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8 weeks on from my ectopic pregnancy surgery

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by FoundationStage!, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. I'm glad you had such a lovely doctor FS. Yes, do go out. I know exactly how you feel and didn't at first, then I spoke to headteacher's wife and met her for coffee (they were both very supportive and strangely I felt it more ok to see the HT's wife.) But also felt couldn't go out incase I was spotted. However i then went downhill thinkign I couldn't/shouldn't be seen out at all by anyone. Not good. You do need to go out, find yourself again and do things you enjoy to help you relax. Enjoying things won't take away your precious loss, however it does make it easier to cope with. Don't feel bad about not feeling bad (I hope that makes sense!). And book a holiday, it'll give you something to look forward to and a chance for you both to relax. My OH said similar things to doctor as your OHseems to have. He'll be worried to. Give yourselves the time you need to relax. TTC is so much harder when you're stressed. Inbox if you ever want to chat further. Take care xx
  2. Wow Foundationstage what an incredible post.
    I too once went to a doctor in a similar state. I expected to be given tablets. Instead she listened and she listened until I talked in a way I never had.
    An then, at the end, she said that she though I didn't need tablets. She though I needed to face that my marriage may be over. Instead of medicating she monitored and supported.
    Instead of taking the easy option she took the hard one and it totally changed my life.
    I suspect you have found the strong arms you needed to catch you.
    I suspect you may cope with a little time back before half term if you are going away or half term. Or maybe you and OH could get away or a long weekend or as long as he can get off work during your sick leave?

    JJF have you considered a sky lantern? You can write your hopes and dreams and memories on it.
  3. At the lowest point, the storms resolve into deep winter.
  4. You do need to go out, anything to aid your recovery and mental wellbeing. Staying in all day will just not help anyone..... It is a difficult one though as in the traditional sense 'being ill' should mean you are confined to bed.... but life isn't that simple... So get out the house, see friends, walk, talk- do whatever makes sense and what helps xx
  5. reddevil

    reddevil Occasional commenter

    Go out, if you want to. You have been signed off by a professional who obviously feels that you need the time to recover. A colleague of mine was off long term and stayed in because he felt he shouldn't be out but it made him worse. Go out, enjoy your photography, book your holiday...whatever helps you. I had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy last June so I do know where you're coming from a bit. Take care.
  6. Thanks for all your thoughtful responses. My husband has been at home with me since yesterday which is wonderful. We went out for lunch today and yesterday I saw family and friends so feel a little more like myself at the moment. It is so horrible to feel like you have lost the essence of yourself.
    I emailed my Head about the sick note before I went to sleep and last night was the first night I wasn't having bad dreams about school. It is obviously a real burden but I need to shut off from it now and focus on myself.
    Next week I will be going to see more friends and family but nowhere near school. I suppose I am "not fit for work" so shouldn't be feeling guilty or on edge.
    Thanks so much for your empathy xxx
  7. How's it going FoundationStage! ?
  8. Hi Weebecka,
    How are you? I haven't been on here for a while but am glad I checked today. I'm not too bad, thanks. I am still off work and goin back for mornings only next week. Then it's half term and I will review with my GP. I'll probably do mornings the week after half term too and it will be a good three months after my ectopic pregnancy so shouldn't feel so raw. It has been unbelievably horrendous and I will do all I can to avoid another breakdown at work. I don't care if I look like a slacker anymore, I only care about my emotional wellbeing.
    I haven't taken antidepressants but am taking St John's Wort and folic acid. Hoping to start trying again in April. I have ordered Toni Weschler's book and will start charting my temps tomorrow. I am desperate to get pregnant again and hold my baby in my arms. I was really upset about Amanda Holden losing her baby, my Mum had also reached 7 months with her first baby when she had to deliver it stillborn. It is so tragic. I don't know what to do with my grief sometimes - not so much how to cope with it or bear it - it's more a feeling of an overwhelming loss of what might have been and desolation. I suppose that is typical after a bereavement Luckily I don't feel that way too often now but I am feeling rather sad today. I am blaming the weather as I had been very happy when the sun was shining!
    I hope there will be many BFPs this month and hope to join everyone ttc again soon.
    Take care xxx
  9. Glad to hear you are putting yourself first. Hope your hubby is doing ok.
    Am i right in thinking that you two were planning a big travelling adventure this year? Are you still considering that?

    All the best- you are doing really well and pacing yourself so sensibly i think xx
  10. Thanks, Ladymarm. How are you?
    My husband has been very supportive since we saw a doctor who'd also had an ectopic pregnancy. He has also joined me once at counselling. We are planning to start ttc again in April and then go to NZ in September. Sod it, let's go! I am hoping to be more than 12 weeks pregnant and if I'm not I'll be upset. But I ought to start booking flights and just hope that we will conceive again quickly and that the baby will implant in the womb. However, India is not on the itinerary just in case... Although I will go there if I am not pregnant by Sept. Oh I hope I'm pregnant by then!! Twins please! [​IMG]
  11. I'm glad you are making some lovely plans but do understand your feelings of jealousy (you mentioned on other thread) and urge to want to be pregnant again soon. I felt like this when i miscarried at 6 weeks- i was lucky in that I didn't have to have surgery like you did.
    Wishing you all the luck in the world. i hope and think (based on my own experience)that you have been through the very worst times now and although you'll still have rubbish days or moments they become less frequent xxx
  12. Thank you, Ladymarm! I think you are right, I am through the worst of it. I just need to avoid having another breakdown at work. I am having a low day so hopefully will be in a better frame of mind on Monday morning xxx
  13. Yes FoundationStage! - your posts today are very different.
    Things are still awful but you've got your bearings in that awfulness.
    I'm glad you're going on for mornings next week. It may work out or it may not - that doesn't matter. But it's a good test. When you meet with your doctor during half term you'll be able to look back at how that went, take stock and plan the next stages accordingly. This is much better than talking not knowing anything about how you will cope at work.
    If it goes reasonably well you'll be able to plan ahead with a fair degree of confidence. If it doesn't than you'll be able to look at the other options available (therapies, medication, etc.) and plan accordingly. I suspect you will survive it okay but if you don't and you have to come home don't panic. There are still more support structures you haven't used which will help.
    I hope you'll let us know how you get on.[​IMG]
  14. Thank you, Weebecka. I am certainly not pressurising myself anymore. My GP has told me to take each day as it comes and not to feel I have to work if I can't cope. I don't want antidepressants and am having counselling. What other support structures do you mean? xxx
  15. If you don't want antidepressant you could consider alternative therapies, either medication or just general relaxation or de-stressing therapies.
    You could contact the miscarriage association. They have a helpline and it would be worth chatting through what you're doing and seeing if they can come up with other suggestions.
    You're doing right in talking to us and other people - sometimes from these links with individuals who can offer you personal support appear unexpectedly and can be meaningful.
    If thinks get really bad, medication may be appropriate. Anti-depressants aren't the only option.
    So - lots of things.
    But for now I suggest you get on with planning your travels in your head and planning to go back to work next week. If it goes well you might be booking your tickets for real very soon. I would hold off booking for a couple of weeks while you focus on doing your best next week. If next week goes well I suspect you'll be ready to book. If not you may need to allow yourself some more time to come out of this but don't panic you will get there soon.
    Remember - my advice is totally unprofessional and deeply dubious! [​IMG]xx

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