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1 yr old keeps on swiping at face - problem child?!

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by glitterkid, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. My boy is a bit older, 17 months and thinks it's hilarious to smack mummy. he also lashes out at me if he doesn't get his own way. it makes me so sad and i think he hates me! in every other aspect he is a delightful child, very affectionate and pleasant, just has moments of being a total brat. we have been saying a firm 'no' but it has mixed effects tbh. mostly he just! laughs but once or twice he has bawled his head off (and i felt horrible too!)

    i was reading a toddler behaviour book and it suggested that at 18months they don't really understand the negative attention and just see it as attention from mummy. they suggested ignoring it for the time being until they're old enough to understand. it's a difficult one, because i'm inclined to believe everything i read whereas my husband thinks a lot of stuff is bunkum and we should be giving him a tap on the hand (i would weep!). i am saying no in a neutral voice at the minute and saying 'no that hurtsmummy' but tbh, i don't know what effect it has.

    and we've not even hit the terrible twos yet!!
     
  2. kittenjames

    kittenjames New commenter

    hi lily, i've been reading 'the social toddler' as my LO has just turned 1 and seemingly changed into a headstrong little mister over night!
    it's a really reassuring book (borrowed it from the library and it's written by child psychologists) and essentially what your LO is doing is completely normal and she has no concept of causing you pain. 'no' alone will be meaningless at the moment unless accompanied by an action. could you take her hand and move it away whilst saying 'no' firmly? or turn your back on her/put her down and look away if you're holding her?
    the book emphasises distraction from 'undesirable' behaviour or empathy with the toddler/boddler - the empathy part being that you look at why they might be doing it.
    i went to a toddler group today and was pleased to see 10 little versions of my LO in the room! all exercising their new-found independence and presenting lots of challenges for their mummies. rest-assured, your LO is unlikely to be a 'terror'!
    KJ
     
  3. We save No for the big, dangerous stuff - touching the cooker, opening the cupboard where the cleaning stuff is - otherwise it will lose its meaning the amount of times I could potentially use it in a day!. She has no concept of 'bad' behaviour - you could try distracting her each time, redirecting her attention to a toy or holding her hands and doing the actions to a song?
     
  4. Also (ours is a pincher) we model 'gentle' - so stroke her face or hands saying 'gentle with mummy/daddy'. Doubt she gets it yet but hopefully will sink in eventually!
     
  5. Oh, I symapthise! Ours is a scratcher and a biter. We say "gently" or "mummy doesn't like that" quite quietly and if it continues after that a firm but not loud "no" and put her down on the floor. After about ten seconds of crying we then distract with a favourite toy or something. This seems to work most of the time, although yesterday we had "no" (to pulling the washing airer over) which was followed by a swift bite with a look of absolute defiance- aargh!
     
  6. Cheers guys.
    Good idea with the distraction technique. Will keep the really stern 'no' for the dangerous stuff and just stick with the hurting mummy bit.
    Glad to know that my LO's not turning into a terrible toddler just yet!
     
  7. OH and i and various relatives have all had our faces scratched til we bleed by LO. think it's normal. i pull his hand away from my face and say no a few times. if he continues to do it i put him down. it's embarrassing going into work with my face covered in scratches!
     
  8. This thread has made me feel soooo much better. Thanks ladies.
    We have been saying no - (not a clue what it means) and move him out of the way. He does not respond to distraction techniques (apart from food) and will go straight back to the thing he has been told no for! grrrrr. Usually ends up with him sobbing. Food seems to be the only thing that works - and I don't want a baby who gets food for being naughty. need an alternative that works. He is a stubborn little so and so. - Our local library is shut at the moment but may go when it reopens and get a book about it.

     
  9. This happens to me lots, she also makes a grab for my glasses and is usually v succesful at chucking them on the floor. We say 'no' firmly then if she continues to do something bad, we remove her from the lamp she is pulling over/chair she is drawing on etc and sit her firmly down on the floor away from the problem. Like bunqiue, we have tried to model 'gently' but not sure it's working yet! Often she does it for a reaction, she stands by the lamp for ages until we look directly at her then she tries to pull it over!
     
  10. handrail

    handrail New commenter

    Ahhh me too! My little boy (16 months) has a tendency to hit in the face. I have been saying 'no' and 'that makes mummy sad' and then putting him down or moving him away. This usually ends in tears (his, not mine lol). When he does it to grandad, grandad laughs (I try to tell my dad to not laugh as he's making LO think it's a game, but you know what grandads are like).
    Funny story: LO at doctors with ear infection... Doctor checks LO's throat, LO hits doctor in face - Me: secretly pleased as not too keen on this doctor :eek:) Comes in handy sometimes (joke!)
     
  11. Ha ha! This thread makes me feel better too. Any kind of 'no' results in tears. I've just started reading 'The Social Toddler' too (second hand from Amazon) and while it may be stuff we already know as teachers, it's really good to see it all from a toddler's perspective.
     
  12. It's lovely to know i don;t have a mini delinquent on my hands!
     
  13. Or maybe we all do!
     
  14. Perhaps, ladybug! Maybe we're all in denial!
     
  15. I am interested to read the social toddler. .. will have to source it somewhere and have a look.
    Various useful posts and always great on here seeing so many different people with ideas and perspectives.
    I have always said no to mine - since she was a matter of a few months old. I know that there are developmental stages and so forth, but have always gone with 'she won't pick it up if it's not used'. She went through stages of laughing / doing anyway (and now, at nearly 2, still does it anyway if feeling defiant, of course!) but I've found a firm 'No' with the sign useful (I would 100% recommend backing it up wth the sign - it helps them to understand, gives another form of communication and apparently they hear the end of sentences so 'Don't do that' is more effective with hand held in no position).
     
  16. Hi
    Was just browsing, and saw this. Just wanted to reassureyou this is totally normal!
    My daughter is 4 years old now, and she went through this stage too. What was effective was just saying "ouch" and putting her straight down and walking away. No laughing or more attention just immediate put straight down.
    When she came over afterwards (let them come to you if they are mobile, if not give it a couple of minutes and go back), I would say "Please be nice to Mommy, say sorry Mommy" (just gentle tone, etc (she didnt say sorry but it was just to bring that in though she did start signing sorry after first few times), and then we would hug and play, look at a book etc. As soon as she did it again, did the above procedure again. BUT the important thing is that all those involved in your child's life follows the same procedure, so my Childminder did, my Mom did, my Hubby did etc... It was really effective and nips it in the bud quite quickly.
    Good luck!
    Xxxx
    PS My daughter is a little cheeky madam but not a delinquent!xx
     
  17. Yes, just put them down when they do it - they know and are pushing boundaries. I agree that you have to keep no to selected stuff otherwise you just end up constantly nagging.
     

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