Not to be taken too seriously.... 1. I wanted to consolidate their learning. I couldn’t be bothered to plan so rehashed some stuff I’d done yesterday. 2. I thought it was time to take on more responsibility at school, and stretch myself outside the classroom. I have a mortgage to pay, and now exist on max five hours sleep a night. Sometimes I wonder what my family look like now. 3. Believe me Johnny, I’d be very happy to have a chat with your parents about your behaviour this afternoon. Talking to your parents on a Friday afternoon is literally the last thing I want to do with my life. 4. Well can someone who was listening to the video please tell us the answer? I wasn’t watching the video, and I really hope that at least one of you were. 5. Well done Johnny! I caught you being good! You are not physically harming another child at this moment in time. The fact that this is grounds for praise is frankly terrifying. 6. Johnny’s very sociable. Johnny gives me a headache. 7. Johnny loves sport. Johnny will fail his SATs. 8. Johnny just needs to learn to think before shouting out sometimes. Your offspring thinks it’s acceptable to shout out like a farmyard animal. How on earth are you not troubled by this? 9. Johnny loves making the other children laugh. Your son is an idiot. 10. I can see where Johnny gets his sense of humour from! You are what’s wrong with the world. 11. No single day in teaching is the same! I’m scared to get out of bed in the morning and crave stability like a man possessed. 12. Why did I become a teacher? I guess I wanted a challenge that didn’t involve the corporate treadmill. Why? Why? WHY?! 13. One of the benefits of teaching is it certainly gives you a strong immune system! A child sneezed directly into my eyeball today, and I’m really trying to reach for a silver lining. 14. Sure the pay isn’t as high as other jobs, but it really is rewarding. The pay isn’t as high as other jobs. 15. Plans for the weekend? I’ll probably go out and socialise, catch up with friends, let my hair down. The majority of my weekend will be spent staring at a pile of marking on my kitchen table, culminating in a protracted marking / sobbing session in front of the TV, spooning Ben & Jerry’s into my mouth while berating myself for not going into the private sector like a normal person.