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8 Month old-Waking in the night- Advice please

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by EBC, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    Hello all,
    After spending 2 nights researching the web and reading past posts, I've plucked up the courage and asking for advice.
    My DD is 8 months old. She's the light of my life and a happy healthy baby. But she wakes often in the night. She was a good sleeper, in her own room, but we've had this problem since she was 5 months.
    She wakes about 6am but I put her dummy in, stroke her cheek and encourage her to sleep again till about 8.30am. We put her in our bed, play and watch TV till about 9.30. I give her a bottle, which she'll finish. She is awake but I put her dummy in, cuddle and she falls asleep on me. I wait 10 mins and place her in her cot. She sleeps for about an hour.
    Again, we move onto breakfast at about 11, then play, and our daily goings on.
    Lunch about 2pm. Nap at about 3pm for about 20-30 mins.
    Milk bottle at 4.30pm and a short nap about 5 - 5.30pm.Dummy, and falls asleep on me, then cot.
    Dinner before 6.30pm.
    Bath at 7.45. All calm and relaxed. Last milk at 8.30pm, again she falls alseep on me, and I put her in her cot, after 10 mins. Asleep.
    She will stay asleep till about 11.30pm. She cries, moans, I'll give her her dummy and stroke her and she goes back to sleep.
    On a good night- she stirs, cries, moans maybe at 1am- 3am- 4.30am....
    On a bad night- she will cry and moan, and will not settle after dummy and stroke- proceed to cry louder then scream...Wide awake and I'll put her in our bed. She will continue to scream and refuse even the dummy. Eventually she will sleep and at some point I carry her back into her cot.
    I'm really asking for advice, from your experiences. I'm contemplating controlled crying but honestly, I'm not sure if thats for me. Should I change anything in our routine. Shall I start CC or similar during the day first? Is this normal??
    Any help will be gratefully received. Sorry for the long post.
     
  2. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    Hello all,
    After spending 2 nights researching the web and reading past posts, I've plucked up the courage and asking for advice.
    My DD is 8 months old. She's the light of my life and a happy healthy baby. But she wakes often in the night. She was a good sleeper, in her own room, but we've had this problem since she was 5 months.
    She wakes about 6am but I put her dummy in, stroke her cheek and encourage her to sleep again till about 8.30am. We put her in our bed, play and watch TV till about 9.30. I give her a bottle, which she'll finish. She is awake but I put her dummy in, cuddle and she falls asleep on me. I wait 10 mins and place her in her cot. She sleeps for about an hour.
    Again, we move onto breakfast at about 11, then play, and our daily goings on.
    Lunch about 2pm. Nap at about 3pm for about 20-30 mins.
    Milk bottle at 4.30pm and a short nap about 5 - 5.30pm.Dummy, and falls asleep on me, then cot.
    Dinner before 6.30pm.
    Bath at 7.45. All calm and relaxed. Last milk at 8.30pm, again she falls alseep on me, and I put her in her cot, after 10 mins. Asleep.
    She will stay asleep till about 11.30pm. She cries, moans, I'll give her her dummy and stroke her and she goes back to sleep.
    On a good night- she stirs, cries, moans maybe at 1am- 3am- 4.30am....
    On a bad night- she will cry and moan, and will not settle after dummy and stroke- proceed to cry louder then scream...Wide awake and I'll put her in our bed. She will continue to scream and refuse even the dummy. Eventually she will sleep and at some point I carry her back into her cot.
    I'm really asking for advice, from your experiences. I'm contemplating controlled crying but honestly, I'm not sure if thats for me. Should I change anything in our routine. Shall I start CC or similar during the day first? Is this normal??
    Any help will be gratefully received. Sorry for the long post.
     
  3. hhhh

    hhhh Lead commenter

    Personally I'm against cc. Not judging anyone else, but I don't like the idea that babies just learn no one will come for them. I prefer the gradual withdrawal idea if anything, you can probably google it, not patronising you, as you prob know what it is.But some people havefound it works well and we all do things our own way.
    You could try losing a nap. Again, people may disagree, but mine stopped daytime naps at about one and thi helped at night.
    Also, some poeple say let them go to sleep by themselves, not rocking them, so they learn to settle again. Can she manage her dummy byherself?
    Also, the true old wives tale, lots of fresh air and exercise, assume she is just crawling but if you don't already try to get her doing lots at eg soft play cenres. And eating and drinking lots seems to help, or, even trying more absorbent nappy depending on the brand you use?Hope it helps. There's no one right answer.
     
