a tragic road accident. We are all devasted. I changed the lessons we had today and we wrote messages and prayers to her family. I feel for the kids and want to help them deal with this. Can anyone suggest something I can do with them which will help them get through the next few weeks? everything I had planned doesn't seem appropriate at this time.
  2. Oh I am so so very sorry. I wish I knew the words or right things to say or do - but I don't...it must be so hard for you all.... x x x Your in my thoughts and prayers x I am sure the school will have access to trained professionals who can help you and your school through this tragic time x
  3. modelmaker

    modelmaker Lead commenter

    Terrible news, Thegirlfrommars. How is the class coping? Is there something you could do to explore this sad event in asking them to consider what leads to such tragic events? Was the driver in a hurry unecessarily? Was the kid behaving recklessly?
    Obviously, without the details, it's not possible to focus on a good game plan for you, only an idea. I imagine it will be tough for you to come to terms with the young kid's premature death. I would personally get seriously drunk, but I don't advise it.
    So sad to see a young life wasted. I wish you luck.
  4. Thank you both. The poor little thing was running for the bus and slipped, so we could talk around this but at this stage you can't suggest that there is someone to blame. I did hear one student say, she wanted to avoid the late detention. Very crass. The kids are,on the whole very respectful. This is something they will never forget and I just wan to try and make it easier for them. I will have drink....but not on a Thursday, far too sensible.
  5. invincible

    invincible New commenter

    Are you serious? The kids have just lost a classmate and are probably in deep shock, scared and need to grieve. Would be far more appropriate to focus on the meaning of losing someone so close to them, what it means and how to cope with it.
    Very sorry for you OP. I know it's difficult. We lost a child a couple of years ago, younger though, and it was a terrible time. Wish you strength and wisdom to cope and be strong for the kids and the child's family.
  6. 576

    576 Established commenter

    This is a truly awful situation to be in.
    I worked in a school where one of the year 11's who'd just left was stabbed to death in the summer holidays.
    Then at Christmas time we lost a year 10 to a road traffic accident.
    At Easter we lost yr10 & yr7 siblings to a house fire.
    It was absolute hell on earth that year, and in the 2 subsequent years we lost 2 students to natural causes.
    Personally - I taught my topics as usual, you have to strike the right balance. Some of the students want to cry and talk about it and deserve the right to do so, others will welcome the distraction lessons gives them from their grief and pain.
    We had professionals in school who students (& staff) could go to to talk.
    Deepest sympathies.

  7. Perhaps a focus of doing something positive to remember her by? I mean something longer term that what you did today which sounded ideal. This would be really nice in its own right but also would creat a hook around which there would be time for children to remember and grieve as and when.
    I'm not suggesting anything specific - I think that should emerge from you and your students.
    I'm sorry for your loss.
  8. Very sorry to hear that. So young, I can imagine you are all at a loss.
    I have no idea what to advise for lesson plans - I would be tempted to throw them all out of the window and just talk about what is important in life, to each of us, and what we value/should value.
    Who is important to us, do we tell them, will we regret not telling them if they die tomorrow, can we learn from those who annoy us, can we forgive, can we forget?
    But above all - take sometime for all of you to grieve. Perhaps, when the shock is over, you could think of some kind of memorial - a tree, a star, some flowers in a garden, a cake baked for an elderly neighbour, a donation of old books or toys to children in hospital..
    Grieve first. That is more important xxxx
  9. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I agree.
  10. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I think it's important not to make the children who aren't personally involved through friendship feel guilty for not feeling grief rather than sadness at the loss of a young life. Tragic though this event is, the life of a school needs to go on, for many reasons. Abandoning the timetable wholesale for a grievefest would surely be a mistake. The offer of counselling for friends [and, yes, perhaps for those who didn't get on with this poor child] is something that should happen.
    Also, I think any ideas for a 'celebration' of the child's life should be put on hold. Her family might well not be up to it at the moment.
    A book of remembrance, open to anyone who wants to pay tribute, can be a fitting gift to her parents, I think.
  11. I think you should try to achieve a balance between the aforementioned discussion and time for reflection and grief, and normal lessons (perhaps with the pressure taken off). When I was at school a fellow pupil whom I did not know died, and whilst I felt sad about the event I did not need to grieve as I had never known him. It was a relief to be in normal lessons and away from the emotional atmosphere around school, and I think even those who were grieving for him were happy for a bit of distraction time.
  12. Normal lessons but with a sympathetic eye for those who can't cope. More than ever, at a time like his children need a routine or some sense of normality they can hold on to.
  13. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I'm a bit worried that you use the word appropriate twice in the first parapgraph.
  14. inky

    inky Lead commenter

  15. I have experienced students dying, also, but I have never started a thread about it.
  16. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    D'you know something - I just don't care. I'm wild me!!
  17. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Sorry, didn't mean to be frivolous in a serious thread.
  18. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    That's OK. I'm just not sure that the word appropriate is the right one, that's all. It's become a bit of a euphemism for acceptable.
  19. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    I think we tend to see so much crying over trivial things in the media - e.g reality TV, that children tend to think it is the right thing to do and then when something really shocking and sad happens like this, they need some guidance. Just because you don't collapse in tears doesn't mean you don't care, carrying on can be a tribute in its way as much as a memorial service. I think grieving is in danger of becoming all about the griever rather than the grieved e.g. the active applause at football stadiums rather than a time of silent reflection, the crowds with their flowers at Wooten Basset. Children can be shown it shouldn't be about "hey look at me grieving", but should be about honestly coming to terms with your feelings about what has happened. I thought "appropriate" was the word I needed.
  20. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I'm not saying they don't need reassurance.

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