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5 months pregnant... Being bullied

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by PE_Factory, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. PE_Factory

    PE_Factory New commenter

    In need of some advice.

    I am 5 months pregnant and feel as though my HoD is bullying me. There have been a series of events from singling me out in dept meetings to questionning my uniform to making snide comments about my midwife appointments, to stitching me up at parents evenings and taking me off my other subject to do interhouse activities without asking. All of which I have spoken up about as I have felt singled out, picked on and a complete lack of empathy for what has been a difficult pregnancy. I even received a text asking me on a day I had been absent due to sickness, if I would be in the next day because covering me had been difficult that day.... Absolutely no regard for how I was feeling at all?!

    I'm not entirely sure what to do as I always think a quiet life is easier... But I am starting to develop bad anxiety about going in because it is making me feel so awkward and uncomfortable!
     
  2. Orchid2457

    Orchid2457 New commenter

    I am very sorry to hear this. Being pregnant is hard enough without you HoD being a nuisance.

    You mentioned you spoke up? Who was that to? Was it the HoD and what was their response?

    Firstly, you can’t be discriminated against because you’re pregnant. Has the HoD’s behaviour changed since they learned you were pregnant? If so, I’d write down all of the instances where you feel that you were treated unfairly due to your pregnancy and speak to your school rep or head. Explain your points, using your notes and ask if they could have an informal chat.

    Secondly, you can’t guilt trip someone into coming into work if they’re ill. Say that you would be grateful if the school could be more supportive of your situation and on sick days you need to spend time getting better. I had to speak to my head about a colleague who couldn’t understand my limitations as a disabled person. They were very supportive and had a chat with said person. I found speaking to my head meant I could put things in perspective as I was very upset at the time.

    The colleague apologied and treat me with the utmost respect following the meeting. They explained that they were used to ‘putting the school first’ but admitted that I did require empathy and adjustments from time to time.

    I did speak to my union beforehand who again, finished me with many words of wisdom. I recommend you seek their advice too.

    Good luck and congratulations on your little prince or princess.
     
  3. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    do you think maybe they are jealous?
     
    catbefriender and PE_Factory like this.
  4. FrankWolley

    FrankWolley Star commenter

    Good advice in post #2.

    I'd stress discussing this with your Union, and going above the HoD to a DH (say), and tell them 'unofficially' how you feel and say 'I don't want to take this further, but if I feel bullied again I will...' or similar. They should then give your HoD a rocket, whilst pointing out that they are lucky not to find themselves in deep, deep trouble.
     
    Stiltskin, Piranha and PE_Factory like this.
  5. catbefriender

    catbefriender Lead commenter

    Hope you get it sorted out and soon so that you can fill your mind with far better things, such as what kind of cot to buy, what colour to paint the nursery etc.

    Have only happy thoughts and forget about school, when you're at home.:)
     
    PE_Factory and Curae like this.
  6. Piranha

    Piranha Star commenter

    I think I would want advice from my union before doing anything else. As soon as you go above your HoD, you have probably wrecked any relationship you might have with them, so you need to be sure that what is happening does count as bullying officially. For example, the text may be unsympathetic, but it is reasonable for your HoD to want to find out if your are likely to be off another day, so that they can organise external cover instead of using a teacher. From the sound of it, your union will agree, and you will then need them at your side if you want to take it further.
     
    PE_Factory likes this.
  7. andorian

    andorian New commenter

    Stress in pregnancy is very serious; it can affect the developing fetus/baby. If you can't put this HOD's comments out of your mind, please do something about it and go off sick as a last resort.
     
    PE_Factory and Curae like this.
  8. berry3534

    berry3534 New commenter

    Sadly it is my Head bullying me, it looks like I will have to take things further and my doctor has signed me off. The union was fab and I am waiting to be assigned a caseworker, in the meantime I liaise with HR and will have to wait and see how long it will take to resolve at tribunal. Heartbroken to feel this way in pregnancy but take all the advice you can and protect yourself x
     
    FrankWolley and PE_Factory like this.
  9. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    It's nearly always the case when a pregnant woman receives such negative treatment or issues are recreated by jealous staff often going through difficulties themselves.
     
    PE_Factory likes this.
  10. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    If HOD is being difficult you must put your health and that of your unborn child first. As others have said see union and move on from there However being pregnant us stressfull , teaching itself is stressful and your HOD IMO is a fool for trying to stress you our further. Don't take risks or too long see you GP and get signed off unless of course HOD eases off. Have you thought or feel comfortable speaking with HODS line manager ?
    Good luck wil pray for you and baby to be.

    ((((((((())))))))))
    Hugs Curae xx
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2018
    PE_Factory likes this.
  11. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    Terrible but it happens a lot and I feel it happens alot in teaching! Will pray that all goes well . If you feel comfortable let us know how or goes ( obviously ) without revealing too much.
    (((((())))))
    Hugs Curae xxx
     
    MsBehaving and PE_Factory like this.
  12. berry3534

    berry3534 New commenter

    I will do, to be honest I have never been to a doctor about anything other than injury or pregnancy do I didn't know what to expect. I think I thought that she would advise me to buckle up and get on with it, she listened and quite firmly said that I couldn't go back and it sounds like constructive dismissal.
    Looking into this and past comments and actions by SLT I think it's definitely unfair treatment and discrimination I just needed to step back and see that for myself.
    I will keep you updated but thank you for the support, it's really appreciated x
     
    Curae likes this.
  13. Curae

    Curae Lead commenter

    My pleasure. Remember you and babyto be are number one We are are here for both of you You must do what you need to. Just think of the joy you will have in a few months time.
    Bless you both.((((((()))))))
    Hugs Curae xxx

    .
     
    MsBehaving and berry3534 like this.
  14. MsBehaving

    MsBehaving New commenter

    @berry3534 and @PE_Factory


    I had my children in a life before teaching plus I was in the Armed Services for two of them and I still haven't heard worse than the things I am hearing about maternity time in teaching. I never had a single snide comment, nobody moaned about time out for appointments, in fact my colleagues made several pregnancies bearable when I suffering morning sickness and swollen, well, everything.

    I am so sorry that you are both being made to feel dreadful and I'm glad the doctor did not tell you to suck it up. Pregnancies give us our living in short. Yes some people are jealous and you'll never fathom out why. Some people just aren't nice.

    The wording of a text shouldn't be offensive or cause worry. Cover is not the issue of the person who is absent. Pregnancy 1st. 2nd or 10th time around is not like shelling peas. Union!!

    Both of you, PLEASE try to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancies, enjoy family time. You need to be healthy for what's ahead. If it's first time for either of you.... teaching today is way harder xx
     
    Catgirl1964, berry3534 and Curae like this.

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