  4. Another anti-CC one here although we have a pretty **** 8 month old sleeper ourselves! There's a sleep regression at 9 months so you might find you put both of you through CC now only to do it again in a few weeks.

    a couple of thoughts on what you've posted - is she waking because she's losing her dummy? Can it be attached to a toy, or *gulp* got rid of? She doesn't seem to get much daytime sleep - is there any way you could extend her second nap? Going out in the pushchair or something? Our LO used to always have an evening catnap but she's recently dropped it and goes to bed quite a bit earlier. Is it worth fiddling about with bedtime clothing to see if it's heat/cold that's affecting her sleep? Or noise? We play White noise through the night but we live on a noisy street!
     
  5. Also, our daughter still feeds through the night (bf) - could your LO be hungry??
     
  6. I am going to give the alternative viewpoint - no disrespect to you hhhh.

    We went through a very similar thing and I was also against controlled crying so bought loads of books and tried every trick in them. Nothing worked permanently and by the 8 month mark I was at the end of my tether. My relationship with my husband was getting strained because I was so miserable and ratty and we weren't getting any time together in the evening. We did controlled crying and yes it was horrid, for a total of 3 nights! Then he slept through. Yes he would still cry before going to bed for a couple of minutes when I left the room but then we didn't hear a peep and he now goes eleven hours with no dummy, no swaddle, just a sleeping bag and he just smiles at me as I leave the room, sometimes talks to his bear for a couple of minutes but happily goes off to sleep. Because he now knows he can get himself to sleep he will also sleep normally at other people's houses in a travel cot as long as we bring his light show and sleeping bag with us.

    He still naps in the day (though not for very long) and we don't do controlled crying then as we haven't needed to and this has not affected his ability to sleep at night.

    It sounds like you have a good routine in place. With CC the key is not to let them fall asleep on the bottle or in your arms but to put them down awake, tell them you love them and say night night or something similar and then leave the room. You then follow a series of checks to make sure they haven't been sick or wriggled themselves into an uncomfortable position and then you can stroke their head, tell them you love them, say night night and leave. You repeat this, gradually leaving longer between each check. Even on the first day my son woke happy and did not seem at all traumatised by the night before. You have to remember they don't have language so their interpretation of what is going on is not the same as your own.

    Sorry for the lack of paragraphs and the long post. If you do think you want to try CC I am happy to offer some support and you can PM me to find out more. I offer this because I remember how hard it was and how guilty I felt but I know it works and it has literally changed our lives as we now get an evening and can go out occasionally with my Mum babysitting because we know he probably won't even wake up while we are going and if he does he will put himself back to sleep within a minute. Most importantly it has meant that he is a far happier baby and has lots of energy during the day. Happy Mum and happy baby has got to be better than miserable mum and crabby baby but as hhhh says there are other ways to get there if you really don't think CC is for you and I am not trying to tell you what to do but just what worked for us.
     
  7. we had a similar problem with LO waking twice a night for feeding. we implemented the shhh/pat and pickup/put down techniques. i couldn't do controlled crying but if it works for people then that's fine for them - not all kids are the same.
    if you're having to replace her dummy repeatedly, could that be the problem? in that it falls out, she realises and wakes? have you tried not using it over night so that she doesn't notice it falling out? we stopped the dummy around 3 months because he'd wake whenever it fell out and scream and we couldn't cope with that.
    also, we used to rock LO to sleep and he'd wake repeatedly wanting to be cuddled again. we stopped rocking him to sleep when he was about 5 months old. he now goes into his cot awake (but tired - rubbing his eyes etc) and has a bedtime teddy which he gets only when it's sleep time. he always gives the teddy a big smile, reaches out to grab and then hug him and we then leave the room with LO awake but sleepy and hugging his teddy.
    it took 3-4 nights for LO to get used to the new routines we implemented. it was a tough few nights with crying from LO as we weren't doing what he wanted/was used to, but he fell asleep each time within 10 minutes of being put down.
    it was tough on both of us as the crying really touches both of us and makes us very stressed, but it made such a huge difference within days. it was definitely worth it.
     
  8. kittenmittens

    kittenmittens New commenter

    EBC, my LO (8 months) used to go back to bed after her 6am bottle, but then she'd have short naps of 30 mins throughout the day. When I started getting up at 6am, she started having longer naps- 1hr in the morning and 1 1/2 hrs in the afternoon after lunch. She also never used to settle herself during the day and now does (usually- not today as she's been unwell). It might be coincidence but I don't really mind getting up early if I get a good break later in the day to get jobs done, have a cuppa etc. Now she sleeps til 7am-7.30 which is even better. I hope you get it sorted, I do let her cry for a couple of minutes (moany crying, not real sobbing) and she does calm down and go to sleep on her own.
     
  9. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    This morning was a bit of a disaster as we were all really late getting up as Hubby had a day off and I chilled in bed for longer today. Even though she and I got woke at 7.30. When I did give her her milk at about 9.30, I put her in her cot awake and tried to do control crying of some sort butshe wouldn't settle and got worse. Rested her on my lap and fell asleep for an hour on our bed while I did the housework. Daddy was next to her of course.
    Tonight tried again to but her down awake but I chickened out this time. Although I did let her fall alseep on our bed for 10 mins, then without dummy and music- took her to her room and placed in cot. So far so good.
    Will be more firm tomorrow- I promise...!!!
     
  10. I'm going to be really harsh here!
    Your baby wakes at 6am and then you try to get her to go back to sleep, then when she won't sleep anymore you bring her into your bed and watch TV until 9.30am, when she has her first feed of the day. She's been 13 hours without a feed. You then try and get her to go back to sleep until 11am when it's breakfast time.
    Why don't you start your day when she wakes up and try to get into some kind of pattern? If she had her milk at 7am, you then got dressed, tidied up etc whilst she played/watched, then had your breakfast at about 8.30am (does she have breakfast with you?). You could then go for a walk, nip to the shops and by the time you're back she may be ready for a decent sleep before lunch.
    She may need another nap later in the afternon but at the moment you seem to be spending most of your day trying to get her to sleep which only last for 20-30 minutes, no time for you to do anything!!
    Eight months is a classic time for babies who had slept well at night to start waking, it happened to us and we did use controlled crying. It took about three nights for our baby to get back to sleeping; it's horrible to hear them crying but it does work.
    Good luck. [​IMG]
     
  11. EBC

    EBC New commenter

    You're not being harsh- I asked for advice. :)
    Another friend suggested feeding her in her cot- allowing her to sleep straight away. I did this last night but she only had 3 ounces. Again, fell asleep with no dummy. But because she only had 3 ounces- I dream fed her at 11pm.
    She slept with no waking up till 7am.
    Maybe she is still hungry???
    I'm going to try this again tonight. If it isn't the extra feed- then it is the fact that she falls alseep on me and will have to do controlled crying.
     
  12. When I had my babies, and it was a long time ago, they never had a bottle so I had no idea how much they'd drunk, I think you can get in a muddle when you're always looking to see how much she's had. Sounds like 11pm - 7am was a good night last night. Did you start her day when she woke at 7am? I used to wake my first at about 10.30pm until one night I'd had some friends round and and didn't want to disturb the evening!! He slept all night, I didn't wake him again. [​IMG] Controlled crying is hard but in my experience I wish we'd done it earlier.
     
  13. Hi EBC. My son has only just started sleeping through the night at 11 months and still not consistently, but we did do controlled crying to get there. What made it a bit easier was giving him a feed at 11pm (even though he clearly didn't need it and had never had a dream feed before). Then when he woke for his 4am bottle, I could be sure that he wasn't hungry and was able to stick it out. It really wasn't as bad as I expected and only took a few nights to break the habit. I stopped giving the late feed a couple of days ago and he has slept through both nights until at least 6/6.30am - a pretty standard time to get up unfortunately! Maybe if giving a late feed worked for you last night, you could give it a go. At least that way you are in control of when the bottle/dummy gets given. I also changed his morning milk to a cup as he was so obsessed by his bottle that I think that if he so much as stirred at night he was thinking about it! Now he knows it is only the boring cup so doesn't bother quite so much. I feel like a different person with a full night's sleep and am actually feeling positive about going back to work now as I think I have a decent chance of functioning properly! Good luck with whatever you decide.
     
  14. Hi everyone. Please excuse lack of paragraphs on this Mac. I haven't read all your posts but our LO is now 6 months and slept OK (5, 6, 7) hours for her first 11 weeks and then overnight just stopped sleeping. We kind of replaced eating problems with sleeping problems. I have pretty much given up hope of her ever sleeping through the night, although I know she is still so little. Like some of the previous posters she goes 3 hours max. but frequently 90 minutes between wake-ups. For many weeks I had to put her in our bed because she refused to go back in hers after waking. Now I don't usually have to do that any more but the only way to get her back to sleep (and the only thing I have the patience for at 3am) is to feed her so she is drowsy and sleepy again. I don't want to keep feeding her when I know she is not actually hungry, however. For the past few weeks we have had a massive screamathon around 1-2am. She has on occasion screamed for 2 hours without a rest. I am trying not to feed her on this first wake-up in the hope that she eventually gets it and will go back to sleep but I often forget myself when I just want some peace at 2am. I have tried everything I can think of to help her sleep but all to no avail and I really do hope that she will get it soonish. I favour the idea that these night time wakings are developmental rather than hunger related. It really does seem like you just replace one problem with another - i.e. feeding with sleeping, or whatever.
     

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